What’s your relationship with your face?

[PurpleTree]

Do you love your face?

I have a weird relationship with my face, i already knew it but it showed me clearer on a trip.

There’s a part of me which doesn’t accept nor love my face really. Another part of me loves it.

I even get compliments, some hot girls really stare at me. And turn their heads. A girl once stopped and told me how attractive i am. 

What exactly is the issue i think ( it’s hard to know because it’s so old and ingrained) i look great from certain angles or when passing by. But my fear is ( i guess) that if people look at me for a longer time, they’ll see all my flaws and dislike me. Also i think my head it too big for my body.

On the trip i got the urge to stare at me in th mirror untill i love myself which i did but i haven’t let go of it.

it’s really hard to do anything if you don’t love your face fully. Like dating, interviews i have a big fear of zoom calls with many people or taking pictures with people which  i look bad in and which will stay on the internet.

it’s the control freak (ego) i guess which want to control peoples perception of me. Sometimes i try to get a good picture of me which can take a 100 tries.

today i was walking on the street in the busy center while looking at people and asking myself. What about my face don’t i love/accept. 

What about my face keeps me unfree/constricted?

i’m 38 and have a younger looking face, i think with the right beard i look good, without it i look childish. People sometimes called me milkface when i was young. Because i have a rather soft pale face.

 

Thoughts on how best to get over that?

Edited July 12, 2023 by PurpleTree

[PurpleTree]

When i was 8 or 9 my lovely grandma died so i was already sad and vulnerable. So this huge kid at school smelled my weakness and started bullying me everyday. I even got suicidal-ish at that age. coming from a broken ish single parent household no siblings, i had nobody who could help me. At some point (months or years layer) i snapped and beat this bully up and then he left me. But other stuff happened. The school was pretty tough imo. Many kids got bullied, even some teachers got bullied. I think i often associated getting disrespected, or getting bad stuff happen to me with my face.

and also i never really talked about these things and just kept everything for me because i was  also ashamed. I got some health issues from swallowing everything like stomach issues even today.

[PurpleTree]

Questions i asked myself today and then tried to feel into them.

what is it about my face that doesn’t deserve to be loved?

What about my face in this moment isn‘t ok?

what about my face keeps me unfree/constricted?

what about my face isn’t good enough? And it‘s just a though

Also tried to chat with my inner child a bit.

[Princess Arabia]

15 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

Questions i asked myself today and then tried to feel into them.

what is it about my face that doesn’t deserve to be loved?

What about my face in this moment isn‘t ok?

what about my face keeps me unfree/constricted?

what about my face isn’t good enough? And it‘s just a though

Also tried to chat with my inner child a bit.

Have you ever seen your face without a mirror. Why are you assuming that others do. Maybe the others' is your face.

[PurpleTree]

7 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Have you ever seen your face without a mirror. Why are you assuming that others do. Maybe the others' is your face.

Yes on a picture 

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, PurpleTree said:

Yes on a picture 

That picture is imaginary

[PurpleTree]

Also i‘m asking myself 

what if i‘m not special?

because i think some of my issues stem from thinking i‘m soo special. Especially good/especially bad, especially ugly/especially beautiful etc.

Growing up with a single mom, no siblings. And then standing out with a few things. Like being the only lefthanded kid in class. Being the kid who can draw best. Some people telling me sometimes i‘m special or different or not like the others etc. made me feel oh sooo special ?☺️

 

what if i‘m not special, what if my face is not special, what if my story isn’t special, what if my path isn’t special.

[PurpleTree]

4 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

That picture is imaginary

But my imaginary fake smile in that illusionary picture wasn‘t pretty ?

[Princess Arabia]

2 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

But my imaginary fake smile in that illusionary picture wasn‘t pretty ?

You're imagining it being not pretty. If you imagine you're pretty then you'll become pretty.

[PurpleTree]

32 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

You're imagining it being not pretty. If you imagine you're pretty then you'll become pretty.

I go back and forth on thinking i’m great or horrible looking. Often i think i look good but then someone stares at moi which triggers some ptsd like shame response which is very strong in the body.

Edited July 12, 2023 by PurpleTree

[Sugarcoat]

This might just be one of my many wild theories but I feel one part of this can be if you’re the type of person that is very “in their head” it can be that you aren’t deeply grounded with your awareness in your body so too much awareness in head /face area not sure tho . 

Edited July 13, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[something_else]

I relate to this a lot.

Get a really good haircut, done by a stylist who knows what will look good with your face. Get your beard trimmed/styled professionally, if you have one. Clear up your skin if it's not already. Learn your angles for taking great pictures. Learn how to smile for photos in a way that looks natural.

A lot of this stuff helped me appreciate my face a lot more.

Edited July 13, 2023 by something_else

[PurpleTree]

On 13.7.2023 at 11:06 AM, something_else said:

I relate to this a lot.

Get a really good haircut, done by a stylist who knows what will look good with your face. Get your beard trimmed/styled professionally, if you have one. Clear up your skin if it's not already. Learn your angles for taking great pictures. Learn how to smile for photos in a way that looks natural.

A lot of this stuff helped me appreciate my face a lot more.

Yea although those are similar things i do already. From which angle do i look better etc. But i want to let go of that and feel free 

[Schizophonia]

I like my face, overall.

[Princess Arabia]

2 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

I like my face, overall.

I like it too. But don't tell anybody.

[PurpleTree]

5 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

I like it too. But don't tell anybody.

Why don‘t you like my face? Am i really that ugly? It‘s bad i know. Noooo don‘t look at me ?

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

Why don‘t you like my face? Am i really that ugly? It‘s bad i know. Noooo don‘t look at me ?

Show you face then 

[PurpleTree]

7 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Show you face then 

 

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, PurpleTree said:

 

 love

I love it

[PurpleTree]

11 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

I love it

Thanks. Yours is great too