Therapy online

[at_anchor]

Hi, I need a therapist. I have been in depression and eating junk food lately as well. I live with someone who I am not sure I can trust at all. I am kind of suicidal as well, but I don't have thoughts of harming others. I just wish I could leave this planet and everyone on it for good when I die. I also see a therapist once a month but nothing gets resolved. So anyway, how do I spend my time? I have nothing to do.

[at_anchor]

I wish I could travel and live almost like a rich person with freedom. I wish I could wake up on a beach and be happy to be alive, with somebody I lost that I loved. I wish that and I have the opposite.

[at_anchor]

I wish I could work, but I can't do workouts, nor can I get employed or drive. Boring life so hard to go through time.

[at_anchor]

@Judy2 you know, I slowed down and feel many times weaker while my apetite got big and I got agitated and restless, while my digestion doesn't work. These doctors are here not to help me tbh. I can't do anything, not even talk to people at a normal pace. I literally can't do stuff. Why do they want me fat, lazy and suicidal? Why do they want me unhappy and miserable all day until I can't no more? Sorry for ruining the thread, but I say the truth. My thoughts slowed down, I an being drugged. We can't have a normal talk. We will see tomorrow.

[Yimpa]

Telling us which country you’re from would be useful information if you want to share. 

[Yimpa]

13 hours ago, at_anchor said:

I also see a therapist once a month but nothing gets resolved.

Ah. You’re gonna have to be honest with your therapist and say that whatever treatment your both doing isn’t working out. It’s also important to tell your therapist that you’re suicidal. 

[at_anchor]

21 hours ago, Judy2 said:

perhaps it does provide a bit of relief though?

This morning I felt happy on it because I didn't eat a bunch of junk food alongside it that can't get digested and excreted from it, but it has many side effects that make it not ideal, like my apetite just keeps growing and I can't control myself. I crave stuff sweet food.

21 hours ago, Judy2 said:

i think they are trying their best to keep you safe and make you feel better. why would they use up so much time and resources if it wasn't to help you?

No, they don't use so much time and resources, I didn't say that all doctors have hidden motives, but they are easily persuaded to believe incorrect things about me and everything. Sometimes I think they just want the side effects, one more than the other. Thing is, you don't have a clue how corrupt people can be in the country I live in. It is scary often, cause you see these people eager to lie, scam and hurt you like there is no God or morals or humanity in them, and most of those have positions in the police and so forth.

 

What do I do that is fun to go through time faster? How do I stop eating wheat, sugar and other junk stuff? I am clean on sex, but not on food and water anymore. How do I survive torture and poisoning that tortures? How do I go to rest in peace and get out of my miserable life that contributes to nothing good in this world?

Sorry for a delayed and negative response.

[at_anchor]

18 hours ago, Yimpa said:

Ah. You’re gonna have to be honest with your therapist and say that whatever treatment your both doing isn’t working out. It’s also important to tell your therapist that you’re suicidal. 

I'm not suicidal, just afraid of torture and pain l am expecting any time soon. The treatment is not working out, which is why they have many more such ideas planned for me if I object. Of course they will not stop and will just make it worse for me if I resist. I'm stuck like an animal in a trap, in a catch 22.

 

 

[at_anchor]

On 7/26/2023 at 4:15 PM, Judy2 said:

you felt happy for some time, that's already worth so much! 

I felt a sense of peace, yes, but that will not be possible with the side effects. Like alcohol and drugs, I guess this too has hangovers and so forth. But yeah, I'll try it without this ridiculous high amount of food, junk food I started eating.

Edited July 28, 2023 by at_anchor

[at_anchor]

I don't feel happy anymore at all. It was something else that made that one morning feel good, maybe the weather and temperature or something else. 

Anyways, I don't want to be tortured. Any advice on how to go through people torturing you and taking away your sanity for life?

[at_anchor]

I'm also afraid of losing my body parts, quite a lot.

[integral]

Forget what you think is true or not, 100% of the problem is you get a bad emotion and project stories externally to everything around you based on that emotion.

