Upasana Journal

[caspex]

My Upasanas are mainly based around Bhakti, which is what I'll be talking about in this journal.

I am not here to argue whether the experiences and encounters generated by these practices is inside your head or there are actual beings contacting you. I think for these upasanas to work fast, it's important one is somewhat irrational, because Love is irrational. Bhakti is all about Love.

My Practice

Did my first upasana that lasted 40 days back in May. I practiced Bhakti towards Lord Hanumana. Read "Hanumana Chalisa" 7 times a day after lighting a diya, alongwith 108 times japa of "Rama", before and after the hanumana chalisa. Took around 30 minutes each day.

That changed a lot within me, and it really opened up my emotions, my heart chakra is getting more powerful as I do these upasanas, and so is my third eye chakra. I'll talk about this in a bit.

After gradually building up, I have started doing 100 Hanumana Chalisas with other mantras before and after the main upasana. Takes 3 hours if I am quick about it, 5 hours  if I am relaxed about it. I do it at night, 9 PM - 1/2 AM.

All of this is useless if you don't actually love the deity you are worshipping. If anyone reading this is seriously considering these practices, do not shy away from what you feel like is dogma. It's all based on faith. To truly appreciate the efficiency of these practices, you have to go balls deep into the religion. Don't be picking and choosing, do the practice as it is told. You have to really embody Spiral Dynamics Stage Blue, and that's important, because IT WORKS.

My Anahata(Heart) and Agya(Third Eye) Chakra have received MASSIVE activation due to these practices. I can't tell you how much pleasure I feel in these centers 24/7 now. And if I think of Lord Hanumana or Lord Rama, I lose all sense of my sensory experience. It's THAT good. 

If you have problem with your expressing your emotions it'll fix that. If you have problems controlling your emotions it'll fix that. These practices simply work and it's amazing.

My agya and anahata chakras are so active at all times that, if I let go of my control of them, tears will form instantly in my eyes, so much it'll cloud my vision. If I think of the deity I worship, I'll start crying. It feels like everything you do in life is just so you can have more time for Bhakti towards the deity you worship. You are not a slave to your deity, you do this willingly because nothing else feels as good. Not even sex, masturbation, food, exercise feel this good.

Goal

The goal of this journal is to promote interest regarding this amazing practice, and probably act as entertainment and motivation for those who do a similar practice. Motivation is really important at first, especially when you're devoting 3 - 8 hours every day just doing Japa.

Edited July 17, 2023 by Swarnim

[caspex]

15 May '23 + 16 May '23
It was about 18 - 19 years ago the last time this opportunity came. Two 'Shivratris' one after another. This was an amazing opportunity to supercharge your mantra japa. These two days are said to grant you energy worth 41 days or so worth of upasana. Basically, do as much as possible in these two days.

I found this out a day late, but I still did 108 'Malas' of "Om Rama Ramaya Namah" in the day that I had.
For those who don't know, a 'Mala' is a sort of necklace with 108 beads in it. It's a tool used for counting your japa without taking focus off whoever you are worshiping. So, 108 Malas would be 108*108 = 11664.

It took around 4 hours. Which I followed by a 3 hour japa of 100 Hanumana Chalisas.

Hanumana is said to be a Bhakt of Rama. The biggest Bhakt infact. So if you worship Hanumana, worshiping Rama goes hand in hand. Worshiping Rama separately, like I did for this Shivratri, works even better.

Benefits
The constant japa of "Om Rama Ramaya Namah" created a constant vibration in my chest, where the Anahata Chakra is supposed to be. Pair that up with the Bhakti/Love for Lord Rama I was generating, and you've got a recipe for Anahata Activation. 

The amount of activation and the amount of power generated was crazy. I can still feel it right now a day later. My heart chakra, which I couldn't even feel beforehand, now is so energized it feels as pressurized and activated as my Agya Chakra. Well, the Agya Chakra is a little more activated.

I have been feeling an intense pressure (in a good way) and pleasure since the Japa last night. This pleasure is situated in my forehead. It's concentrated between my eyebrows. Similar pressure and pleasure in my chest.

I feel so much happier every moment of my day, as compared to before. I feel more grounded in my body as well. I feel light. Even breathing is enjoyable.

[caspex]

17 May '23

Yesterday's upasana was much better than any previous ones. It felt so loving and relaxing for the first 1.5 hours due to the bhakti, but then my mind got too tired to be able to focus, and it became hard to do the rest 1.5 hours, but I did it anyways, and it felt amazing as usual.

Something new:
Yesterday night I cried to Hanumana because I was really anxious about today. I cannot reveal why but it's safe to say a bunch was on stake, or at least I believed so. I was super anxious and stressed out.

When I started doing the upasana and leaned into the devotion of Hanumana and Rama, this anxiety suddenly just got destroyed. I felt an overwhelming sense that it will be fine. I would not feel anxious even if I thought of today. It was as if the stress and anxiety was being forcefully destroyed, and there was this flooding of optimism and joy from the diya in front of me.

I felt very happy for the first 1.5 -2 hours or so when I was in bhakti. The rest 1 hour had cycles of anxiety and cycles of peace. By the time I ended my pooja, I felt accomplished and a trust/faith in the universe that it'll be fine.

How Today Went:
It went well, much smoother than I expected. In fact, what happened today ended up being BETTER than what I wanted to happen. I had another chore lined which would last about 3 hours today, but I found a shortcut and I did it in about 20 minutes.

