I just don’t connect with people.

[jdc7733]

I’ve tried forgiveness. I forgive. I’ve tried losing my sense of identity. I’ve tried being more open minded. I’ve tried putting more effort in with the people who are close to me. I just don’t know how to connect with people.

[Yimpa]

Start by connecting with yourself, first and foremost. Instead of running away from fears, you make it your life mission to understand the mechanisms for how your mind works. Do this for years and decades through difficult, laborious work, trial and error, but with passion. It’s gonna hurt like hell, but your other option is to live in fantasies and delusions for another 30 years. Which, of course, I highly advise against. 

The 30 year route is what most will do blindly. The consequence is missing out on an entire landscape of yourself and reality. 

Edited July 17, 2023 by Yimpa

[NoSelfSelf]

Losing your sense of identity that's what you lack to connect with others, you saying losing it,but im sure you didnt have it strong in the first place because you want to connect with others and not being connected to yourself,people cant connect with you then...based on what?

[Yimpa]

@NoSelfSelf It took me over a decade to realize that my identity was built on a house of cards. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Yimpa im curious how did you realize that and what did you do after that?...if its a loaded response i would appreciate it in the dms ?...

[Sugarcoat]

What does it mean to be connected to people even? I’m asking becuase I’m wondering myself . Never really felt connected to people in my entire life. Not really desired too either but just wondering what it is about 

Edited July 18, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[NoSelfSelf]

@Sugarcoat Like the word says you connect with another person through common experience,similar thinking,likes, like you get another person how they are through yourself ,  then something clicks where you two start to have chemistry where you start to create something(im vague i know)where only you two have ,that person brings something out of you and you out of them,its like a bubble where you two play inside it just flows,like you known that person for long time but it could be only 3 hours... you must have that with someone you are different and elevated self around that person, it could be a sign you connected.. i dont know if this makes any sense...

[Sugarcoat]

22 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Sugarcoat Like the word says you connect with another person through common experience,similar thinking,likes, like you get another person how they are through yourself ,  then something clicks where you two start to have chemistry where you start to create something(im vague i know)where only you two have ,that person brings something out of you and you out of them,its like a bubble where you two play inside it just flows,like you known that person for long time but it could be only 3 hours... you must have that with someone you are different and elevated self around that person, it could be a sign you connected.. i dont know if this makes any sense...

It all makes sense. I have connected with people various ways for example with one person we might connect through humor and jokes, another person like a family member we connect through having lived together so similar experience and also genetic similarities and certain qualities. And maybe with someone else they have a quality about them that I have so we vibe over that. Or through working together being interested in similar topics. But still throughout my life something has been missing, something “energetic” almost perhaps idk . I feel that in this forum I have experienced this “energetic resonance “ when reading here and interacting with people that I ~ never~ experience in real life with people . But then in this forum you lack that in person real life interaction . It’s not really a major problem but still something missing to the puzzle when engaged with others . It’s like living two existences. Not that it isn’t possible ever to merge the two in one connection with someone but it hasn’t happened yet . 

Edited July 18, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[NoSelfSelf]

@Sugarcoat I get what you mean im the same, you seek that deeper connection that people dont have because they are average with no substance, people here are deeper thinkers than common folk,but i assume you need even deeper than that uncommon among the uncommon people to get that missing part fully ,which you need to position yourself greatly to find...

[Sugarcoat]

1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Sugarcoat I get what you mean im the same, you seek that deeper connection that people dont have because they are average with no substance, people here are deeper thinkers than common folk,but i assume you need even deeper than that uncommon among the uncommon people to get that missing part fully ,which you need to position yourself greatly to find...

I’m in Croatia right now I wonder if that’s good position

you should know ???

[Sugarcoat]

22 hours ago, Yimpa said:

Start by connecting with yourself, first and foremost. Instead of running away from fears, you make it your life mission to understand the mechanisms for how your mind works. Do this for years and decades through difficult, laborious work, trial and error, but with passion. It’s gonna hurt like hell, but your other option is to live in fantasies and delusions for another 30 years. Which, of course, I highly advise against. 

The 30 year route is what most will do blindly. The consequence is missing out on an entire landscape of yourself and reality. 

I feel like you’re describing my experience or at least something along the lines. But it’s so mysterious I don’t even know the hell it’s all about. It’s like I haven’t even had a life at all because my sense of having a life and time was associated with the very mental layers continuously being dissolved one after another by this hyper awareness

[Yimpa]

48 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I feel like you’re describing my experience or at least something along the lines. But it’s so mysterious I don’t even know the hell it’s all about. It’s like I haven’t even had a life at all because my sense of having a life and time was associated with the very mental layers continuously being dissolved one after another by this hyper awareness

What do you mean by “hyper awareness”?