Put 100% of that energy mastering your emotions, not being childish everytime you have one by downing in negative thinking making you feel worse. Become mature and handle your mind. 

Wishful thinking, blame, self-pitty all is immature thinking process that your continuedly indulging in like addiction to eating chocolate cake. 

Hold yourself to a higher standard of maturity. 

Edited July 28, 2023 by integral

[at_anchor]

I feel weird after eating cheap cake that is shit, a cool chocolate that is nore for kids, and yes, after seeing the person that loves me, the only one in this world, I mean there are probably nore women out there who have empathy and wish me the best, but yeah. I felt better until I didn't put cake in my mouth. I just went on and on emotionally about my issue that I can't stop thinking about and so yup, I made things even worse for myself by talking in public about them. I'm very afraid, but I think I also lost a part of myself now that makes me unable to live without, i am crazy without it, crazy but good, literally lost and able to be controlled easily. 

But more about the person that loves me... I love her too, so much. I will never be able to stop loving her until I die. I will regret so much as a kid I did and did not do with this person and it is just too late. We are separated from now on until death. Is there, there must be another time we will be together again, is there?

@integral i will read your post again tomorrow, I can't now, my head is on fire from crying and a lot of stuff I saw that leads me to believe people just gossip about me and create my destiny tgat is not good. 

[at_anchor]

Today I bought more gifts for her but she doesn't like them and removes them. The guy with me appeared on camera like he payed for it but didn't. I sometimes think I am being stalked all the time. She doesn't need me, she needs him more. I'm pathetic and stuck with family obedience that is not leading anywhere good. I want to go home, I want euthanasia. Lost everything. Now it is very hard to create anything.

[at_anchor]

Hello, anybody here now? I'd like to talk to a therapist if possible.

[at_anchor]

So anyway, I'm trying to save myself from the pain that has come my way and from even more that is coming. 

I have contradictory desires. One is to live and grow and be happy, the other stems from the knowledge that I lost all hope for that and so I want to die. 

It doesn't stop. Every day the same thing. I'm almost entirely lost. And then I kind of feel fear of pain from death as well, yet I need only the will and hope that death holds something better than life for me. But it is hard to believe in that.

[at_anchor]

It's hard to believe in God, reincarnation, intelligence, heaven or something. Yet I believe, but when it comes to choosing between this world and taking a leap of faith and jumping into that, I can't. Yet I want to end this meaningless and painful existence that can only get worse from here. Asap. But it ain't working. I can't live and grow nor can I die. 

Is my additional suffering and years spent here on Earth going to contribute to a better afterlife or can I die any time and have the same good fortune in another life? 

It is hard to even believe in this sometimes. I read stuff on Quora, and Reddit, but hard to believe.

[at_anchor]

Today, I was exhausted from my famiky member till later in the day. I didn't sleep well and I feel tired. It might be that I changed diets again, from keto to something in between. I wanted to fast again till 3PM, but it didn't work today. Maybe I should be on a keto diet after all and fast. I know it is not healthy or humane or safe to eat that meat. Karma will punish me. Animals on the plate were living beings. But I don't have the willpower and the lifestyle or maybe the sex that is required for my food cravings to go away and I will never have that. Lot's of fruits is real expensive, beans are difficult to make all the time, it's just, bread and junk food is there for a reason, to serve as a cheao replacement with no nitritious value and it is also harmful. 

Anyway, a keto diet might be better for me, but I might be wrong. 

I hate therapy to be honest. It is not therapy, it is just them intimidating me, trying to make me say something stupid so they can judge me and give me bad pills to drink, I think. Or worse!

 

I must be so boring to you who is reading. But my loneliness is killing me. While being with people is also not a good idea since I don't feel good.

 

What have they done to my brain, I will never know. It doesn't matter. My life is like this and that is that. 

[integral]

1 hour ago, at_anchor said:

Anyway, a keto diet might be better for me, but I might be wrong. 

Keto can slow down digestion and make constipation worse, might want to try eating a more balanced diet. 

[at_anchor]

God bless you.

Edited August 11, 2023 by at_anchor