A Violinist That Can't Perform.

[Saba]

Hi everyone,

I've been playing violin for 16 years. I used to be able to perform on stage as a child and pre-teen, but somewhere along the line, I've become so neurotic and anxious just in daily life. Now, each performance throws me into a panic attack, and ends up as a disaster.

I just performed today -- and as embarrassing as it was to be a shaky mess, I decided to keep going, because I love violin and I won't let fear or anxiety cut it out of my life. 

But it's getting very frustrating. I cut out coffee, I meditate daily, I even drink a natural sedative tea with melatonin + valerian beforehand!  

I just don't know what to do. I'm at my wits end. I don't want to take meds for something chronic like this. I just want to be as confident as the other students who get up and play with expression and character. Why am I so full of neuroses? 

I don't seem to have control over my physiological response to performing. I'm also pretty anxious in my daily life, and meditation hasn't really helped me in that sense, either. I've been meditating daily for ~1.5 yrs. 

Anyone know how I can tackle this frustrating issue? 

[Colin]

@Saba something that I have heard about for performance anxiety, but haven't used myself, is EMDR. Might be worth looking into.

I think you can apply it yourself. If you research it online you may run into some information that cautions against using it yourself. But it is literally just moving your eyes back and forth and imprinting new emotions and beliefs (affirmation/positive cognitions)

It is a legit therapy.

Good luck! I wish you the best!

[Colin]

@Saba This is literally all you need. No need to spend money on a therapist unless you are in a very very serious situation (or you just want to) 

(turn off audio)

 

Edited March 22, 2017 by Colin
better video, better image

[mitch311]

Hey I don't know if I can help but I'll chip in with my 2 cents.  I play guitar and whenever I use to record, I'd get major performance anxiety.  One reason is because when I would try to record, I'd try to perform my absolutely best.  In a sense I tried way too hard and it threw me off.  What I do now, is I try to play to my average.  Paradoxically by putting in less effort, I relax this way and perform/create music much better.   

The first time I performed solo guitar when I was at high school, I can relate to feeling shaky.  That was nerve racking! 

When I play live in a band nowadays though, I don't really get any anxiety.  I tend to not care about what I look like and just play.  I put my focus into listening intently and the sensations in my body.  I'm so focused on the music and letting it come through and resonate in my body that I don't really have any room for thoughts.  I focus on things like getting my timing locked in as tight as I can with the drums, I focus on having the smallest nuances in the melody come out how I want them, I focus on the energy and feel i want to create.

Perhaps learning to play with this kind of focus when you are practicing and then migrating the same level of concentration/feel to your live playing?  Perhaps visualise 100s of people watching you while you're practicing and just being so absorbed in what you're doing that there's no room to care that they're there.  Also even just visualizing things going really well might help.  Also realise if you're really absorbed in it, you're naturally going to look like a good performer

[jse]

@Saba , do you have similar panic attacks when you play the violin by yourself?

If your answer is "No", then the solution to this performance anxiety is to find a way to push the audience out of your mind - it's just you and your violin on that stage.

[Martin123]

@Saba Hey Saba, thank you for sharing.
Anxiety and panic are tricky emotions because they are secondary. Secondary in a sense that there is a deeper cause going on behind them. The important part is to sort out through the anxiety to be able to "cut to the chase". There you shall find different feelings, often times in the likes of sorrow and despair.
Anxiety, as a secondary emotion, appears out of self-abandonment. The way back to wholeness is through self-love. So go for it. I encourage you to make self-love and self-acceptance your number one priority for now! <3.
There are different ways to self-love, in fact there are as many ways as there are people. So I highly encourage researching different self-love techniques and experiment with it!
However (Shameless selflpug lol) also highly recommend reading a guide I Recently posted here on emotional healing. There is a segment on self-love.
In essence, what you seem to need to do, is to reclaim your inner child, reconnect with it. How, that is up to you, here are some suggestions.

Good luck, much love! :-)

Edited March 22, 2017 by Martin123

[ajasatya]

@Saba this will happen until you decide to stop comparing yourself to others and craving for external approval.

enjoy yourself. read carefully. enjoy yourself.

[h inandout]

I can perfrom for little children.  They actually want to make music with me, and chime in when I read a story.  I started having fewer problems in life when I realized how all people are children.  

