How to best support my teenage son

[Eva]

Hey! I'd like to ask especially from the Actualized forum men what do you feel like would have been the best way to offer you support in your teenager years. My son is 13 years old and I wish to provide him as much support in all areas of his life as he wishes and needs. I surely observe and ask him straight up, but since I'm a woman I have no idea what themes are truly important to teenage boys.

I try to keep channels of communication open at all times. We have been discussing variety of personal development topics. I've also encouraged him to seek out men to mentor him (besides his father, uncle and grandfather), since I'm very aware that you're not supposed to have every discussion about everything with your mom.

This question was inspired by me hearing my son has been following Andrew Tate (he was interest on the "business advices") online, and we started discussing about finding some more high-quality resource options - eventhough I understand Tates appeal and charisma for a young guy.

Thanks for your help!

[Kksd74628]

@Eva

First of all I don't want to start any big arguments anywhere, but funnily Tate just is the manly energy you want your son to have. Talk to him about things you know and guide him there and try not to lose connection with him, because he follows someone you don't like personally. You could even use Tate as your advantage in guiding your son. "Tate would ace dem tests at school and wouldn't be lazy" or that "Tate would respect his parents" and so on and so forth. Maybe introduce Leo's channel and make those 2 very good duo. Also these things are so deep that it'd be hard to say even 0,01 % what I want so if you may we could have voice conv about parenting in general

Much support regardless <3

-joNi-

[LSD-Rumi]

@Eva Act as a guide for him not as an authoritarian figure. Discuss the things you are concerned about in Andrew Tate as a figure, communicate in a gentel manner. Hear what things he likes about Tate, acknowledge them if they are really good. Let him know that there are more developed people out there who teach business or personal development. Treat him as an adult, not as a child.

[Ayham]

As a teenage dude (currently 16), you seem to know how to do stuff which is great, I would recommend you see what he is interested in and support him with it
I personally started reading books on spirituality (started with Eckhart Tolle) at 12, I got into personal development from the productivity sphere at around 13 and started trying to read more books, and got into Leo at around 14, went through a "dark night of the soul", started daily meditation, reading and summarizing books, hitting gym at summer holidays, eating healthy, keeping a commonplace book, occasional contemplation, figured out my future and LP, etc. 

Despite all of this, which I still do, I am still addicted to my phone, sometimes a video game, I procrastinate a lot on school and cram everything, waste lots of time, etc. but I am moving better generally, hopefully.

the point is, its hard to wean yourself off distractions much at this time, though he is young so you could keep him away, anyways here are my suggestions:

1. Ask him what topics he is interested in, get him books (my mom did this actually)
2. Teach him how to meditate, don't force him into it, just teach him and do it in front of him regularly, he might get interested
3. Don't try to make him eat healthy, but provide only healthy food at home
4. If he ever gets into relationship stuff, don't discourage him, just make sure he doesn't bend over backwards for whoever he is with too much.
5. Tell him to avoid debt
6. When he is older, try to encourage him to map out his future, though when he is a bit older, most teenagers at that age don't listen to their parents much and might even try to oppose them, Leo's life purpose course is great, Jordan Peterson's future authoring program is even better (I did it right after Leo's, it was better, but I don't think it would have been as good if I didn't do Leo's course first)
7. Don't try to impose orders, discuss stuff with him, try to convince him and let him choose for himself.

Oh! and he might have started jerking off or will start, so yes be aware, it is nothing wrong, just don't embarrass him about it.

Edited July 31, 2023 by Ayham

[Ulax]

@Eva I'd say actively listen to him, help him identify his emotions, and validate them. Then give your guidance or set boundaries if you want.

I think Brazillian Jiu Jitsu could be a useful thing to encourage him into at this point of his life too. From my experience, they are a respectful community but also help young dude's develop that inner warrior and can develop healthy masculine qualities in the young dude. Will be some further role models there for your boy too to model.

