5-MeO went horribly wrong...

[ronda]

Hey everyone,

I'm sharing this post to recount my harrowing experience with psychedelics, hoping that someone out there might offer some advice or relate to what I've been going through. I've always had a wild imagination and a fascination with trippy dreams, so naturally, I found myself drawn to the world of psychedelics.

It all started innocently enough with LSD, which gave me some quirky visuals, nothing too alarming. But then, after a particularly intense LSD trip, things took a twisted turn. I began seeing penises everywhere after watching some porn during the trip - on everyday objects, in nature, even in the clouds! At first, it was even quite amusing, and I laughed it off, thinking it was just a weird side effect that would pass with time.

But then, I made the regrettable decision to try 5-MeO-DMT, and that's when my psychedelic journey turned into a full-blown nightmare. I dove into it headfirst, taking it four times in one day, seeking an intense, deep experience.

The last trip was an experience beyond words, as if an entire ocean of intensity, love, and pain surged through the very core of my being. It was like being caught in a tumultuous and magnificent wave, where time lost all meaning, and I was engulfed by the raw power of life.

As the 5-MeO-DMT took hold of me, it felt like my consciousness was exploding into infinity. The boundaries of my mind dissolved, and I became one with the world. I could feel the energy of the universe flowing through every fiber of my being, connecting me to everything that ever was and ever will be.

During the peak of the trip, I was immersed in a state of pure bliss and love. It was as if the very essence of love itself embraced me, cradling me in its warm embrace. I felt an overwhelming sense of interconnectedness with my family, friend, my girlfriend and all living beings, as if we were all threads woven into the tapestry of existence.

But amidst the beauty and wonder, there was an undercurrent of pain and shame. It was like a deep, buried part of myself that I had been avoiding, surfacing to be acknowledged. It was an emotional rollercoaster, and I could feel tears streaming down my face as I was going trough the pent-up emotions. It was definitely too much to handle and I couldn't "let go"...

Eventually, the intensity began to subside, and I found myself slowly returning to the present reality. As I came back to my senses, those pesky penis visions resurfaced literally everywhere.

They were no longer amusing as they had been after previous LSD experience; instead, they felt intrusive, disgusting and overwhelming. It was as if my brain had become fixated on this bizarre imagery, unable to break free from the psychotic loop.

In the days that followed, I grappled with a myriad of emotions. On one hand, I felt grateful for the transcendent experience and the connection I had felt with the universe. On the other hand, I was plagued by the relentless visions, which invaded every aspect of my waking life and even intruded upon my dreams.

I desperately sought answers, scouring the internet for explanations and solutions. The more I researched, the more I learned about HPPD and the potential risks of using powerful psychedelics. My anxiety only deepened as I read about others who had faced similar challenges after intense trips and didn't come back.

If anyone out there has experienced something similar or has any advice to offer, please, I beg you, share your wisdom. I still need help, and I know there are others who do too. Together, we can overcome the darkness that lurks in the wake of psychedelic experiences.

 

[PlayOnWords]

I remember seeing burlesque-style women and flashing lights like Vegas in a trip once. I had masturbated beforehand and worked in a casino at the time so I guessed this was the 'immediate' and 'distant' parts of my subconscious coming out and intertwining.

The penises could just be because you watched porn and maybe the ego latched onto it to freak you out and make sure you don't take LSD again. But then you had the balls, if you'll pardon the pun, to go ahead and take 5-MeO so I don't know.

It's my understanding and experience that most people have some work to do on their sexuality. Whether it's something that's happened to them and the consequences of that, or some repressed sexual desires. And everything in-between. Could there be anything in your past relating to sexuality that could be unhealed in you?

I don't know your gender or sexual orientation and I don't need to know, but I would like to stress that just because you were seeing penises everywhere and it became central to the trip doesn't mean that you have a secret desire of a thousand penises in your butt. It could mean that, but not necessarily. It could even illustrate something so seemingly insignificant that is unresolved in your psyche. Maybe you walked in on your mum getting pounded when you were 5 and here the trip is showing you how you felt about that.

So you'll have to go inside yourself and see what could be the cause of it.

 

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

One big advice in such condition is to stop reading on the internet others stories. It will make your mind go crazy in search for answers. I know that, the feeling of being understood but believe me you will only cling only to the worst stories.

Ground in nature, maybe try being naked in a forest, expose the body to the elements. This just to chill down a bit.

For the visuals i would just try to allow them as much as u can, giving them freedom to be expressed totally, they will probably loosen up.

[Yimpa]

Yup, I’ve faced a bunch of dark, intrusive thoughts even before discovering psychedelics. If anything, psychedelics actually helped give me that contrast of heaven and hell like you mentioned, then I was able to get proper help for my mental health conditions and neurodiversity (e.g. OCD). This didn’t come easy at all, and it’s still something I work on a daily basis.

Constantly avoiding / running away from difficult emotions isn’t going to be the long-term solution. You have to be willing to face them head on, even the ones that freak you out. Start small first, then work towards more challenging stuff.

Also, the problem is when you give additional meaning to the difficult emotions while simultaneously suppressing them. This reassurance seeking is a sneaky way to distract yourself from actually facing uncomfortable aspects of yourself.

Leo had a great blog post recently which ties-in well:

[Jowblob]

From what i understand is that your ego wasn't progressed/developed enough to understand what these psychedelics are or what they can do so because of that your ego interfered a lot, not knowing how to act in higher consciousness because you couldn't let go and didn't have enough information in your ego development. The lsd trip report you're describing is typical for normies that aren't into spirituality/god/, they just take it for "fun experience" having no idea what it is. Be very careful, don't destroy your life. 

