How to Get Over a Girls Body Count

[Insightful27]

I have a hangup regarding having a girlfriend that has had sex with other people before me. Logically I know that it is stupid and it shouldn't matter, but when I think about another guy "having" my girl it makes my stomach twist. Selfishly, I want the only person they have that intimate experience with to be me. It's especially bad thinking of my ex with other guys.

Any advice on how to move past this? I kind of think I just need to work on my view of female sexuality. 

[r0ckyreed]

You aren’t alone. She may also have those thoughts about you and your sex count.

It sounds like you are insecure and maybe haven’t moved on from your ex.

I am going through a breakup now and have had those thoughts, but I realize that nobody will ever love my ex anywhere close than I did. It’s her loss and my gain.

Just think of her having sex with other guys as practice for you. Those other guys are just test drives. She is buying the real car which is you. Now, just take her for an adventurous ride. Focus on creating adventures. That’s all I got. Hope it helps.

[Leo Gura]

This is so silly. The only solution here is to just stop thinking about it.

You could also spend hours thinking about how many nasty shits your gf has taken in her life. But you don't because it has zero value to dwell on such things. Every time you sit down for dinner you could fantasize about how you gf is taking a shit. Imagine what it would be like to live that way.

Edited July 25, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Phil King]

2 hours ago, r0ckyreed said:

Just think of her having sex with other guys as practice for you

^^^ This 1000%

Drake explains it perfectly in this song

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhHCdHIzGf4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RalpCJo7suQ

[Ramanujan]

3 hours ago, Insightful27 said:

I have a hangup regarding having a girlfriend that has had sex with other people before me. Logically I know that it is stupid and it shouldn't matter, but when I think about another guy "having" my girl it makes my stomach twist. Selfishly, I want the only person they have that intimate experience with to be me. It's especially bad thinking of my ex with other guys.

Any advice on how to move past this? I kind of think I just need to work on my view of female sexuality. 

Body count matters. dont go for marriage with a chick who got fucked by  more than 5 dudes . u can fuck her but dont marry her . if a chick has been through more than 5 different dicks ,then she is spoiled forever

 

if she has been fucked by more than 5 dudes , or has gone through more than 5 dicks  , she is spoiled . she is not a wife material

Edited July 26, 2023 by Ramanujan

[Roy]

5 hours ago, Insightful27 said:

I have a hangup regarding having a girlfriend that has had sex with other people before me.

That's normal, but unless you're a teenager it's nigh impossible to find a virgin these days. Have realistic expectations.

5 hours ago, Insightful27 said:

Logically I know that it is stupid and it shouldn't matter

It does matter when selecting a long term partner to commit to. Don't let anyone gaslight you, women being promiscuous is NOT a good thing. A girl who is reckless with the most valuable thing she has is not signs of a responsible, trustworthy person. Use your judgement accordingly.

5 hours ago, Insightful27 said:

It's especially bad thinking of my ex with other guys.

Eh but you've moved on have you not? You shouldn't be thinking about your ex. They were there for one part of your life, now you're onto the next part. The only thought you should have about them is comfort in that you were the best they had, their loss ! I don't miss any of my ex's and I loved them all.

5 hours ago, Insightful27 said:

Any advice on how to move past this? I kind of think I just need to work on my view of female sexuality. 

Realize we live in a materialistic culture. It will be difficult to evade that and find traditional girls. Just understand people will have past experiences. Find out whether they are the same person as they were then and if they've grown. Don't judge people too harshly for it, but also know past behavior can be indicative of future behavior and personality.

[Yimpa]

I think opening up to your girlfriend about this would help, if you haven’t told her yet. Let’s see what she thinks.

[StarStruck]

This is a very natural male instinct. You shouldn’t shame yourself for these feelings but find a solution to it. Find yourself a girl with low body count or religious girl. 

[PlayOnWords]

You should be grateful for a girls prior sexual escapades. Her blowjobs would truly suck without them.

The root of this problem is that you've got some insecurity re other guys being better than you. If you truly believed that you were pretty much the best this girl could ever do, you wouldn't care about her sexual past. Seems like the two aren't connected but they are.

[Loving Radiance]

@Insightful27 Develop your anima (Jung psychology).

I also agree with the others that insecurity is the root thing here.

Edited July 26, 2023 by Loving Radiance

[EdgeGod900]

@Insightful27 PLEASE READ THIS, AS I GENUINELY THINK IT WILL BE USEFUL FOR YOU. (Btw there are some gems on quora, don't limit yourself to this forum)

Quote

This is a dangerous question to ask online or in any forum where people do not fully understand your ethics, morals, values, and the reality of your relationship. They do not understand the source of your pain (and will only think that it is purely your jealousy and nothing else) and none of us know what you have and have not communicated with your girlfriend. Therefore, some of the answers you receive will only hurt you more or make you more upset.

When you ask this kind of question on here your overwhelming response will be “get over it” or “it’s in the past so you have to move on.” These are not inaccurate responses, you do eventually have to move on and you will, one way or another you will move on. However, helping you find your process is what people should really be focusing on if they actually want to help you with this.

First, ask yourself whether you intend to marry this individual. If you don’t know yet, you have the option of putting off dealing with this until later. Get to know her as a person. Learn about her personality and her character. If you don’t plan to marry her, ask yourself why you’re with them at all or ask why you’re so bothered by her past. If you feel that there is potential for marriage then continue on.