What I Think:

I have realized that there are various forces within me. For the sake of simplicity, let's call the negative emotions as negativity, and positive emotions as positivity. Bhakti boosts your positivity as well as destroy the negativity. Whether there are entities out there feeding on your negativity, and negative environment, I don't want to debate.

I genuinely think there is some higher power at play as well, but let's observe for another year of this before I make any judgements.

 

[caspex]

Why do Bhakti towards a specific deity, when you can devote yourself fully to GOD, being in constant love and devotion towards reality/infinity itself? What is the need for a middle-man?


I was genuinely confused about this question. So I joined my hands, closed my eyes, and asked Shri Rama. I sat down and had this inner urge to suddenly speak. So I spoke, very loudly and with energy.
I am paraphrasing here, it was in Hindi anyways:
 

Quote

When you are devoted towards GOD you advance spiritually, but when you are devoted towards a deity, you advance not only spiritually but also materially. You receive help from the deity, and positive benefits in yourself and your lifestyle. All of the material well-being aids in further spiritual growth!

My Thoughts
This was unexpected. I didn't know what I was going to say, I was forming words one after another as I spoke.

I agree with this statement though. I would like to add the nuance that Bhakti itself can be a limitation, but that's only at very very advanced levels. For the masses and for a lot of people on this forum, Bhakti is perfect as it's an all in one solution including shadow work, integration, embodiment, spiritual development and possible material help from deity. Not to mention it's widely agreed that deep Bhakti leads to various Siddhis.

While Leo will argue this is all human bullshit, I'd say yes it is. But it's some of the most high quality bullshit you can involve yourself in. Until you let even Bhakti go.

For those not into Bhakti, do not dismiss this practice as simple Dogma. It's amazing.
Imagine you're doing spirituality manually, while it's automatic for someone doing Bhakti.

Edited July 18, 2023 by Swarnim

[caspex]

Battling a Negative Entity

Context:
Before starting this current Upasana practice, I had started seeing eyes in my visual field every time I closed my eyes. I wasn't imagining them, or at least wasn't trying to. I know that I lot of those eyes had been pulled from my memories.

Nonetheless, it was weird so many eyes. It never stopped, and got even more intense at night. Being mostly malevolent looking eyes, it was quite hard to ignore. I often got startled when closing my eyes to relax. Telling myself it's only temporary didn't slow it down.

In the midst of all of this, I often saw 3 opened eyes of Maa Kali, with the middle one being the third eye.

What Happened:
Started doing my current Upasana, and it stayed the same for the first day, but the second day on wards I started seeing full blown faces. Terrifying faces, mainly when I was doing my upasana. I kept getting distracted. So, on the third day's upasana, I decided to bite the bullet and treat this as something real.

Hanumana, being infamous for THE deity to go to deal with negative entities, is also the one I have been doing bhakti of. So I naturally asked for help during the chanting. It a was real battle trying to weaken that entity. It took 5 hours but by the time I was over, I felt like I greatly weakened it. I saw its face clear as day. White skin, circular eyes, and a wide grin. It often left, giving me peace but came back once again. Later on trying to mimic the face of Hanumana, it's face was still white as salt, and it still had a wide grin.

I had my eyes closed, but after finally connecting with Hanumana during the last batch of chalisas, I felt as if I grew 10 times my size, still inside my body. With such magnified strength, that entity didn't dare appear in my visual field again.

The next day I still saw eyes but I ignored it and did my Upasana as usual for the Shivratris. I have just noticed it today but I have stopped seeing eyes in the blackness altogether! It's all black again when I close my eyes!

But if I focus, I can sometimes see some pairs of eyes, but it's not always guaranteed. If these are actual entities, me focusing to see eyes is basically inviting them to look at me. Right now I see a pair of eyes of what I believe should be an Owl. It's two little eyes in the top right.

What I Think:
This is TRULY BIZARRE for me. I am torn between whether these are actual entities or my mind playing games with me. When it's happening, I am fully certain it's the prior, but otherwise when I am analyzing the situation like this, it seems it could just as easily be a mind game.

I mean, it did intensify when I gave it the benefit of the doubt and treated it as real. It even used eyes and faces I had already seen elsewhere on the internet. But the fact that it kept popping up at random in my visual field, even though I never gave it enough attention, really makes me think otherwise.

Either way, I am well now, and have this weird ability to see weird patterns, designs and all kinds of random things now when I close my eyes and focus.

Something I Learnt:
The face I saw, and even the eyes, were combo of scary faces I have seen on the internet over the years. I determined its source by the end of that upasana. It MAJORLY pulled from a meme I saw, which had a scary face in it. The meme is supposed to literally haunt you as it talked about how that entity is behind you at all times. Obviously this is not true, but once you imagine that situation to understand the text, coupled with that face, it LITERALLY does haunt you. Obviously I am a lot more sensitive, is why that picture really affected me, even though I initially shrugged it off and forgot about it.

What I have learnt is that horror content or any similar sort of media really occupies a space in your mind and come back to haunt you one day. I really would not recommend anyone to watch horror media anymore.

This is the most rational conclusion I can arrive at, and is what I subscribe to currently. BUT I still find it so weird why my imagination has suddenly EXPLODED.
I was NOWHERE close to this sensitive before. It's like I have multiple layers of imagination now. One layer which is the normal and the least real looking. Another layer which look as real as your average dream. And another layer, which has just developed today, that looks as real as a vivid dream.

Let me write about this in the next post.


I invite any person who might know what's going on to DM me about this experience to share any knowledge regarding this. I would appreciate such knowledge.
I would also appreciate a more scientific approach, from anyone concerned, on top of spiritual interpretations. Honestly, I am a bit concerned as well.