[Vrubel]

@ronda You went in too hard too fast. Take it easy, build yourself slowly up. From what I understand your trip was so deep that the ego backlash was incredibly colossal as well. The negative spin has all to do with your perception and projections. The 5meo did its job perfectly and a backlash is to be expected and accepted. 

[Ulax]

@ronda I think Shinzen Young's see hear feel mindfulness system could be very helpful for you atm:

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/SeeHearFeelIntroduction_ver1.8.pdf

Edited July 23, 2023 by Ulax

[Breakingthewall]

5meo to me sometimes feels like raping the doors of heaven. You are opening something that would not naturally open. In my case, intuitively, I did it little by little, step by step. integrating each step, and then the next. but maybe it's better how you've done it, faster, but now you have more ego reaction. This reaction is the equalization of your psyche prior to the trip with the opening of the trip. a major adjustment is necessary, and since everything has been so violent, the adjustment seems to be annoying. Give yourself time, and if I were you, I would do it again when things stabilize. If you've started, I don't think you want to stop now

Edited July 23, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[bensenbiz]

13 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

5meo to me sometimes feels like raping the doors of heaven. You are opening something that would not naturally open. In my case, intuitively, I did it little by little, step by step. integrating each step, and then the next. but maybe it's better how you've done it, faster, but now you have more ego reaction. This reaction is the equalization of your psyche prior to the trip with the opening of the trip. a major adjustment is necessary, and since everything has been so violent, the adjustment seems to be annoying. Give yourself time, and if I were you, I would do it again when things stabilize. If you've started, I don't think you want to stop now

How pleasent were the little steps? I am really in between: full dosage go for traumatizing the ego or peace by peace how I did it with other psychedelics.

 

 

[Yimpa]

13 minutes ago, bensenbiz said:

How pleasent were the little steps? I am really in between: full dosage go for traumatizing the ego or peace by peace how I did it with other psychedelics.

The goal isn’t to traumatize the ego, it’s to become directly conscious of how your mind works

[Breakingthewall]

22 minutes ago, bensenbiz said:

How pleasent were the little steps? I am really in between: full dosage go for traumatizing the ego or peace by peace how I did it with other psychedelics.

 

 

Well, The first few times I couldn't breakthrough, so I vaped 18mg and was a breakthrough, but very unpleasant. infinite void. After that I did it many more times, but low doses, vaping 10 mg, I was quite scared, until I saw it clearer and one day I vaped 18, again infinite void, the next day 20, horrible void , and right after again more than 20 mg and then I had a total breakthrough, but it took me more than a year from the first time until I could do it, and it's still difficult

Edited July 23, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[bensenbiz]

6 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

The goal isn’t to traumatize the ego, it’s to become directly conscious of how your mind works

I agree, too bad that 99% of 5Meo consume is out of a pipe = harsh for the ego.

 

but Leo and others are repeating often: you can‘t realize god without freaking out / dying. Would you agree?

[bensenbiz]

1 minute ago, Breakingthewall said:

Well, The first few times I couldn't breakthrough, so I vaped 18mg and was a breakthrough, but very unpleasant. infinite void. After that I did it many more times, but low doses, vaping 10 mg, I was quite scared, until I saw it clearer and one day I vaped 18, again infinite void, the next day 20, horrible void , and right after again more than 20 mg and then I had a total breakthrough, but it took me more than a year from the first time until I could do it, and it's still difficult

Damn that still doesn‘t sound gentle.

San Pedro felt always very gentle but I never got that deep with it.

 

btw: I am changing the topic. Sorry! 

[Breakingthewall]

@bensenbiz 

5meo is a process. really break your limits, and you really become infinite. it's real, absolutely. but in order to open yourself to it you need to rewire yourself, purify yourself.

[Yimpa]

13 minutes ago, bensenbiz said:

I agree, too bad that 99% of 5Meo consume is out of a pipe = harsh for the ego.

 

but Leo and others are repeating often: you can‘t realize god without freaking out / dying. Would you agree?

The work is also about how Infinite Mind imagines ego ?

This work ain’t easy. There’s a bunch of deceptions. Also, this is why this even transcends psychotherapy (which is still important for people like me who have mental health conditions). 

While psychotherapy is done to help people readjust their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, spirituality is about becoming directly conscious of  Reality itself -Reality doesn’t need to be fixed because:

Fixing and people are imaginary!

Edited July 23, 2023 by Yimpa
I fixed something

[Leo Gura]

You are not going to awaken too deeply without confronting insanity.

It's good for you to see that Consciousness is not limited to pleasant spiritual things.

Calm yourself down and relax your mind. Worrying about it only makes it worse.

Edited July 24, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Girzo]

Takes time to pass.

[Jayson G]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You are not going to awaken too deeply without confronting insanity.

It's good for you to see that Consciousness is not limited to pleasant spiritual things.

Calm yourself down and relax your mind. Worrying about it only makes it worse.

@Leo Gura I had an LSD trip where I knew I was me, my identity was intact, but I couldn't recognize the context of what was around me. Like I was in a building and nothing changed in terms of visuals, but contextually nothing made sense. Also later that trip when I was going to sleep I closed my eyes and it felt like I was watching all kinds of horror movies, and like I was kinda physically moving through those. I did have some bits of panic in these scenarios but mostly I was fine and not freaking out.

Is this what you would call some light degree of insanity, or just as some parts of this trip being bad? Not sure what you're referring to when you say insanity actually. 

[Leo Gura]

19 minutes ago, Jayson G said:

Is this what you would call some light degree of insanity,

Nah, insanity is beyond that.

[Loveeee]

On 7/23/2023 at 7:07 PM, ronda said:

My anxiety only deepened as I read about others who had faced similar challenges after intense trips and didn't come back.

 

Didn't come back ?