Conflicted

[Charlotte]

Having been so sick over the last few years with many health issues I have had to come to the hard decision to suspend the third year of University (this year) whilst I recover from long covid. However, as I am mostly housebound, bed-bound, and have copious amounts of time on my hands I have found I have fell into a little rabbit hole. Even though I am making good use of the time I have, for example, yoga, meditation, growing fruit and veg, reading, podcast's etc, I still feel I have found myself somewhat lost down a little hole I call bullshitness. E.g. social media, shitty films, engaging in egoic opinion based drivel, basically the sort of behaviours and activities I don't align with, fundamentally.... unconscious crap. Imagine being at home all day and some days you're not tired enough to sleep but then don't have enough cognitive and physically energy for reading, thinking in depth, etc. 

Any ideas on how to cut down this mind numbing crap and possibly any other suggestions?

 

?

[PlayOnWords]

I am currently virtually bed-bound also.

I read when I can, research topics of interest, etc. But as you say, sometimes I just don't have the energy.

I'm doing a lot of Jin Shin Jyutsu - essentially a form of bodywork, trying to heal from various ailments - so that takes up a lot of my time and is actually contributing to my fatigue as the energy in my body is doing its thing and changes are occuring.

I think the things you've mentioned are good. When I feel guilty about wasting my time I try to console myself with the idea that this is the best thing for me right now. If I need to rest and watch The Simpsons all day, that's fine; this is what my body is asking, actually, demanding of me right now. The more I can be aligned with my body, the quicker I can get back to life.

[Charlotte]

@PlayOnWords so sorry to hear you also bed-bound. What you said absolutely resonates and I think the message I've acquired from your words are just to apply some self compassion and realise that as long as the long-term vision is held, and I continue to engage in the meaningful activities/behaviours then I suppose that's the best I can do. 

 

Made me laugh that you referred to The Simpsons when that is literally what I had in mind in my original post ?

[PlayOnWords]

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edit: damn, didn't work.

Edited July 23, 2023 by PlayOnWords

[PlayOnWords]

[Ulax]

@Charlotte Hey sorry to hear about your situation.

With regards to the low consciousness stuff you are engaging in, I'd accept that that is where you are at. And then make it so those actvities becoming more fruitful for you. So, if you are say using facebook a lot, I'd like a couple high consciousness pages. Or if you can't stop watching films, maybe start a watch project of a higher consciousness type film director.

I'd take it easy on yourself too. Maybe do some metta meditation. You didn't choose this health problem.

[flowboy]

18 hours ago, Charlotte said:

Having been so sick over the last few years with many health issues I have had to come to the hard decision to suspend the third year of University (this year) whilst I recover from long covid. However, as I am mostly housebound, bed-bound, and have copious amounts of time on my hands I have found I have fell into a little rabbit hole. Even though I am making good use of the time I have, for example, yoga, meditation, growing fruit and veg, reading, podcast's etc, I still feel I have found myself somewhat lost down a little hole I call bullshitness. E.g. social media, shitty films, engaging in egoic opinion based drivel, basically the sort of behaviours and activities I don't align with, fundamentally.... unconscious crap. Imagine being at home all day and some days you're not tired enough to sleep but then don't have enough cognitive and physically energy for reading, thinking in depth, etc. 

Any ideas on how to cut down this mind numbing crap and possibly any other suggestions?

 

?

I'm sorry you're bed-bound. It's a difficult thing we're not made to deal with, so cut yourself some slack also.

What I will say is what I have noticed in myself: the activities you mention are a bad replacement for socialization (a band-aid on loneliness)

Because you are already reading, which is taking in high quality information / entertainment.

So what could you possibly get out of social media and shitty films?

Imagined social life (even living with the characters of a movie in the imagination). And discussions with faceless people you don't care about replace social interaction with real people.

I'd expect it to be easier to cut down on those things if you had friends over a lot, or lived with people.

I say that because I experienced it for myself: on a retreat, coliving with other people around me, not necessarily interacting with them even, I had zero impulse to argue with people on the internet or watch tv. Then I got back home where I lived alone: back was the phone addiction, the allure of Netflix, and the correcting people's opinions on the internet.

Edited July 24, 2023 by flowboy

[flowboy]

 

[Charlotte]

@PlayOnWords hahahaha exactly!! How do you pop a gif on this forum? I wanted to insert a very relevant Homer gif but I forgot how ?

 

@Ulax appreciate your suggestions and advice thank you ☺️

@flowboy Thanks for replying. I don't know if they're a substitution for socialising, I can't socialise much even when I'm well, it's too over stimulating. I find it maybe just because I am seeking some form of freedom from boredom ? What makes things more difficult is the current situation I find myself in means I have a perfectly good mind sat 'inside' a temporarily knackered body, thentl throw in the extra restraint of being house bound, it all just feels like a prison, suffocating. So yeah, upon reflection, it may be that I am minimally partaking in such drivel as an escape (maybe a type of emotional regulation strategy) from what I currently feel is a type of imprisonment. ?

[PlayOnWords]

2 hours ago, Charlotte said:

@PlayOnWords hahahaha exactly!! How do you pop a gif on this forum? I wanted to insert a very relevant Homer gif but I forgot how ?

Find one on Google Images, download, attach to post.

[gettoefl]

for me it's about dividing the 16-hour day into 16 one hour buckets and sticking to it

i have the same schedule every day which i change as other stuff arises

do hard stuff early in the day, easy stuff late on

all the best with your year being home

Edited July 25, 2023 by gettoefl

[Michal__]

If nobody is telling what to do you NEED to plan every day in advance. 

For example in the way @gettoefl suggested.

Edited July 25, 2023 by Michal__