[caspex]

Connecting Self-Realization and Bhakti

Yesterday I decided to connect Self-Realization and Bhakti together.

The result was that I felt that I had lost the whole connection and power I had built up using Japa until now. This is where I realized something important.

I had been powering up that connection between ME and the DEITY. But when I lost the ME and entered the egoless state, the connection obviously vanished. What one needs to do is not love the deity in relation with the self. It's to love it selflessly! The self should be taken out the equation altogether. Simply dissolve in the bhakti of the deity. Make sure to do that through the Anahata Chakra, so it stays activated.

This way the Bhakti practice stays super peaceful, satisfactory and even joyful throughout. This will increase your Bhakti up a magnitude.

Modern Aids to Bhakti

The ancients did not have YouTube nor did they have edits. They had made songs and poems so that they could enjoy and increase their Bhakti towards their deity, but we don't have to limit ourselves to that anymore.

We have detailed paintings, youtube edits, AI and so many other capabilities that can help us in increasing our Bhakti towards the deity.

Some Examples:

 

 

 

Edited July 21, 2023 by Swarnim

[caspex]

Bhakti When Sick
 

Yesterday was tough, I had caught a cold and chanting made me inhale more air from my mouth making it a little worse. What was the worst was that I was so dizzy and sleepy that I kept forgetting the Chalisa mid-way and had to start over again. I managed to get through it somehow and apologized to Hanumana that I couldn't focus on the Bhakti today.

It's said that it's ok if you do not worship on a particular day if you are sick. Although it's great if you do and shows to the deity that you really love them.
What's also said that if you are so sick that you cannot sit upright, just chant laying down.
It might seem harsh but if you really love the deity you'd WANT to do the chanting in whatever way possible. For someone who is only doing this for the sake of material or other gains, and doesn't know how to actually love the deity, they'll find any excuse to off-put the chanting.

Basically, the extent to which you decided to go for the deity is the extent to which you'll receive benefits.

Material Benefits I May Have Received

Yesterday something big happened. I cannot disclose it on here but it's something my family had been trying to achieve for years. It went smoothly and honestly the past half a month has been going very smoothly. Whatever we intend to do gets done smoothly. Life feels much more frictionless.

These are all the material benefits that are said to be of Bhakti since the deity you worship starts helping you out. My mother also worships Hanumana, and she saw a dream that Hanumana entered our home and is guarding it.

Any dreams or visions related to the deity are seen as practical information in Bhakti. While one can argue the reason Hanumana was in her dream is because she has been chanting of him everyday, from the perspective of Bhakti a dream like that shows that Hanumana has started guarding our home in reality.

It's important that in these matters one can hold both the perspective simultaneously without leaning too much on one side. I am gonna do Bhakti for atleast another year before I make judgements on what is actually happening. What's important right now is that I do Bhakti as it is intended to be done.

[caspex]

Quality over Quantity

I find it important to update that I have dropped the number of chalisas that I do each day from 100 to 51. Meaning the whole pooja(the process of Japa and Bhakti) takes 2 - 2.5 hours instead of 3.5 hours now. I start at 9 PM and end it at around 11:30 PM.

The reason is that even though I am perfectly capable of doing 100 each day, I can only do proper Bhakti till half way through. This is because of my limited capability of being able to do Bhakti. This can be increased gradually which I didn't do.

It's better do 51 Chalisas with amazing Bhakti than 100 chalisas with mediocore Bhakti. It is said that performing Japa of even one chaupai (a set of two lines from the chalisa) with heart is better than performing Japa of the whole chalisa in a robotic way.

And that makes sense, Hanumana is not a robotic machine that you can get your work done with, he is an entity, an entity much more intelligent and powerful than yourself. He is said to roam the earth in a physical body as an immortal at the current moment. So you really have to be genuine and honest with yourself about how you view him. It all comes down to your love and faith in him.

But that's not to say Quantity plays no role at all. The amount you decide to do, and successfully do, also shows your dedication.

Visiting a Hanumana Temple for the First Time

I could see his statue from the doorway, 5 feet tall, garlanded and fully orange. It didn't feel like a normal lifeless statue to me, it felt as if it was actually looking at me. My senses had been alerted.

I went inside and bowed to him, placing my forehead on the ground. I could feel an intense energy radiating from the statue showering my head and my back. I am sure someone who is not a bhakt will not feel this as intensely if at all. That's all I did this time, I just wanted to witness the temple.

I realized something. It's important to visit temples and witness the real energy of these deities and not to stay holed up in your home. This is because what you do bhakti towards at home starts connecting with the energy from the temple. The energy you worship becomes more authentic.

And this temple wasn't even some big deal. It was just your usual Hanumana temple you'd find multiple of in every district. I can only imagine what the designated famous temples for Hanumana like Balaji Mehndipur would feel like.

It is said to visit Hanumana Temple every Tuesdays and Saturdays and this is what I have decided to do. For if I don't do this my Bhakti will not progress as fast.

What's Up with Statues?
A statue more than 6 inches tall has a ritual done to it known as "Prana Prathista" in which you infuse life force / prana within it. Every temple is expected to do this but not all of them do, and as a sensitive person you can clearly feel which statue has had Prana Prathista done to it.

The idea is that it will be infused with some energy connected to the deity, so when you do your pooja or connect your pooja to it, you have better connectivity to the real deity.

At home one is supposed to keep statues less than 6 inches tall because if you do keep a statue with Prana Prathista done do it then you have to treat your home like a temple because you have to think of the statue as the deity itself in your home.

