The Problem With Being Neurotic

[Andrew]

 

"A neurotic can neither enjoy his illusions nor give them up" 

Can anyone relate? a self confessed neurotic I awake everyday to the same old (excuse my french) bullshit circulating in my head on repeat the same way it always has for most of my life really , as long as I can remember anyway. The strange thing is as familiar as these patterns are that unconscious pull toward them, the allure , the sweet candy they promise and the sharp sting that they leave behind are just too god damn hard to say no to! 

For me this manifests in a particularly nasty vindictive pattern. I have a constant need to feel under threat like I could be verbally or emotionally attacked at any moment that someone will catch my defences down and make a fool of me or as I put it "get one over me". Each day it's the same the drama worthy of an oscar nomination that is the mental movie playing constantly on repeat staring me of course a hardened but likeable rascal of a man with a fierce tongue that can cut his most sworn enemy down with a single lashing of his most deadly weapon.. the spoken word ! the kind of ear bashing that would really see a fellow taken down a peg or two if you know what I mean ! honestly I make it sound like a 1950's black and white hollywood classic however this is the first post and I don't want to scare people off ! 

How it really plays itself out is usually someone I know , someone who has said something to me , someone who has really pissed me off approaches me with a smarmy look upon their face and that glint in their eye that says "I know a thing or two about you and I'm gonna make sure everyone else does" I usually give them just as much rope as they need to hang themselves before launching into a tirade of F&ck you you F&ckin pr*ck (Gasp Gasp ! Shock horror from all onlooking as I deliver my sermon) you're nothing but a F*ckin bottom feeding stuck up yuppie b&ll b&g why don't you F&ck off to where you came from ! (Cheers applause from the adoring crowd as my enemy walks off with an ego so bruised it will take years to come back from at least he wont be bothering me anytime soon ! then his supermodel girlfriend rides off into the sunset with me)  no more quickly than justice has been served do Ms Victoria's Secret and I arrive at the sold out Wembly Stadium , why on earth would you do that you ask? I've got a show to play !! Obviously ! 

In reality I HATE confronting situations and hide behind a constant false mask of civil politeness and don't really have the stones myself to use the calm down to earth common sense that it takes to have a conversation that don't for a second get me wrong is difficult definitely difficult , but the kind of conversation a grown man should be able to have with someone where he tells this person look I feel you're being disrespectful to me and I'd appreciate it if you would cut that shit out. 

So can you relate ? what are your neurotic tendencies or inner workings that try as you may you just can't seem to escape being sucked back into?

 

[mostly harmless]

Have you read Eckhart Tolle or seen some interview or his talks on youtube? That would be a recommendation.

When I am bothered what someone thinks of me, I like to think of something that Eben Pagan once said: 'What other people think of me is none of my business.'

Add to that: Whatever somebody thinks about you, it's not the truth, it's an opinion. And whatever idea anybody has about who someone is, it's always wrong –at least to some extent. Let's take a person who most people would agree is horrible. Even for that person, there's probably another person, who thinks he or she is good. 

Add that any blame or accusation is really meant as a punishment for wrongdoing. And this is both an inadequate way to relate to people, and it is inefficient in the way that it is not suited to make someone change their allegedly wrong behavior. Whatever someone (allegedly) did that was (allegedly) wrong, that person did the best they could in that situation based on their abilities and consciousness. That means that you cannot blame anyone for anything, really. Laws still have to be enforced and I wouldn't propose to let others take advantage of you being too understanding. But blaming is just primitive.

So what would that mean if someone would blame you for something? That means, that you are not to blame. You did the best you could, and maybe your best is worthy of criticism, and maybe it's worth investing energy into doing better next time, but an attack to make you feel bad just for the sake of making you feel bad is, again, primitive. So bringing a behavior problem to someone's attention, that's fine if it is aimed at improvement. If it is meant to hurt someone, then it is in itself bad behavior. 

You see where I am going with this? If somebody attacks you, calls you names, that person has a problem. Not you. If you in deed do behave in a way that is to the disadvantage of others, then there are civilized ways to prevent that, make you aware, make you change. I admit there are situations where someone is unfair to others for example, when it is hard not to attack that person verbally. Still I am convinced that lashing out on someone is poor behavior in itself and it decreases the chances of changing the problem.

 

Aside from these thoughts, I think it would help you tremendously if you could disidentify with the person who you think you are. You are not that person. You are not the person someone else thinks you are. You are not any person at all. Your life could become a lot less stressful. 

[SLICKHAWK]

The bullshit is nothing. You are no more than what youve become when waking up. Yawn im up..focus on now. Not whats on line or who text you. Just wake.

Shower shit shave jerk off. Spend time on you every morning before you engage in shit/drama/FB/family or anything just wake up and love yourself. Start with that.

P.s. i love you

[dorg]

I suggest more meditation to quieten the mind.