Being afraid to start a relationship.

[Sabth]

Is this a serious thing? I can't imagine myself having a daughter. The way I am now I am always the daughter. And to think that I'm gonna hv a relationship like the way my mom and dad is, is too much. I don't like it. And couldn't imagine having to live that. I'm just afraid to go through all those... Pregnancy, childbirth, being called a mom. I couldn't imagine a life without my parents. When I am the parents... Like going everywhere only with me and my husband (like my parents do now) I can't imagine it. And I'm feeling afraid. There isn't anyone who are like you. It will be a stranger. I can't help but to love only those who are related to me by blood. Idk. Am I weird? I put my trust in relative/fam. I don't like a stranger. I don't know. I can't imagine having to live through with a stranger man. Who are not related. It will be a total stranger. Maybe a step before that is falling in love first. The missing step. But idk how that will do now. Since I no longer had a close close friends or relative. It will take a lot for you to get close to someone. After years of knowing each other (and working together) the trust was built. When you're together* you will just built this intimacy. 

*For a long time. 

But I'm no longer in such setting where I can be close together to anyone. (eg. University) and I am no longer in contact with them anymore. Our rel was destroyed. Apart from that I can't imagine anyone else whom I can get close to. Not a stranger. (Same aged people, one batch). Such closeness. I can no longer find it. We are like a play mate. (21-22yo). So I had a lot of fear now. I can't imagine having to have this transition. I look at my sister doing it as a young adult (22) but that was a long time ago. I'm 27 now. And I'm still afraid. My condition now is like this. 

I can't imagine starting a new relationship now. Will it be good or will it be bad? 

Am I too late now? No I'm not. 

Being a mom will make me feel like I'm old. I don't wanna have that transition yet. But, was it time for it? Idk. .. 

3:03AM

[PlayOnWords]

I'm struggling to see the actual problem.

So you don't want a relationship and the responsibility? Or you do want one but you don't trust people outside of your family?

You don't have to have children if you don't want to, just take the necessary steps to eschew conception.

Have you ever been in a romantic relationship?

 

[Yimpa]

11 hours ago, Sabth said:

Is this a serious thing?

Nope, if doesn’t have to be if you don’t want it to. Society has placed a lot of rules on how things should be, huh?