[CreativeInertia]

One method which is super effective for emotional issues is the Sedona Method. This method is about managing negative emotions by 'releasing' them/ 'letting them go'

It literally revolutionized my life. I have less anxiety, anger, annoyance etc. 

I would really encourage you to buy their book, it's super valuable!

As a disclaimer: I am not affiliated with this company in any way, the only reason I recommended it is because it worked for me

[Colin]

@CreativeInertia

35 minutes ago, CreativeInertia said:

One method which is super effective for emotional issues is the Sedona Method. This method is about managing negative emotions by 'releasing' them/ 'letting them go'

It literally revolutionized my life. I have less anxiety, anger, annoyance etc. 

I would really encourage you to buy their book, it's super valuable!

As a disclaimer: I am not affiliated with this company in any way, the only reason I recommended it is because it worked for me

This is the sedona method.

I love the idea of it, but how were you able to integrate it into your life?

[CreativeInertia]

@Colin currently I am in the process of reading the book, but I already started applying the method.

Whenever I recognize any negative emotion/ resistance to doing something/physical suffering/boredom/apathy etc., I go through the 5 questions:

1. what is my NOW feeling? 2. could I allow myself to feel it? could I allow myself to let go? would I let go? when?
I go through this process multiple times. With each question I answer I feel better and better, and I repeat the process multiple times.

A lot of times after I release the emotion I start smiling because of the feeling of relief.

What I noticed is that this process not only works for alleviating the current emotions, but also the future emotional reactions in similar situations.

I use it many times a day, and I feel it improved my quality of life dramatically

I would suggest reading the book though, because it goes really in depth, with lots of explanations, inspiring examples, exercises.. Also from I I have read so far it goes much deeper, and you can use it to create even more life transforming inner changes 

 

[Colin]

30 minutes ago, CreativeInertia said:

@Colin currently I am in the process of reading the book, but I already started applying the method.

Whenever I recognize any negative emotion/ resistance to doing something/physical suffering/boredom/apathy etc., I go through the 5 questions:

1. what is my NOW feeling? 2. could I allow myself to feel it? could I allow myself to let go? would I let go? when?
I go through this process multiple times. With each question I answer I feel better and better, and I repeat the process multiple times.

A lot of times after I release the emotion I start smiling because of the feeling of relief.

What I noticed is that this process not only works for alleviating the current emotions, but also the future emotional reactions in similar situations.

I use it many times a day, and I feel it improved my quality of life dramatically

I would suggest reading the book though, because it goes really in depth, with lots of explanations, inspiring examples, exercises.. Also from I I have read so far it goes much deeper, and you can use it to create even more life transforming inner changes 

 

@CreativeInertia Do you answer the questions honestly, or do you feel like you have to say the "right" answers? Thanks for the insights.

[CreativeInertia]

@Colin  I answer honestly. Sometimes I answer "no", as in - I don't allow myself to let go, or I don't allow myself to feel this emotion.

According to the book it doesn't really matter if you answer yes/no/maybe. in my experience even if I answer "no" it still produces the effect of letting go bit by bit. After a few cycles of questions about the emotion/feeling/resistance you will eventually let go enough that you can start answering "yes"

[Colin]

1 hour ago, CreativeInertia said:

I answer honestly. Sometimes I answer "no", as in - I don't allow myself to let go, or I don't allow myself to feel this emotion.

According to the book it doesn't really matter if you answer yes/no/maybe. in my experience even if I answer "no" it still produces the effect of letting go bit by bit. After a few cycles of questions about the emotion/feeling/resistance you will eventually let go enough that you can start answering "yes"

@CreativeInertia Thanks I love this community feedback. I read the book years ago and was fascinated by it, but felt clumsy applying it. I really just needed someone to bounce ideas off of. I'll give it a go again soon. And In the context of Leo's "Awareness alone is curative" video it makes sense that even if you answer "no, no, never" if you pay attention to that fact that this is what your mind thinks, that awareness is enough to correct the unwanted thought behavior over time. Thanks again.

Edited March 22, 2017 by Colin

[CreativeInertia]

@Colin glad it helped

[art]

Dear Saba, as a performing musician at a very high level I would recommend:

Short-term:

-Dr Bach rescue spray (help immediatly control your nerves) 

-Grounding exercises:

(Check out Peter Ralstons Zen Body Being on being grounded)

-Breathing exercises:

Wim hof-method

Mindset:

-Kenny Werner guided meditations (from the book effortless mastery)

Long-term:

-HoloSync, it really works