[Sugarcoat]

2 hours ago, Yimpa said:

What do you mean by “hyper awareness”?

Perhaps not a thing in itself. But rather there is something that was most prominent in my  reality so I was  “hyper aware” of that thing. It taking up the majority of my attention, effortlessly.  For me it was my own mind. What was the contents of this mind? For me it was most prominently this mind made “real life” self and mind made “ideal self” those two in this contrast to each other , and all the beliefs etc surrounding it. My mind in general too, as filter on other people and the environment. 
 

Also I had what I described back then as a “baseline level of tension” so I was hyper aware of this “tension” that was associated with my sense of self /mind. Then I would have what I called “releases of tension” associated with the dying off some beliefs dear to me but then with every “release” it was a relief for short while, then the contrast dies out and the new “baseline tension” becomes prominent in one’s awareness again to reach a climax followed by another release of tension. The “hyper awareness” of the tension being lowkey what makes it possible for it to dissolve. Kind of like this hyper focus on it so much it takes up your entire attention almost. 
 

I don’t know the nature of this “tension” kind of like stress in the body associated with one’s mind? Idk. But it feels more fundamental in a way because it’s like a tension in one’s entire relationship to reality 

Edited July 19, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Salvijus]

16 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

What does it mean to be connected to people even?

It means to experience some sense of union and embrace between to people. Where two people are no longer defensive, pretentious, no mask, no nothing. Just trust, vulnerability, openess, and allowence. When you meet a person you feel that you can totally trust and be open with. You become vulnerable, and it leads to intimacy, "nakedness" so to speak, then the joy of union is born and usually it's called love chemistry. Or deep friendship chemistry. I think that would be my definition of connectedness.

 

And the reson laughter and jokes work well to connect with people bc it opens people up. It makes them drop their guard down. To become vulnerable. It fosters trust. Without these things no connection is possible. Suspiciousness, doubt, waryness, fear, is what pushes people away and create boundaries to feel safe. But it also isolates us. Love brakes all boundaries and love is what connects us in the end.

Edited July 19, 2023 by Salvijus

[Salvijus]

On 2023-07-17 at 9:54 PM, jdc7733 said:

I just don’t know how to connect with people.

Your situation is missing context but i will try to make a blind guess. My guess is. Probably you're holding yourself back a lot when communicating. Due to insecurites or fears or whatnot.

Edited July 19, 2023 by Salvijus

[Yimpa]

4 hours ago, Salvijus said:

Your situation is missing context but i will try to make a blind guess. My guess is. Probably you're holding yourself back a lot when communicating. Due to insecurites or fears or whatnot.

Yep, I struggle with that. What has helped me is being in touch with my values and just practicing socializing regularly.

I imagine even doing miscellaneous socialization practices from home can help as a start. For example, if you’re into fashion, calling your local boutique and asking about their latest clothing items and trends. Or calling a local bookstore or library for book recommendations if you’re into reading.

Consistent action, even if small, is better than avoiding or doing nothing at all. Then naturally, the bigger action steps will come about because you’ll realize that you can handle more than you originally thought.

[Salvijus]

1 hour ago, Yimpa said:

Yep, I struggle with that.

Dancing can help. By yourself in your room. To shake off all that stiffness, self-judgement, fearful, deeply rooted self-sabotaging patterns that block us from freely expressing ourselves. It becomes very clear how much of that we have when we begin to dance lol.

And if one is crazy enough, you can try dancing with another person. When one becomes comfortable dancing with different people unprepared, most if not all socializing problems get solved i believe. Bc dancing and socializing is not any different really. Same energy.

@jdc7733 this would probably apply to you aswell.

1 hour ago, Yimpa said:

I imagine even doing miscellaneous socialization practices from home can help as a start. For example, if you’re into fashion, calling your local boutique and asking about their latest clothing items and trends. Or calling a local bookstore or library for book recommendations if you’re into reading.

Wow. I'm moved by this. That you would go this far to overcome those blocks.

Edited July 19, 2023 by Salvijus

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, Salvijus said:

And if one is crazy enough, you can try dancing with another person. When one becomes comfortable dancing with different people unprepared, most if not all socializing problems get solved i believe. Bc dancing and socializing is not any different really. Same energy.

 

I will go to the club and dance by myself, because who is gonna stop me? 

[Salvijus]

44 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

I will go to the club and dance by myself, because who is gonna stop me? 

If you want i can share a deeply profound audio teaching on how to master communication tought by a certain enlightened master. If you’re into that.

[Yimpa]

Just now, Salvijus said:

If you want i can share a deeply profound audio teaching on how to master communication tought by a certain enlightened master. If you’re into that.

Share it on here if you can. I’m assuming it’s a YouTube video.