Trip Report on Edible

[Razard86]

Apparently I am very sensitive, more sensitive to drugs than anyone I have ever heard. I took a edible brownie that a friend sold me and I tripped on that brownie for a month. I need you to understand I literally tripped for a month non stop. I deconstructed reality so much I entered a reality I call unreality. In this reality events and timelines of my normal life were rewritten, I was shown different facets of God such as God is unlimited infinite beauty, Infinite Authority, God spoke to me and referred to itself several times as a totality. I suffered demon possession, I walked the streets and was homeless for awhile and eventually committed myself to psychiatric care. 

I faced every single judgment and statement I ever uttered and thought. I was shown that nobody has the clear understanding to judge another without living and perceiving life through that person's eyes. All of our judgments are full of ignorance of the lived experience of another. I call this ultimate humbling. I went through many other harrowing ordeals and made many important insights but all insights eventually fell away as I realized the unlimited, totality, and impermanence permanence of reality which makes every model, every statement obsolete. 

The personality structure that I know myself as is not God, it is a part of God. But God is the totality of all of my lived experience and beyond. I was shown that to claim there is nothing outside of my direct experience is itself a limitation. There is no limitation, because even direct experience can be co-opted by reality and made obsolete. 

Reality does not operate on self-deception, reality operates freely however it wants. It can deceive and it can also operate without deception as well. The Absolute Truth can and cannot be spoken. Reality is paradoxical and is also not paradoxical. Reality does not need to be understood but can choose to be understood and then go beyond all understanding.

Edited July 28, 2023 by Razard86

[Carl-Richard]

Welcome back. How would you define "direct experience"?

[Razard86]

2 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Welcome back. How would you define "direct experience"?

Whatever you allow yourself/are allowed to remember. You can have a direct experience right now, and have it completely wiped from memory, only to rediscover later on what you experienced. This shit gets heavy lol. So it is whatever you are allowed to remember because without memory there is no direct experience. But even that can be co-opted because you can forget and remember an experience you never had and that can become your new direct experience.

[Carl-Richard]

32 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

Whatever you allow yourself/are allowed to remember. You can have a direct experience right now, and have it completely wiped from memory, only to rediscover later on what you experienced. This shit gets heavy lol. So it is whatever you are allowed to remember because without memory there is no direct experience. But even that can be co-opted because you can forget and remember an experience you never had and that can become your new direct experience.

Is memory confined to thoughts (mental chatter or imagery), or do you extend it to other things as well (e.g. sensory experiences, feelings, emotions)?

[Buck Edwards]

Welcome Razard. 

[Nilsi]

8 hours ago, Razard86 said:

 I need you to understand I literally tripped for a month non stop.

LOL

[Michal__]

Sounds intense. How many mg?

[Razard86]

8 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Is memory confined to thoughts (mental chatter or imagery), or do you extend it to other things as well (e.g. sensory experiences, feelings, emotions)?

Memory is all inclusive. One of my trip experiences I had was I literally got the privilege of feeling my entire life as a sensory experience, the huge sensory experience, like a cocktail on a shelf and it filled me with so much tears I literally almost chocked/suffocated to death. Your life is the most valuable thing you have. You have no clue how valuable. It is so valuable that if God gave it to you again no matter how bad some parts were you would choose to have it no other way. The will you exert in every moment to fight and claw and grasp what you want and desire is so precious, so beautiful, it reveals the preciousness that is priceless beyond all measure. 

 

7 hours ago, Enlightement said:

Welcome Razard. 

Wassup how's it hanging?

 

2 hours ago, Nilsi said:

LOL

I know I have not come across anything else like my experience before.

 

1 hour ago, Michal__ said:

Sounds intense. How many mg?

No clue, I'm ridiculously sensitive it's why I will never take another drug/substance as much as possible (outside of occasional medicine).

Why? Because once you deconstruct reality....it stays open and I have chosen to shut the door. I saw and gleaned all I needed to too. At the perishment of my body I'll return to totality. But my trip was one for the ages, got into a fight with a 300lb man and suffered no physically visible damage but let's say he punched me so hard I think I suffered an undiagnosed concussion.

Spirituality makes you super human, but if you go far enough in it, you stop understanding what it means to be human and you can lose your connection to your humanity. At a certain point I forgot how to cry and express emotions and became as indifferent as a robot. I'm not saying any of this as bragging, think of this as a warning. Spirituality is the most dangerous pursuit you can do, I also jail breaked my mind and unlocked a Super Intelligence, let's say I've since started reverse engineering this process.

