Felt triggered watching this Teal Swan video about nice guys

[BojackHorseman]

As much as it pains me to admit it, I do feel a lot of similarities between myself and what she describes in this video.
 

I've always felt "nice", and not very close to the usual image of men ever since I was a child.

I've obviously thought about non-binarity, but, as much as I admire women, I also don't feel close to their way of thinking (obviously, I'm talking about averages here, of what men and women are in society)

I'm not young and I'm not sure how to fix this.

Should I just tend to become more manly, as in, whatever society expects for men (I'm not talking about looks or whatever superficial aspects)? It doesn't feel right to me, and in fact we often laugh with my wife at how I do sometimes stand or act feminine in some cases, and how she does seem to take the more masculine place in the couple.

But I do feel weak. I really am. I break and panic easily. When talking about men here, 'm thinking more about the positive qualities usually associated with men.

But I'm not sure how to get there (or if I should try. Or what to actually change). I'm quite sensitive, empathic, not very real-world smart...
 

(That being said, growing older, I at least avoid now the trap of being so nice I don't have an opinion. I actually like having contrarian opinions and voicing them, looking for balance and debate, not trolling)

[hyruga]

Well done!

Hot topic of the week!

First, it is Teal swan. Second, all of us have some tinge or parts of 'niceness' in us. Have fun discussing!

Edited July 29, 2023 by hyruga

[Jannes]

I have a weakness for niceness. I worked for many years getting niceness out of my system but there is still a lot left. 

The problem is you need a personality that gets your meets met. If you can't survive being not nice you won't do it. 

So it seems you need a lot of power and skill in getting your meets met if you have the disadvantage of not using nice guy manipulations.

My ability to attract girls recently got a good bump and I instantly noticed how much more authentic and disagreeable I became.

[Raze]

Read no more mr nice guy 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaYK2utj97Y

 

Edited July 30, 2023 by Raze

[integral]

Eventually you stop faking it, thinker types are all like this growing up, its the only way to survive. 

Edited July 30, 2023 by integral

[Rafael Thundercat]

Studying this book and following the work of Chris Bale Awakened Intent podcast is helping me to navigate on this waters a lot. 

[Rafael Thundercat]

Also realise that your "being nice" is a survival strategy.

Is this survival strategy helping you to survive in the sexual arena?

[Jodistrict]

There are plenty of countries where women like nice guys.   Google "passport bros".   Grow a pair and be who you are.  Don't let a harpy sow the seeds of self doubt. 

 

 

[BojackHorseman]

7 hours ago, Rafael Thundercat said:

Also realise that your "being nice" is a survival strategy.

Is this survival strategy helping you to survive in the sexual arena?

I've been married for some years so I don't think it has to do with sex, which is good.
The book you posted looks interesting btw


-------------------

To be honest I think I might confuse the nice guy situations for something else after thinking about it_

I was recognizing myself in the parts where she described the man making schemes (consciously or not) to sabotage some things or be lazy

Or when she talks about undirect ways to express your frustration and making her feel I'm not ok even tho I say I'm ok, maybe even more.


Some people are talking about white knighting, but I definitely don't think I'm a white knight nowadays, these times are over for me

 

[Miguel1]

On 7/30/2023 at 1:40 AM, BojackHorseman said:

But I do feel weak. I really am. I break and panic easily. When talking about men here, 'm thinking more about the positive qualities usually associated with men.

But I'm not sure how to get there (or if I should try. Or what to actually change). I'm quite sensitive, empathic, not very real-world smart...

Deep, ruthless inner work is the answer here.

[Ulax]

I think this whole demonizing 'nice guys' is very misleading.

The real issue is with guys with unconscious shame, and narcissistic traits. And I only really see the latter as worthy of criticism.

Though I get sometimes these sorts of guys can put the 'nice guy' label on themselves.