Intense shame when hot women are interested in me

[PurpleTree]

I wonder what the underlying belief/ assumption is for this

 

for example an hour ago i felt good, saw two beautiful women, they seemed interested the way they started touching their hair and looked at me. Also they walked towards me and were whispering to each other.
But my body and brain just shuts down with intense shame in these situations and blocks.

has anybody overcome that?

[NoSelfSelf]

I did you basically worship hotness as something special that is going to determin how much you worth or something,too much emotional care for the world,caring about women when she didnt do anything,low self esteem not seeing yourself beautiful(internally),reactive not proactive in general,naive worldview about dating and women,impacted by teachers not yourself i can go on and on...

There is alot of stuff packed underneath that ...but main thing you worship hot women because you dont value yourself and if they give you validation you will be valuable so you afraid in that moment to not screw up because you care about her opinions which is all bs..her opinion is the thing that will make it or break you will you be a winner or a man or loser or a weakling...

 

And most importan thing is you cant value yourself because you dont know yourself and you want her opinion of you because you dont have it for yourself, because you not a man influenced by everything but yourself as i said already...

Edited July 17, 2023 by NoSelfSelf

[supremeyingyang]

32 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

I wonder what the underlying belief/ assumption is for this

 

for example an hour ago i felt good, saw two beautiful women, they seemed interested the way they started touching their hair and looked at me. Also they walked towards me and were whispering to each other.
But my body and brain just shuts down with intense shame in these situations and blocks.

has anybody overcome that?

Don't listen to the other guy.

Accept your desire to want to talk to these girls and what else not. If you feel like you need to be better for doing that, then improve. What it is you find out in overcoming the problem.

Don't make it harder as it is.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2o5rZXiff0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxiBBnOLj4Q

 

Edited July 17, 2023 by Raze

[nhoktinvt]

girls : love you so much
you: shit she likes me should i like her back ? nah i'm the prize she must chase me down
this is like manipulative unconscious kids games

 

Edited July 17, 2023 by nhoktinvt

[Sugarcoat]

I said it once on your post about your relationship with your face and I’ll say it again lol because this lowkey confirmed my suspicions 

What I’m sensing is that you need to ground yourself deeper in your body  . Because then it’s not possible to shut down like that, because your body will be at such ease and so open that everything just flows through it . You couldn’t even block if you tried lol

 

but sure you can keep trying to change your “mindset” forever ..

Edited July 17, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[PurpleTree]

6 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I said it once on your post about your relationship with your face and I’ll say it again lol 

What I’m sensing is that you need to ground yourself deeper in your body  . Because then it’s not possible to shut down like that, because your body will be at such ease and so open that everything just flows through it . You couldn’t even block if you tried lol

 

but sure you can keep trying to change your “mindset” forever ..

The thing is i am often grounded in my body. I often feel a deep peace etc etc but then this is just such a strong trigger that i shut down and i am not exactly sure why. Seems like some ptsd stuff but i‘m not sure what the causing underlying belief is, it‘s very hard to untangle.

[Sugarcoat]

2 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

The thing is i am often grounded in my body. I often feel a deep peace etc etc but then this is just such a strong trigger that i shut down and i am not exactly sure why. Seems like some ptsd stuff but i‘m not sure what the causing underlying belief is, it‘s very hard to untangle.

Is it different if the woman is less hot than you?

[PurpleTree]

6 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Is it different if the woman is less hot than you?

I also feel shame then i‘m also often bad at getting compliments, for example a chick told me i’m attractive lately but it just kind of makes me cringe, or if a guy tells me how much he likes me but it‘s the worst/strongest with beautiful women.

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, PurpleTree said:

I also feel shame then i‘m also often bad at getting compliments, for example a chick told me i’m attractive lately but it just kind of makes me cringe, or if a guy tells me how much he likes me but it‘s the worst/strongest with beautiful women.