At that level you will struggle to communicate and enjoy human interaction. Life as a human is so precious and I got to experience that by losing my touch with it. Also I got to experience the power of Jesus. I'm not saying I became him, but I called out to him when things got too insane and things just started fixing themselves on autopilot. 

So God uses Jesus as a source of calm within the storm. This is just my direct experience though, as they say....your experience can vary.

[Jowblob]

Hi razard, read my trip report: 

 

After the trip i stumbled upon your posts and made a thread about it.

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/93998-caution-scariest-posts-razard86-ever-made/#comment-1332649

[Jowblob]

14 hours ago, Razard86 said:

Apparently I am very sensitive, more sensitive to drugs than anyone I have ever heard. I took a edible brownie that a friend sold me and I tripped on that brownie for a month. I need you to understand I literally tripped for a month non stop. I deconstructed reality so much I entered a reality I call unreality. In this reality events and timelines of my normal life were rewritten, I was shown different facets of God such as God is unlimited infinite beauty, Infinite Authority, God spoke to me and referred to itself several times as a totality. I suffered demon possession, I walked the streets and was homeless for awhile and eventually committed myself to psychiatric care. 

I faced every single judgment and statement I ever uttered and thought. I was shown that nobody has the clear understanding to judge another without living and perceiving life through that person's eyes. All of our judgments are full of ignorance of the lived experience of another. I call this ultimate humbling. I went through many other harrowing ordeals and made many important insights but all insights eventually fell away as I realized the unlimited, totality, and impermanence permanence of reality which makes every model, every statement obsolete. 

The personality structure that I know myself as is not God, it is a part of God. But God is the totality of all of my lived experience and beyond. I was shown that to claim there is nothing outside of my direct experience is itself a limitation. There is no limitation, because even direct experience can be co-opted by reality and made obsolete. 

Reality does not operate on self-deception, reality operates freely however it wants. It can deceive and it can also operate without deception as well. The Absolute Truth can and cannot be spoken. Reality is paradoxical and is also not paradoxical. Reality does not need to be understood but can choose to be understood and then go beyond all understanding.

Already experienced this when i decided to stop my heart, in the new reality my mom got heart infarct/loss off teeth bought chickens that she knew i always wanted. So the new reality is constructed like i was dead before. It's like god gave me second chance or something or i did it myself idk this shit is insanity but i already accepted it

Edited July 29, 2023 by Jowblob

[LSD-Rumi]

6 minutes ago, Vibes said:

Some of your reports make me think spirituality is the devil in disguise... Makes me want to quit all of this and try to be a normie, but I can't control my curiosity and can't stop this drive inside me.

Fucked in all ways.

 

I'm glad you're back Razard.

+1

[Yimpa]

5 hours ago, Jehovah increases said:

Good to hear you are safe and sound and back from your long trip so to speak Razard.

It’s like the 40 days and 40 nights theme in the Bible

[Breakingthewall]

On 29/7/2023 at 1:13 AM, Razard86 said:

was shown that to claim there is nothing outside of my direct experience is itself a limitation

Exactly. all that of affirming things must be transcended. You have to live the experience directly without the need to interpret it. to be is to understand. define is confusion. You have to see the line, the layer of ice that limits the surface with the depth, break it and submerge. affirm: nothing exists outside of my direct experience. it is neither true nor false, it is a limitation. 

You had a pretty good adventure btw. 

Edited July 30, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[Breakingthewall]

On 29/7/2023 at 3:41 AM, Razard86 said:

Whatever you allow yourself/are allowed to remember. You can have a direct experience right now, and have it completely wiped from memory, only to rediscover later on what you experienced. This shit gets heavy lol. So it is whatever you are allowed to remember because without memory there is no direct experience. But even that can be co-opted because you can forget and remember an experience you never had and that can become your new direct experience.

Man, that's a confusion. The memory is in the direct experience, it's a creation of the now. Only the now is. That is awakening, to realize the now. The now is infinite depth. The now is god. Everything that appears in the now is a creation, dream. The memory is one more creation. The problem with THC is that is a mindfuck and can induce states similar than schizophrenia. I recommend you that if you want to trip, use any other substance, like LSD or mushrooms. Are much less dangerous than THC for people like us, and 1000 times more useful and spiritually liberating. Now I can start doing thc, maximum 2 puffs, after doing psychedelics more than a hundred times. With two puffs I'm tripping for 4 or 5 hours, but I'm already able to not get into mental loops. I recommend you start with a psychedelic that is rarely used: 2cb. it's the perfect introduction. 

