Losing peace, health and freedom

[at_anchor]

Valuable things like freedom and health will never return again and I keep on dreaming of distant lands like a fool. 

Giving up on this site because honestly, I will only be a burden on it. Giving up on myself and allowing people to treat me inhumanely from tomorrow. 

I lost valuable stuff and I might never get it back again. Would you like me to leave? I would like to stay, but it is impossible now. I live in the worst conditions for growth and personal development. 

I have to accept that my health which is actually the most important part of life and peace too, these things I will lack for fifty more years. 

So if possible, tell me how do I accept the loss of freedom, health and peace of mind and body? Also, would it be wise to leave this site and stop making posts for the time being, maybe until I get my health and freedom and peace back? if I get them back. I lost my family too from the loss of health and peace and freedom. Almost lost them all entirely. 

What do you think? Can I be here without some basic stuff like foundational health, peace and freedom? I think no. I think I would just be trouble here. 

[at_anchor]

I think staying is better for me because I became less suicidal to an extent. But that is not important anymore. I still deeply desire my End to life which now I can't get because of a lot of reasons. 

The day of my death will be the greattest day of all and the biggest gift to me. I wish I got it earlier, a lot earlier than most, but I am not that lucky. I will live in great pain for a very, very long time. I wish I didn't. But I have to. That is my destiny. I am trying to run away from it, but it just keeps returning stronger.

I wish I didn't have to see and go througs all this, but hey. I hate science. It has corruption in it to the core.

[Yimpa]

4 hours ago, at_anchor said:

I wish I didn't have to see and go througs all this, but hey. I hate science. It has corruption in it to the core.

And you don’t?

Make sure you’re applying your criticisms of others to yourself as well. Widen your perspective 

[at_anchor]

33 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

And you don’t?

Make sure you’re applying your criticisms of others to yourself as well. Widen your perspective 

I had weaknesses, kind of like things I was ignorant of, two things and now I am a different person, but I changed too late, I realized too late. I lost home and belonging and safety and so forth. Internet was my big enemy to a large extent, online communication with strangers on dating sites was a big issue. Not sleeping another one... I was basically foolishly wasting time and being so bad at real life interactions and communication with people I guess. 

Now I am literally weak, very weak, physically and mentally. So I have my weak spots. 

I wanted to edit that thing about science I wrote and say that there are a lot of corrupt people using science to harm others. That was my initial thought. Science is amazing otherwise and math and science is the best we have. We just have to use it to improve lives, not destroy. And science can be so badly abused.

[Yimpa]

@at_anchor I relate to a lot of what you said. Have you considered therapy? It’s not too late to start that.