Do you have a lot of fantasies? Like a rich mind 

[PurpleTree]

9 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Do you have a lot of fantasies? Like a rich mind 

Yea always been „creative“ and was an only child so had lots of time to be in my mind

 

i mean less so now because i‘m trying to be with what is and less in fantasy

Edited July 17, 2023 by PurpleTree

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, PurpleTree said:

Yea always been „creative“ and was an only child so had lots of time to be in my mind

Yea but I was thinking more fantasies about idealized scenarios because it’s not too uncommon in some of us who feel a bit cringe sometimes 

[PurpleTree]

5 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Yea but I was thinking more fantasies about idealized scenarios because it’s not too uncommon in some of us who feel a bit cringe sometimes 

Yea not so much now as i‘m doing inner consciousness work etc whatever and trying to be present

 

but i would often be in lala land very much and deep as a child und untill whenever

 

also i have high expectations of myself and others, i think it‘s a bit softening too but many triggers i can‘t escape

Edited July 17, 2023 by PurpleTree

[Sugarcoat]

30 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

Yea not so much now as i‘m doing inner consciousness work etc whatever and trying to be present

 

but i would often be in lala land very much and deep as a child und untill whenever

Same I relate to you a quite a bit also much more in my past. 
I still also have this cringe/shame that you talk about, but it’s very very subtle so I don’t 100% know what it’s about also. 
 

So yea I’d just say that’s good keep doing that work you doing. 

But also I’d like to add something.
 

Your body-mind-energy has a natural self regulatory tendency by itself, no matter what you do.
 

So you might try hard to “be present” but so is your body-mind-energy doing too independent of your effort.
 

So your “lack of presence” can be seen as a particular state that is not PURELY mental or related to your “consciousness”  
 

It’s also connected to the body,  nervous system and  your “energy” patterns. 
 

so all of these different components work together creating this dysregulated state. 
 

but as I said there is a natural self regulatory tendency regardless of your conscious effort. 
So you might have a bunch of impulses for example I saw a post you wrote wondering why you go back and forth on the internet . Or why you keep refreshing this forum (I do it too haha) . Or maybe you have other cravings for certain foods. Or whatever

. All kinds of impulses are aspects to this self regulatory tendency of these different components of you that I mentioned. Even if they seem “bad” to you or “excessive” . 
 

So one might exhaust oneself trying to achieve a particular state “presence”. But what’s more effective in a way is slowly letting go of some of that effort and allowing this intelligence to take over more and more which it’s already trying to do with all these impulses you’ve having

 

you might notice for example if you pay attention how you feel in your body or how your energy moves when you for example engage in this forum as you mentioned and when you read something that resonates. Or when you write a post you might notice how it feels cleansing energetically. Or maybe feels nice in the body 
or if you eat a food you crave how it puts you in a particular desirable state

 

all examples of how this self- regulatory tendency plays itself out trying to put you into the best possible state and balance independent of your effort . Also mental stories is a part of this. 

so yea all I’m trying to say is that at some point in time one can sort of exhaust this conscious effort and let this intelligence,  this self regulatory tendency to take over more and more because it’s just beyond our own capacity how genius it is

personally it has absolutely transformed my default state in ways I could’ve never done myself in short period of time 

simply writing this post I can sense this energy being channeled out of my body it’s very cleansing. So thanks for giving me this opportunity to cleanse myself ???Just mentioning so you get the idea 

 

so yea do what you want with this info maybe it resonates maybe it just sounds bla bla hahahah ? ?? cheers 

Edited July 17, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Hardkill]

@PurpleTree Did you talk to them at all?

I would've said something like "Hey ladies. I see you both have been checking me out. I get it. I mean what's not to like...." with a cheeky smile. Even if they lie about by being like "Oh, no sorry, we weren't......" Then right away say "Oh no, you don't have to apologize. Come on, I know you both have already been looking at me like a piece of meat and are right now trying to come up with a game plan on what's the best way to hit on me." You definitely want to say all of this in a cocky/funny manner. At the very least it will makes things fun for all of you in the interaction.

Edited July 17, 2023 by Hardkill

[PurpleTree]

28 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Same I relate to you a quite a bit also much more in my past. 
I still also have this cringe/shame that you talk about, but it’s very very subtle so I don’t 100% know what it’s about also. 
 

So yea I’d just say that’s good keep doing that work you doing. 

But also I’d like to add something.
 

Your body-mind-energy has a natural self regulatory tendency by itself, no matter what you do.
 

So you might try hard to “be present” but so is your body-mind-energy doing too independent of your effort.
 