The statues you worship at home are supposed to only represent or symbolize the deity and help you in bhakti towards it, but that doesn't mean the deity, once it has it's eyes on you, does not care what happens to the statue.

Out of bhakti I bough some clothes and other garments, a red cloth to sit on and some other necessary things for the statue I have at home. The cleaner and well-kept it is, the easier it is for you to do Bhakti towards the deity. You could also have a picture of the deity instead of a statue, which serves the same purpose.

Obviously whether an entity like the deity is all in your head or not has nothing to do with decorating your symbol of it at home. As for the temples, you can literally feel the intensity of energy if you have been doing Bhakti of the deity. It's very interesting and I will treat it all of it as real, because that's what's intended and expected in the practice of Bhakti.
 

[caspex]

Cycles of Optimism and Pessimism

As I have said earlier I do pooja/Bhakti at 9 PM. I feel so optimistic of my coming future and self after pooja however as I go to sleep and the next day comes, the effects of the pooja are slightly gone. By the time it's around 1-2 PM the next day, the effects are all gone, and I feel anxiety and negative towards what's happening. I do not believe it's due to a negative being attached to me, as I have checked using the Camphor Method. I'll explain that in a bit.

These negative feelings are logical and valid, so when I am in that state I am baffled at my previous self being so optimistic. By the time it's time to do pooja, I almost don't want to. But when I start doing pooja, I love it. I am optimistic again and couldn't remember why I was feeling so negative.
I have a few ideas as to why this is and I am sure it has to do with my lifestyle.

I need more energy and therefore I will be incorporating yoga and pranayama earlier in the day.

My chakras do not feel active anymore, and I think that's because I am not doing 100 chalisas a day like I was doing before. That's fine, because I had not taken a Sankalpa beforehand anyways.

What's a Sankalpa?

Sankalpa means "Determination" and it's something you do before you undertake a period of pooja. Let's say you want to commit to a period of 21 days doing 11 Hanumana Chalisas a day. So, you take some water in your right hand, say your intention "I, [name], will do 11 Hanumana Chalisas each day for 21 days starting today on [date]." and then drop the water on the ground and let it evaporate.

The reason you would do this is because the fruits of your pooja are actually transferred to you and not taken by any other entity. It's also said that Indra, the king of Gods, will get the fruits of your pooja if you don't take sankalpa beforehand. Anyways, it's like a promise to the deity that you will do something. You can then ask the deity for something, by stating the reason you are doing this period of pooja.

Once you take a sankalpa, you can't get up from the spot before you fulfill it, so in the previous example, you can't get up until you do 11 chalisas that day.

It need not be said during the Sankalpa because these rules are implicit, but deities have their rules attached to them if you want to successfully impress them. During a Hanumana Upasana Sankalpa period, you should not eat non-veg items, eggs, onions, garlic and drink alcohol. Those things are strictly off-limits and to the extent you decide to follow these rules decides the extent to which Hanumana is impressed by you. Like you can choose to eat onions and garlic and avoid everything else. There's another rule that you can do which is sleeping on the floor only. Where you lay down a mattress or something on the floor.

If you fail your sankalpa then you have to start over. The deity might even be angry at you depending on how you failed your sankalpa.

Kapoor Vidhi (The Camphor Method)

This method is used to check if you have any sort of negativity messing you up, giving you bad luck and all that. You just take a camphor square and hold it in your hand while you read 21 or moreso Hanumana Chalisas. You would just add this in your normal practice of bhakti, you don't have to change much.

If while reading the chalisas you start feeling a lot of discomfort or pain in your hand or forearms, or your hand starts getting super heavy, or it feels like the camphor is burning your hand, that means you have a negative entity attached to you.

How bad it gets shows how bad the influence is. For me it was simply a heavy hand and some pain in the forearm yesterday during the last few chalisas yesterday, and today it felt like it burned a little bit. So I do have negative influence but it wasn't very uncomfortable so I know it's not that bad. It's possible every person has atleast this amount of negative influence.

If you hold it too tight or are too paranoid you'll obviously feel uncomfortable so be relaxed about it. These feelings should happen on there own.

Once you are done with the chalisas, take that camphor bit and set it ablaze and let it melt away, then end your pooja normally. You do this once in the day and once in the night for however long the problem persists. I am doing this only at night because that's when I do pooja. That burning of the camphor is symbolized as Hanumana beating up that negativity.

Some More Things

This post is too long right now so I'll talk about this next time but I had a very shocking dream. I will not reveal a lot of the details as it is very personal but it really disturbed me.

I put on those clothes I bought on the statue of Hanumana I have at home and he honestly looks so cute but also intense. It has really helped me increase my bhakti and focus more though. I also put him over a red cloth. These are the standard practices to keep Hanumana Murti(Statue) at home.
You also have to use a mixture of orange vermilion powder and jasmine oil to put/color the statue periodically. It has a nice scent. This is why when you search "Hanumana Murti in Mandir" you'll see some orange statues of him.

I'll try to connect concepts I have learnt here on Actualized.org with Bhakti as I slowly get more experienced in it. As it stands now I am a lot more well-versed here than in Bhakti lol.

[caspex]

Insight: Purification

I was doing my daily pooja when I could suddenly see the various folds / patterns in my mind that were blockages to a naturally self-realized mind. They looked disgusting and it made me realize something. I need to purify all of this from my mind, not only that, but I need to purify my body, my speech and also my actions.

I thanked Hanumana for the insight and realized something else. I had asked Hanumana to become my Guru when I started. And I have been receiving relevant insights for my life every time I do the pooja, even on the days I feel the Bhakti didn't go that well. That's a connection I am willing to make.

