Checkpoint Charlie

[Kuba Powiertowski]

Time for a little summary here. Lately, I have been deeply exploring Rudolf Steiner's Gnostic Anthroposophy, but not only his. Also, the works of Goethe or Jakob Bohme made a great impression on me. They are imbued with the same spirit of exploration and searching for answers. Lately, German Romanticism and mysticism have been very contagious to me. Perhaps it is related to frequent climbing trips to Saxony, for which I feel a strong affirmation. I often return to it in my dreams and visit places that I know are there but in other dimensions. I have a strong impression of my spiritual connection with this magical place.
Yoga Nidra and Kundalini, as well as a lot of my own practice, contemplation, and observation, gave a lot of answers and opened new unwritten chapters. Where will this lead me - to another doom, or this time will I know the freedom of what I am for longer? The only honest answer is always the same: I don't know. Well, maybe one more: Unconditional Love exists. She makes everything. She allows everything, everything, to happen. I witnessed the cosmic diamond matrix soaking up the colors and scents of different worlds. There are countless of them. One becomes Many. The One experiences Itself as the Many. Duality, non-duality, what is real and what is not. Everything is real. Even your belief that you are all that, a god or a meaningless speck of dust in the wind. What you believe will happen, if only for a moment, for a cosmic fraction of a second - not bad, eh? So I ask myself, what does it mean to believe, really believe? The simplest questions turn out to be the hardest:
What am I? Who am I? Why am I here? Right here and now? And why is it so messy? And why is Miss Mess so uncomfortably cute?
Some light of answers has appeared in this tunnel of questions. Is this experience of being human on planet Earth really a punishment for sins, samsara - a circle of suffering, Maya - an illusion, a dream from which one has to wake up as if from some nightmare? Or maybe purgatory, a place where we purify ourselves from ignorance? Is that all it's about?
One night, I woke up in a place I knew well. Kind of like a monastery. I know everyone who lives there. I felt completely drained of energy, lying on the floor, barely breathing. My friends came to me and started to heal me. I got a clear message that I have a blocked solar chakra, and there is no connection between the energy of Spirit with the energy of Matter in me. For a moment, I regained this wonderful state where I was liberated from Matter. The extremely slow and dense Body Matter no longer had any power over me. I didn't want to go back to Matter, but I didn't have much to say. So here I am. After every night trip, and there are weeks when I travel every night and remember everything, the smallest details - I come back here. I started asking myself why? Among the many awakening Spirits, there is a desire to drift away from here and never come back. You often feel such a superiority of spiritual values over material ones, as if this real dimension was worse; it sucks. Sael, Lucifer, and a few others voiced their opposition to what they called: a smelly, muddy experiment. There's something up. Ever since I started to understand something as a kid, where I am, I immediately had this strong desire to run away. I saw people as generally weak and stupid. Ever since I was a kid, I've been totally obsessed with all material possessions. To this day, they have no value to me, and for most of my life, I simply despised them. Despite running his own business successfully for many years and earning quite decent money for the country where he came and live. I did not feel a special attraction towards the sexual aspect of human corporeality - despite a few relationships with women, which you would probably define close to 10. My wife and I do not have children. I knew from an early age that I didn't want them. Only now do I see that this profound negation of aspects of this human experience is at the root of all the mess I have almost constantly? I must also say that Steiner's diagnosis of man being torn apart by two very powerful tidal forces standing in opposition to each other - Luciferic (spiritual) and Ahrimanic (material) corresponds to what I experience here on Earth and what I observe. Anyway, both of these forces meet in each of us - in a sense, they create this human dimension. A dimension that hides an incredible potential that is released at the point of equilibrium. The state of flow, like surfing on big waves, like walking on a slackline over a precipice. A state in which all the potential energy that you are, you, and me is released. Who knows what will happen then? How, instead of using less than 1% of possibilities, mostly for nonsense, creating non-existent problems, and smelling a threat from everywhere, will we give ourselves whole, free, to the max? My intuition tells me that this is what this great cosmic adventure of being human is all about. What one man can do, everyone can. The question is whether we continue to accept this challenge we created for ourselves, or do we get the fuck out of here, and that's all we can afford? This smacks of special forces jargon, but that's kind of how I'm starting to see all the Spirits who have decided to take on this earthly challenge. It's not easy, it's mostly hard / fucking hard, but I also realize more and more that; actually, that's how I like it. The hard is what makes it great. More and more often, I think that in the end, we will succeed, that we will create something here that exceeds our imagination, and we will surprise ourselves once again. Maybe it's all just my delusions, my imagination. But fuck it. I smile more and more to myself and to others.

There's a Rangers slogan: Lead The Way; this is what I wish you all. Lead Your Own Way and Shine in the Dark