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[Sabth]

I'm seriously considering suicide now. 

My life had turns meaningless. My life had been put to a stop. I couldn't even have last december and have my last year of being twenty six. I couldn't experience Christmas last year and celebrate the new year like literally everyone else. My life was put to a stop. Without my will. 

I want to die peacefully. There's nothings much left in my life. 

[Sabth]

I still think that it was a mistake that my parents doesn't send my brother to normal school

[Schizophonia]

There are no really crippling issues here, your only problem is you want to be right.
It paralyzes you because you put yourself in action to face how much you have """wasted time""" and done nothing with your life, that you have no companion, no activity ... It's basically the same as not going to the doctor "in case he finds something", if you see the logic.
The good news is that basically only the future and even more present time matters.

[Sugarcoat]

The past can be a teacher. The future a mystery. You only have this moment guaranteed, which can be full of opportunities. But it doesn’t seem like that when you don’t trust yourself and your own abilities. So you feel bound to repeat the past instead of change from it, thus the future seems predetermined based on the past. And the present moment has nothing for you. But that doesn’t have to be true absolutely. You might not have anything but at least  you have yourself and this very moment. Sure you can wallow in sad hopelessness if you want. And sometimes it’s not a choice it just sweeps over us. But you can also bring yourself together and do something about it, whatever that would be only you can know. Or completely allow this sad story to play itself out and the negative emotions to shower over you and you might find peace in surrendering to it . Or both . 

Edited July 14, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Sabth]

After they put me to the hospital (last december) dragging me my life is over. 

After about a month, when I came back home many of my things went missing. Including my phone. 

[Sabth]

I may want to live in my own place because there was a thief in the house.  .