These insights seem to be giving me directions as to what to do to become pure / capable enough to even become a disciple of Hanumana. It seems one needs to be at least stage Yellow with all of the previous stages FULLY integrated. Which also means you have an excellently well integrated shadow. In addition one would need to follow a particular way of living too.

Let me expand on this insight I got. This is not objective, it is subjective to my life and who I am.

 

Purification of the Body:

• Drink a lot of water. 8 glasses of water is nearly not enough as is recommended. It really depends on what you eat. The more junk, oil and processed shit you eat the more water you need. Water is a purification liquid. It will purify your body of a lot if you just drink enough of it. I don't know how much this is backed by science, but I this is what I have received.
• Don't have excess body fat. Around 20% should be ideal with some muscle and such.
• Diet should contain very less oil, should be completely vegetarian and avoid onion and garlic. (Reason being non-veg, onion and garlic increase sexual urges and can make you feel heavier). No alcohol as well.
• Goes without saying but no cigarettes or harmful drugs / substances.
• Cardio everyday. Should be more than you think you need. It's more important than any sort of strength training.
• Always wear clean clothes(avoid dark colors), smell good and have a clean body.
• Live in a clean and good-smelling environment.

Purification of the Mind:

• The blockages I saw that should completely be eliminated from ones mind were arrogance, fear, greed, lust, envy, gluttony and anger. Yes, I just realized I have listed down the seven deadly sins. Yes, I am shocked as well.
• These blockages in comparison to how pure your mind can be are absolutely disgusting. Having these plague your mind is like being covered in wounds festering and infected, with flies buzzing all around. It's like you are a dead rat with maggots eating you from the inside out. I am serious, this is how disgusting these blockages really are.
• Of course one should do the usual shadow work and other spiritual or psychological practices to integrate themselves out of these blockages, but here's a way to speed up the process, like adding grease to gears. Chant the name of Rama. It would only work though if you have a good idea of the character of Rama in the Ramayana and from other sources. The man is literally the ideal man. He is the perfect idol. Chanting his name would impart you with his qualities as you constantly think of his qualities and devote yourself to him. Some men would be insecure about submitting to another man, but the humbleness required to do so is exactly what will aid you to gain mastery over your mind and emotions. Besides, he is not just any man, he is literally the ideal male archetype. From what I have heard, chanting his name also works for females.
• Should also mix up with chanting 'Sita-Ram'. Sita is the name of his wife and you should see her as your mother. Appreciate her character as well and you'll see how pure the love between the two was. It'll melt your ego seeing their love. Which is what is supposed to happen every time you chant that.
• Make sure your love for Ram and Sita makes the chanting physically pleasurable otherwise you can't really continue chanting that. Treat it as a fun activity. It's better than using your phone on the toilet.
• When you take their names you should be aware you are taking the names of literal spiritual giants. If you don't already know then research into the four yugas according to Hinduism. They were towards the end of the second Yuga when almost everyone was naturally self-realized. Just imagine such a world, and then know that even among people of this yuga they were hailed as Gods.

Purification of Action and Speech:

• Don't lie and deceive.
• Don't speak ill of others.
• Don't steal and all the other bad shit.
• Do good deeds.
• Follow your Dharma. Dharma is a complex topic to explain and it doesn't always just mean following your duties. It also means following your purpose as a being incarnated onto this earth. Whether you are aware of this purpose or not is a different matter. I believe that's a problem exclusive to the last yuga which we are supposedly in right now.
• Obviously people can't follow these perfectly or their lives would fall apart or their environment doesn't allow them to follow these, therefore just follow to the extent you can.
• Why this matters: If you follow these rules from the position of love of the other (and not ego), such actions and speech will build up over time and you'll be imparted with this sense of power and good-will towards others that you cannot generate on your own. Your character and integrity becomes so strong that you become unbreakable and are able to achieve feats you could not before.

 

 

If it isn't already obvious I am having a Stage Blue Awakening, and that's important for the awakenings later on.

Reminding you once again that this is a subjective list specifically tailored to me. Some of this might not work for you.

Edited July 29, 2023 by Swarnim

[caspex]

Connecting Spiral Dynamics and Bhakti(Of Hanumana)

 

I'll do this multiple times as this thread marches forward with time. Reason being that I'll draw more connections as I keep doing Bhakti and it'd be a disservice to any reader to try cramp it all up into one post.
This post would not be systematic in drawing connections but rather would just consist of my thoughts and observations so far.
It'll focus on Bhakti of Hanumana as I don't have a lot of experience in the overall practice of Bhakti to draw meaningful connections.

 

It seems at first that all Bhakti of Hanumana (I'll refer to as simply 'Bhakti' from now on) does is give someone like a Stage Red Savage meaning and purpose in life to evolve to Stage Blue, like most other religious practices. However, while it does do that, it's so much more than that.

Hanumana not only wants you to integrate fully stage Blue by following his rules, he will also help you get your shit together and integrate Stage Orange quite smoothly. More than that, so far, I have gained amazing, and I mean AMAZING integration in Stage Green. Through devotion and love towards Hanumana and Rama, my capacity to love anything has increased a lot. I am a lot more gentle with people and a lot more understanding.

I have gained great understanding into selflessness and love. It's to be expected after all! When you consistently, consciously and unconditionally love anything for hours everyday, you'd expect your understanding of unconditional love to skyrocket.

From what I have understood so far through my research into Bhakti, it seems what Hanumana really wants for you before he teaches you anything spiritual, is to atleast reach Stage Yellow in a complete fashion. Meaning everything prior is already integrated.