[Ayham]

@Ulax epic idea! learning martial arts, I approve 

[Ulax]

@Ayham Thanks

[Salvijus]

Expose him to nature maybe?

I would probably enroll him in some sports or some other activity like arts, music, martial arts, climbing, scouts or whatever he resonates with so he could socialize and find many friends. But I would be a terrible father so I would take my advice with coution.

Edited July 31, 2023 by Salvijus

[Salvijus]

I'd also live in a country where access to drugs are not so available. 

[ShardMare]

Already lot of people gave advice.

The things is you try and if you try you already helped him. 

There arent lot of parents who do this

[UnbornTao]

Three things:

Be honest

Love him, and

make sure you're doing all of the above

[Raze]

For business try money master the game by Tony Robbins and Alex Hormozi’s work 

Edited August 1, 2023 by Raze

[caspex]

What I needed as a 13 year old was the ability to be independent. My parents actually gave me a ton of freedom but I needed that push to make independent decisions apart from the help of my elders. I never got that at the time and I had to learn it the hard way in the last few years. (I am 19 in 2 months).

Not only inspire but get him to join fields and communities that you know he'll excel at or get some sort of achievement in, and then praise him for it. He should be praised for being a man. He should feel responsible and reliable.

The thing lacking at the age is a sense of direction for most teenage boys and you trying to figure out how to be responsible and reliable as you approach 15-16 years of age. There is a lack of certainty due to inexperience. This is what his male idols should provide him, before he can develop his own sense of independence and direction.

As a mother you should definitely provide him with a lot more love, genuine love. Softness, tenderness and gentleness. You should be the one teaching him humbleness and empathy. Selflessness for the sake of love and nothing else.
The reason you should be the one doing these things is because it's way more effective from a mom than a dad. A simple act of motherly embrace can teach him a lot more empathy than any logical explanation of why.
If you show him what true authentic femininity looks like it will steer him away from porn or sex addiction. It will also help in finding a good partner.

The reason for that is because you would be that one female(if he doesn't have sisters, in which case them too) he doesn't view sexually but with respect, love and admiration in his life. This teaches a man to transmute that creative energy towards a female from becoming sexual to that of admiration and love. Because of this ability, he'll have control over his sexual urges if he wishes to develop that capacity later in life. Which is one of the most important abilities for a man with integrity.



All I am saying is that while it's important to mainly focus on all the masculine aspects that you and other male role models can give to him, you should not forget to give a secondary focus on feminine qualities such as gentleness and empathy, which need not be taught but just shown to him.
The reason I emphasize this because others here have already given advice focuses on masculinity, and that is also what would be the most prevalent advice on this forum.

[Leo Gura]

I gots two episodes for him: Life Advice For Young People - Part 1 & 2

[blackchair]

pls for LOVE of God, NO Andrew Tate, listen to Leo on this pls......

[Raze]

12 hours ago, blackchair said:

pls for LOVE of God, NO Andrew Tate, listen to Leo on this pls......

A parent telling a kid not to listen to someone will just make them listen to them more intently.

[Ayham]

@Raze true

 

[blackchair]

15 hours ago, Raze said:

A parent telling a kid not to listen to someone will just make them listen to them more intently.

this is my second language, so I I won't go deep cause I have shit to do, man faces criminal charges, but then again your ex president too so I can't be too harsh on one confused mom. listen to Leo on this! namaste!  and no, just no, kids don't do opposite of what are told, where do you get all this bullshit? go read Leo's apology right now, he's most awakened person on planet and he let US politics/media to rot his brain, I'm off to listen to talyor swift! namaste vol.2!

[Raze]

17 hours ago, blackchair said:

this is my second language, so I I won't go deep cause I have shit to do, man faces criminal charges, but then again your ex president too so I can't be too harsh on one confused mom. listen to Leo on this! namaste!  and no, just no, kids don't do opposite of what are told, where do you get all this bullshit? go read Leo's apology right now, he's most awakened person on planet and he let US politics/media to rot his brain, I'm off to listen to talyor swift! namaste vol.2!

what?