So your “lack of presence” can be seen as a particular state that is not PURELY mental or related to your “consciousness”  
 

It’s also connected to the body,  nervous system and  your “energy” patterns. 
 

so all of these different components work together creating this dysregulated state. 
 

but as I said there is a natural self regulatory tendency regardless of your conscious effort. 
So you might have a bunch of impulses for example I saw a post you wrote wondering why you go back and forth on the internet . Or why you keep refreshing this forum (I do it too haha) . Or maybe you have other cravings for certain foods. Or whatever

. All kinds of impulses are aspects to this self regulatory tendency of these different components of you that I mentioned. Even if they seem “bad” to you or “excessive” . 
 

So one might exhaust oneself trying to achieve a particular state “presence”. But what’s more effective in a way is slowly letting go of some of that effort and allowing this intelligence to take over more and more which it’s already trying to do with all these impulses you’ve having

 

you might notice for example if you pay attention how you feel in your body or how your energy moves when you for example engage in this forum as you mentioned and when you read something that resonates. Or when you write a post you might notice how it feels cleansing energetically. Or maybe feels nice in the body 
or if you eat a food you crave how it puts you in a particular desirable state

 

all examples of how this self- regulatory tendency plays itself out trying to put you into the best possible state and balance independent of your effort . Also mental stories is a part of this. 

so yea all I’m trying to say is that at some point in time one can sort of exhaust this conscious effort and let this intelligence,  this self regulatory tendency to take over more and more because it’s just beyond our own capacity how genius it is

personally it has absolutely transformed my default state in ways I could’ve never done myself in short period of time 

simply writing this post I can sense this energy being channeled out of my body it’s very cleansing. So thanks for giving me this opportunity to cleanse myself ???Just mentioning so you get the idea 

 

so yea do what you want with this info maybe it resonates maybe it just sounds bla bla hahahah ? ?? cheers 

Thanks for your post

yea i look at it from at least two angles.

one angle is the kind of let go and let god, everything is already perfect. This is how it’s supposed to be, nothing to seek or heal kind of thing.

And the other angle is i’m still in ego, this shame block is unnecessary and so frustrating. Hot chicks are into me and i get blocked wtf. And there are things i can try more like somatic work, more psychedelics, more yoga, shadow work, inner child work, ask dumb questions on the forum etc etc etc etc etc etc 

 

11 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

@PurpleTree Did you talk to them at all?

I would've said something like "Hey ladies. I see you both have been checking me out. I get it. I mean what's not to like...." with a cheeky smile. Even if they lie about by being like "Oh, no sorry, we weren't......" Then right away say "Oh no, you don't have to apologize. Come on, I know you both have already been looking at me like a piece of meat and are right now trying to come up with a game plan on what's the best way to hit on me." You definitely want to say all of this in a cocky/funny manner. At the very least it will makes things fun for all of you in the interaction.

No i just turned my head when they walked closer to me and walked away feeling the shame trying not to think, trying to fully accept the shame

the thing is i can’t smile nor talk basically when i’min this “ptsd shame block” a cocky smile and cool sentence in this situation is impossible

Edited July 17, 2023 by PurpleTree

[Sugarcoat]

7 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

Thanks for your post

yea i look at it from at least two angles.

one angle is the kind of let go and let god, everything is already perfect. This is how it’s supposed to be, nothing to seek or heal kind of thing.

And the other angle is i’m still in ego, this shame block is unnecessary and so frustrating. Hot chicks are into me and i get blocked wtf. And there are things i can try more like somatic work, more psychedelics, more yoga, shadow work, inner child work, ask dumb questions on the forum etc etc etc etc etc etc 

No problem thansk you too!

yea those perspectives can co exist for sure!

i meant more that in the same way you are making conscious effort to try to optimize your state and healing, there is a natural intelligence doing the same so by letting go you are allowing this intelligence take over more and “do its thing” so it’s actually benefitting you and getting you closer to where you want!

 

also maybe you’re already doing this but simply putting yourself in the very situations that make you uncomfortable can help too 

 

[Hardkill]

10 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

No i just turned my head when they walked closer to me and walked away feeling the shame trying not to think, trying to fully accept the shame

the thing is i can’t smile nor talk basically when i’min this “ptsd shame block” a cocky smile and cool sentence in this situation is impossible

Oh, I see. Have you tried an approach anxiety program before?

[nhoktinvt]

it's not anxiety it's frickin unauthenticity which is will make you unhappy or shame