It's quite evident because every advanced devotee seems to say that Hanumana loves it when you follow your Dharma(A combination of following your dreams/desires/life purpose and doing your duties/taking responsibility for your role in whichever holon you are a part of)

Being able to properly follow your Dharma easily indicates a well integrated Stage Blue, Orange AND Green person. If you ever have a hard time understanding Dharma, know that it is what a Stage Yellow Person completely integrated in the prior stages would act like. To know what that looks like, read Ramayana and Mahabharata.


Let's be honest however, it's more the practice of Bhakti itself doing its magic than Hanumana himself. Hanumana likely comes in much later(in matters of self-development) as you get better at his Bhakti. I think this is because the reason you'd see your flaws and the solution to them, is because Hanumana is just that perfect of an idol. Once you completely focus on him, it's easy to see your own shortcomings in comparison to him. He shows you what you could be, and through shame you better yourself bit by bit. Even if you are not ashamed, you cannot resist the pull of that goodness of being so filled with integrity. Simple Bhakti of Hanumana gives you a little taste of what it means to be with integrity, and you can't resist going towards that.

This, all on top of the unconditional love you are generating and receiving. This love quite literally PURIFIES your mind and your ego. You beat down your ego each day like hitting the gym but instead of lifting weights you are pulling bars made of love. This makes it even easier to make changes in yourself according to those adjustments you so see.

Hanumana and Rama give you a finish line and loving them is running towards it. If you do Bhakti properly each day, it's inevitable you'll almost completely integrate Tier 1 someday. It's INEVITABLE. But that doesn't guarantee an integration of Stage Yellow. That'll only happen if your intent is so.

Because here is where the supernatural aspect comes in. Hanumana is a deity. He is supposed to be a being outside of your head(let's not get solipsistic for now). He will help you materially if you are genuine about it. He will also bestow upon you Siddhis if you so work for them through Sadhanas. (From what I have heard) And you can leave it all at that. You don't have to go further than that.

But if you ask Hanumana, he's supposed to take you beyond, into Stage Yellow, Turquoise and beyond. I don't have any experience in this, but this is what I have heard.
 

Spiral Dynamics is not a perfect model and neither is my understanding of it or that of Bhakti for that matter. This is what I have gathered so far and it is rather half-baked, as are most things jotted down in a journal. So as is usual, employ your own logic and take what seems to work for you.

I can tell that these observations are full of holes but I am sure I'll realize and correct them as I go forward.

 

[caspex]

1 August ' 23

I have just come back from doing today's pooja. I started it as soon as I finished writing the last post, and man... every time I do pooja of Hanumana my ego gets a serious beating. I see how I bullshit myself, it's like nothing can be hidden from Hanumana. Even though I try not to hide anything from Hanumana, I do self-deceive, and it becomes apparent during the pooja.

As an ego, I am pathetic. I mean that I am such a pathetic being that I keep inflating myself. Everyday Hanumana beats up my ego and I build it right back the next day. What the fuck am I doing... 

I AM NOTHING COMPARED TO MY POTENTIAL. That's the main point I need to get through my head.

My mind, in actuality, is that of a child compared to what I believe it to be.

I love myself dearly, and I can't bear looking at myself like this. It's for this love that I must look at myself as who I really am.  It's for this love that I must stop being so petty, so stupid. 

Note to self: If you are feeling good, and become attached to it(not wanting it to end), you have built back ego.

Update

By the way, I took a Sankalpa around a week ago that I'll do 21 chalisas each day for 11 days. (Takes an hour twenty minutes each day)

It was my first proper Sankalpa so I was nervous that I might fail it if I make it too ambitious. You cannot fail a Sankalpa at any point otherwise everything you have done in the Sankalpa so far goes to waste and that's a big setback in your Bhakti.

This one will end on the 3rd of August and I plan to begin a new one the day after. This time it'd be 51 chalisas for 21 days(2 - 2.5 hours each day). I plan to eventually build up my capacity for Bhakti.

My goal is to do a 41 day Sankalpa where I do 100 Chalisas a day. (3.5 - 4 Hours per day). This one is supposed to grant some wish of yours, but it's also supposed to get harder as the days go on and you'll be faced with many dilemmas and tests. At least that'd what I have heard from others talking about it when they did it.

I plan to begin that one with the intent to gain some sort of Siddhi. Obviously it won't be one of the main 8, that's out of bounds for even a 41 day Sankalpa. However, you do have a chance to gain Hanumana Siddhi from it. Which is that Hanumana or one of his envoy beings(which are practically Hanumana himself) will stay with you at all times, protecting you and helping you out. In this fashion, you are also able to ask them to help someone else, or do exorcisms. You'd also be able to ask Hanumana to take you on Astral Trips. I mean it largely varies depending on what Hanumana allows for you.

Regardless, there is a possibility that if you ask Hanumana for some minor Siddhis like being able to see the future, read minds or other such powers, and Hanumana deems you fit, he'd actually give that to you.
And if I am able to gain such a Siddhi, I'll be able to prove once and for all that deities really do exist, and all the other good stuff that it implies! This is something I have been curious about since childhood.

Even if I don't get anything, I'll likely continue on Bhakti because it's not really about the Siddhis to begin with.

[caspex]

A Terrible Dream
I slept for maybe 2 hours right after waking up and talking to a few people in the morning. In those 2 hours I had a dream in which my parents (who don't live with me), and some fairly old woman with white hair tied back (felt as if she was some divine energy, at the time I thought it could have been Hanumana), were seen entering my home as I stood at the entrance.