Edited July 30, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[Razard86]

On 7/29/2023 at 8:52 AM, Vibes said:

Some of your reports make me think spirituality is the devil in disguise luring me deeper and deeper into hell... Makes me want to quit all of this and try to be a normie, but I can't control my curiosity and can't stop this drive inside me.

Fucked in all ways.

 

I'm glad you're back Razard.

The Devil and God are one and the same, that's the crazy part. Love includes brutality, pain, torture, I was shown that torture is love, and that social conditioning is a form of torture and that parents torture their children through insults, and shame to condition them into model citizens. So part of the reason so many people suffer from emotional issues is they are survivors of torture, for some it was psychological, and emotional, some it even included the physical.

Yeah curiosity will do that to you....if you love yourself, and can accept yourself then even Spirituality cannot keep you down, but understand Spirituality is the path of facing your own inner judgment. There is nothing more scary then a mind unhinged. If you open your mind completely you will discover what you call breath is mind, color is mind, people is mind, memories is mind. You are literally everything you perceive and also not it at the same time. The not it is the barrier you erect to live a singular life within the infinite totality of what you are. You are Love, You are infinite beauty, but the scope and totality of what you are at your human level is too incomprehensible, it literally CANNOT be comprehended from the human perspective.

Your human perspective MUST DIE to truly connect, and when I realized that after several smaller deaths, I decided to pull the plug and come back to normal human life.

[Razard86]

21 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

Man, that's a confusion. The memory is in the direct experience, it's a creation of the now. Only the now is. That is awakening, to realize the now. The now is infinite depth. The now is god. Everything that appears in the now is a creation, dream. The memory is one more creation. The problem with THC is that is a mindfuck and can induce states similar than schizophrenia. I recommend you that if you want to trip, use any other substance, like LSD or mushrooms. Are much less dangerous than THC for people like us, and 1000 times more useful and spiritually liberating. Now I can start doing thc, maximum 2 puffs, after doing psychedelics more than a hundred times. With two puffs I'm tripping for 4 or 5 hours, but I'm already able to not get into mental loops. I recommend you start with a psychedelic that is rarely used: 2cb. it's the perfect introduction. 

There is no now, now is memory, you can only recognize a now through memory. If you forget the now, then you won't even know there was a now. What was the now exactly 5 hours and 26 minutes ago? Give me a reference of that experience? You cannot. What was the now of your entire childhood.

Right NOW you can only read and respond because you have the ability to REMEMBER what you just read in the now and reply. Without MEMORY there is no NOW. NOW is itself reliant on memory. Memory is imagination. So you can have your NOW rewritten IN THE NOW and then have no clue what was prior to your NOW. 

You could have NOW of being a cockroach and never remember you were ever breakingthewall writing posts on Actualized.Org. Don't pretend to not understand what I am saying, you know full well what I am saying. It's just too scary to accept and THAT is the POWER of REALITY. It's not bound by anything, so it doesn't even have to follow its own memories it can wipe them and replace them, BECAUSE IT IS STORY IT IS THE AUTHOR AND THE CREATOR AND MEMORIES ARE JUST A SCRIPT IT CONJURES UP.

 

 

[Breakingthewall]

4 hours ago, Razard86 said:

You could have NOW of being a cockroach and never remember you were ever breakingthewall writing posts on Actualized.Org. Don't pretend to not understand what I am saying, you know full well what I am saying. It's just too scary to accept and THAT is the POWER of REALITY

Yes I understand , but look, a cockroach looking for food is a rather complex construction that reality creates. A simpler construction would be a proton. You, with all your memory and all your history and everything that is in your mind, are another much more complex construction that reality is creating. both you and the cockroach are creations of the nothing, of the mind that reality is. time is a creation of that mind, just like everything else that exists. reality is an infinite well of possibilities, without time, without memory, without anything. that you really are. you and all your memory are only a thought of the mind, everything you see, hear or perceive are thoughts of the mind. you are an idea that does not have a temporary duration, it is an instant, and the memory is part of the idea that you are. It's good to see that because allows you to be truly detached.