Here’s one of the important aspects that you should consider in figuring out why you’re bothered: the source. Perhaps it’s because you waited, you feel like she didn’t, and you don’t think that’s fair. Maybe you want to be HER first as well. People (or even your girlfriend) may say, “well it’s all ‘new’ because it’s you.” Yet, this isn’t enough is it? While “new memories” are special, first memories are what we really enjoy making as human beings. A lot of times it’s not enough to hear “it’s special because it’s you” or “it’s new because it’s you” as opposed to “I have never done this before.” The anxiety, anticipation, and excitement of being able to fumble through an experience together or just have similar, fresh feelings together is something special that can never be replaced by anything. For example, imagine the last time you traveled to a place that you have been to before with someone that hasn’t. Now try and remember the last time you traveled to a completely new place with someone that has also not been there. Different, right? Nobody can say which one is absolutely better because we all have different preferences, but at the same time, objectively, the latter example feels like it would have many more emotions attached and much more potential for excitement for BOTH parties. UNLESS, in the first example, you had traveled to that location but it was one you never really wanted to go on, you just felt obligated to go there, making it an unpleasant experience overall.

So there are many different ways to approach this and the depth of this issue is as complex as your thoughts combined with all the thoughts of the people on this forum. However, the first thing you have to determine is WHY you are bothered and to what extent. Is this a matter of pure jealousy or are you also upset about the morals and ethics that seem “questionable” from your perspective? You need to customize your approach depending on how you feel and depending on what exactly is bothering you.

Right now you’re bottling it up and the danger here is that you will harbor resentment. So let me give you this. You have the right to be annoyed, angry, upset, frustrated, disappointed, and all of the other emotions you are feeling. You do. You have the right to communicate with your girlfriend about what bothers you and you have the right to express yourself in a healthy manner to your girlfriend. This means telling her exactly how you feel and this will require you to think through all of it. Your girlfriend also has a right to find someone that loves her wholeheartedly. If she feels that you are that person, she will help you open up, be there for you when you make yourself vulnerable, and will walk through this with you until you either get through it or break.

The next step is very dangerous and has to be approached carefully. You can ask her about the past ONLY if she is willing. This must PURELY be so you can find the silver lining to help understand exactly what she went through and what she was thinking before you. This can either be really helpful in that you work through it together and you also find that her past is really nothing worth mentioning at all or she just has a serious past and you have to deal with it. Scary right? Sift through what she tells you, listen very carefully, and be ready to embrace her wholeheartedly. If you can do this, she will create a partition in her mind and your relationship with her will be on a different level for her. If not, the worst outcome is that you don’t work and perhaps overall that is better than tormenting yourself over this for months or years.

ALSO, remember that relationships and sex are just as confusing, if not even MORE confusing for women than they are for men. She may just be crashing through life trying to figure out how to live and voice herself. If you find that she only engaged in these activities because she was forced or coerced into them then you MUST be ready to provide her with an emotionally safe and stable environment in which you truly listen to and embrace her emotional needs. Many women are coerced into it only to try and “normalize” the situation by saying “well I wasn’t a victim” or “it’s what I wanted at the time so I don’t regret it.” Often times this just is not true. Help her connect or reconnect with herself and to open herself up for the best relationship that you can create with her.

Here is one more thing to consider. You are having an issue with your girlfriend’s past. Now think about your own actions and make sure that you do not create a past for yourself that you or anyone else that you may meet (if there is someone else someday) will regret.

 

Edited July 26, 2023 by EdgeGod900

[EdgeGod900]

@Insightful27 Also, you can literally play the game your own way. The way you play and how other people play(ie. getting over it) aren't the only options. You can literally create your own lifestyle. I have my own that I created that is way different from how most people do relationships(not tellling you tho, because I don't want no copy cats)

[Dryas]

Weird how so many men feel this way. To me I either don’t care at all or view it positively because it means she’s explored herself more. 

[Javfly33]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

This is so silly. The only solution here is to just stop thinking about it.

You could also spend hours thinking about how many nasty shits your gf has taken in her life. But you don't because it has zero value to dwell on such things. Every time you sit down for dinner you could fantasize about how you gf is taking a shit. Imagine what it would be like to live that way.

????

Topic closed OP, as leo says why you thinking about that shit? Chances are if you get a gf she has had other partners before you, this is not the Stone Age. How old are you?

[Something Funny]

Why don't you just date a virgin if it bothers you so much? Problem solved, no need to have those internal struggles with yourself anymore.

[r0ckyreed]

OP needs to consider the cons of the opposite. If your girl has never had past history, she will always be wondering if she could’ve had more or better. Some people marry their high school sweetheart, but then they want to “experiment.” Be grateful that your girlfriend went through the buffet of boyfriends and picked you out.

[Salvijus]

14 hours ago, Insightful27 said:

but when I think about another guy "having" my girl it makes my stomach twist.

 

14 hours ago, Insightful27 said:

I want the only person they have that intimate experience with to be me

 

14 hours ago, Insightful27 said:

Any advice on how to move past this?

You can only lose this attachment and clinginess if you're drinking the fullfilment and love of god directly from the source. Then the need to cling to others is gone. Then you can be fully intimate and and loving with all beings and have no attachment to anyone. It sounds nice in theory but in practice good luck ever getting there. Tho it's possible.

[Salvijus]

Regarding the body count topic. You can realize there's really no difference between a hug, an intimate eye gaze and sex. Perhaps reflecting on it could help you find some acceptance.

But most people can't handle the idea that their partner is having a funny convo with an opposite sex. Let alone the other stuff

Edited July 26, 2023 by Salvijus

[Something Funny]

@Salvijus would you walk the talk and agree to be hugs only for the rest of your life? No sex, just hugs 

Edited July 26, 2023 by Something Funny