I was happy to have my parents back at home, and apparently we were moving in a bunch of new items for the home such as furniture and such. It was being done by some worker men.
When entered, in one of the sections of the home I saw a woman, looked like in her later 20s and slim, standing behind a counter. (We have that counter at home.). Behind her on the wall were the days of the week and above each day was placed a statue of Hanumana, except for Friday on top of which was Krishna.

We were deciding where to place something I can't remember, on the days so to make them lucky in the coming future. I could remember my real life by the way. We all have a mental map at all times that maps out what you think will happen in the near future, for example you know it'll be your friend's birthday in 3 days and that's on your mind.
I had not forgotten that mental map of the future unlike my other dreams.

That's when one of my tooth became loose and I asked her what this could mean. (I was semi-aware this is a dream). She said it's a sign of death, your death. It's a bad sign. My mom was visibly worried and so was I. I asked for a solution and what to do. She said to simply to not think about it and wait till she visits me in real life. She said she'll have to drive, in real life, all the way to my place, and take me to Vrindavan (a holy place in India) for rituals and bathing. That's how I'd be able to escape this.

My father was in the kitchen at the time, when he came out the woman told something like "Your power is around 307.". My father visibly confused, said that his age is only around 50. As they kept talking I could feel my grip on the dream losing and I very, very smoothly transitioned from the dream to my sleeping body, at which point I opened my eyes.

Shocked, I searched up the meaning of having a loose teeth or breaking teeth in a dream according my culture, and low and behold, it means very bad luck. Some sort future attack, spiritual or material. It's suffice to say that I was very worried after that. Especially because I had a similar vivid dream a week ago where I shot and killed, in a very realistic way. In that dream I even saw my soul leave my body.
I don't have these kinds of dreams often so I am very spooked.

I believe this is somehow connected to the Bhakti practice I am doing. I contacted someone I know about this, a close friend of my family. She asked her Guru about this who is into deity worship big time. He told me to do a few things around the house, but overall said there is nothing to worry about. It's just that some deities are little angry at me. He gave a reason for why and a simple solution, which I can't disclose here since it's too personal.

Anyways, this made me really tensed and paranoid. I had already decided to do a 100 Hanuman Chalisas for today's pooja and promised Hanumana yesterday, so I followed through with the promise. In today's pooja I asked Hanumana to destroy any sort of trouble on me or my family is there is one, or if there any trouble headed our way.

What I Realized from Today's Pooja (3.5 Hours Long)

Today I changed my outlook on Hanumana from simply a guru to also a big brother. I also brought in a sense of independence within my Bhakti today. Result was that I was flooded with optimism with proper logic backing it. Hanumana has a soft heart, yet I kept imagining him as some stern guru.

I realized that I need to bring optimism and energy in my mindset. I am way too paranoid and irrational. It's like I have given up all sort of rationality and sense of individuality since I started Bhakti and that has let my inner fears gain more existence within me. It legit feels like I am going Insane.

What I need to do is to become more Sane. Bhakti is not about becoming irrational. That's surrendering the wrong way. You need to maintain a sense of individuality even if you connect no-self realization to Bhakti. Bhakti makes you more SANE. Atleast Bhakti of Hanumana does.
It makes you so SANE that others seem insane by comparison.

Bhakti is not about complete dependence on the deity. It's like any other relationship. You maintain a sense of individuality and independence yet you love them dearly and have great reverence.

My second realization was that doing 21 chalisas a day is wayyyy too weak. At least when it comes to personal and spiritual development. The whole process I described earlier connecting Spiral Dynamics with Bhakti of Hanumana will only really work when you do at least 51 - 100 chalisas a day. It imbues you with so much energy that you can't resist but destroy all the negativity within you.

I have heard that you need to build the capacity to be able to hold the power it generates doing so many chalisas a day, and I am all for it. Tomorrow I'll do 21 and that'll complete my 11 day sankalpa for doing minimum 21 chalisas a day. I am thinking of simply starting to do 100 a day again and take a sankalpa for 41 days. But I'll need to think on it before I make such a commitment.

But this dream has made me so paranoid, I might as well do it, because such a Sankalpa will easily curb the effects of such trouble. But I am worried, such massive Sankalpas invite tests and trouble to prevent completion.

It wouldn't be a problem if it was just about sitting 3.5 hours a day and reciting chalisas with love. You also have to abstain from Onion, Garlic, Non-Veg and Alcohol. You have to visit Hanumana Temple every Tuesday and Saturday as well. All while abstaining from masturbation and sexual thoughts.

I have already been doing all of this since I began Bhakti, but I can imagine myself fucking up during the 41 days.

[caspex]

Month Long Break

I decided to take a break for a few days which quickly turned into a month. It was only the beginning of last month when I continued. Due to MAJOR positive changes in my life situations I vastly changed my pooja routine and duration and have learned a lot more regarding upasana.

While I mentioned in my previous post that 21 chalisas are way too weak, it seems it is not so simple. Even doing one chalisa properly, mentally and sung with devotion is better than doing a 100 verbally with little devotion. In fact, when one sings the chalisa with devotion even once with the meaning in mind, it's more enjoyable than doing a 100. Enjoyment aside, if you strictly want spiritual growth, then increasing the length of your pooja and the number of chants is crucial. Let me explain to you what I mean.

My Current Practice

Currently I do 1 chalisa in the morning and 1 in the evening followed by an aarti(a song for the deity sung at the end of poojas). I sing the chalisa with instruments in hand to make it for more fun for the rest of my family members. It's 10 times more fun than doing a 100 like I used to. However, it's clearly not as spiritually effective. Sure, the enjoyment can reach levels of bliss and it heals you which can be deemed as spiritual progress. But for progress relating to unlocking of new energies within you and witnessing new mystical experiences, doing proper sadhanas and sankalpas which are difficult in nature is crucial.

I have taken a very easy sankalpa currently, which is that I'll fast every Tuesday for Hanumana for 21 Tuesdays. It should end on 13th of February next year. I cannot take any other sankalpas during this period. So I'll just be doing your basic 30 mins pooja twice everyday. Don't get me wrong, it's very enjoyable and makes life feel a lot more positive and generates favorable thoughts within my psyche. However, serious spiritual growth would only happen when I take up something like 40 chalisas a day or something more intense. Which I currently can't, due to my material life, however I'll make my best efforts to do so.

This journal will not be updated as frequently as it was before simply because the rate of developments has slowed because of the lighter poojas.

However, a good thing out of this light but long sankalpa would come out is that doing such sankalpas makes your relation favorable with the deity in question. So when you do indeed do difficult sankalpas, the results are that much more intense.

Types of Japa

There are three: Vachika, Upanshu and Mansik.

 

Vachika is when you chant verbally. Upanshu is when you move your lips and tongue but produce little to no sound. Mansik means mental chanting. Each is more effective than the last.
IMO one should not simply start chanting mentally but build up to it from Vachika. This is because if you chant mentally straight away, it may be harder to build up the practice and you may easily become demotivated.

Even though my poojas are not as intense anymore, I still occasionally perform 3 - 4 hour long poojas where I chant a 100 Hanuman Chalisas. I have recently reached the level of Upanshu. It came naturally to me after a month or two of verbal chanting. What occurred was simple, I detached from my voice as it automatically ran the chalisa as if some background music. I did not need to consciously recite the chalisa as my mouth was accustomed to the movements and remembered everything. It felt as if I was hearing someone else chant. Eventually my breath slowed down and my voice went lower until it was inaudible, however my lips and tongue kept moving. This is Upanshu japa reached naturally.

I sometimes perform single chalisas in my mind as a form of Mansik Japa and it's so more satisfactory and beautiful than even Upanshu as you think of the meaning of the chalisa in it's entirety and don't have space to think anything else. It's like watching a movie run before your eyes. I believe true Mansik Japa would be as if watching scenes unfold with the chanting in your mind describing these scenes, as you simply sit and witness the events of who you love (the deity).

While this side is very enjoyable and blissful, I still keep an eye out for how this can aid in spiritual growth of the sort relating to insights and energies.

[caspex]

A Quick Update

I am writing a short message here to give a quick update on where I am with my bhakti. I have not missed one day of pooja since, however, I have dropped it down quite low to just an hour a day. In fact, most of that hour actually goes to chanting for Goddess Saraswati as I have taken a Sankalpa to do her japa every day. I have had some cool experiences with that and I will share them soon when I find some time.

As for my bhakti of Hanumana Ji and Rama ji, it's going well. I will update on that soon. But it's simply not possible for me to do the same level of practice (3.5-5 Hours a day of Japa of a single mantra) due to my overwhelming syllabus. Not for at least two and half more years.

I actually plan on going full monk mode with my pooja after I am done with my academics in 2.5 to 3 years. I will be able to take up a hut in some mountain somewhere as my family does own some land for that. Fun fact, it's pretty close to the Himalayas.

I'll do that for a year or a little more. I plan on building myself properly until then so in addition, I meditate at least an hour a day. I am also working on integrating all the Yamas and Niyamas within me (from asthanga yoga) by the end of this year and get started on higher levels next year.

Just letting you know in case you do care about this journal. Honestly, I don't feel the need to write here anymore, but I think, just in case anyone who is into pooja or thinking of taking it up, should have something relatable to read.

Edited January 10 by Swarnim

[caspex]

Developing Discipline and Logic

I have not missed a single day of pooja since, I have been initiated into mantras of Goddess Laxmi and Saraswati while I continue with Hanumana Ji as my Guru/Istha. I don't see Rama as very different from Hanumana, they're both my istha.

I have grown and developed since then, but the development has been in sectors apart from pooja, taking time away from it.
I think I need this development in Blue and Orange, as I had delved into Green, Yellow and Turquoise way to early, leaving me with a massive Blue and Orange shadows.

This means I am giving 40 minutes at most to my practice, but I still haven't skipped a day. Looking at this thread, it really does feel like a slow decline until I stop doing Pooja altogether, but I don't think that'll happen. Stopping pooja is an entirely different thing than reducing it.

Due to the massive blue and orange shadows, that I am still integrating, it has been hard to follow through with my earlier promise of integrating the Yamas and Niyamas by the end of this year. I was going well till July but then it all went downhill from there, for various reasons.

My current plans are obviously to get back on track with instilling Yamas in me, because if I have realized anything this year, it's that formal spiritual practice requires a strong blue and orange foundation before you can even begin the journey. Don't be naiive like me.

Yogis leave material life and head to the himalayas, but they only get something out of that since they have already mastered blue and orange to a large degree, giving them discipline and logic.

This is also why gurus make you to do tons of manual work for a long time before they get serious with you, it's to develop your Blue, which is discipline, consistency and mental resilience. Debates are conducted and questions are asked to get your orange going.

My current plans are much more orange oriented for now. I'll continue the daily pooja though.

It has officially been more than a year of daily chanting of Hanumana Chalisa and beej mantra of Saraswati.

P.S. I am going to post here every few months, I can't do these posts regularly right now.