i'm a scientist and ...

[WonderSeeker]

I read Leo's recent blog posts about science/spirituality.

They're hilarious! ...But also seriously on point, and they've inspired this rant that I'm about to go on about my development as a scientist and self-ac.

This will be about how I got into science, my epic fails with attracting girls, and my militant atheism that slowly evolved to spirituality. 

My writing style is chaotic, bouncing left and right, so bare with it. I'm curious if there are any other scientists in the house who share a similar story. Go!

                    

So, where do I begin ? When I was about 12 I'd reached my peak of social stifled-ness and self-pity. I got bullied at school every day and I hid it all from my family; I was so embarrassed about it I didn't even want to reach out for help, lol. I couldn't talk to girls for shit and anything sexual terrified the living shit out of me (even though of course I secretly longed for intimacy with a girl). I'd spend about an hour a day watching Neil Degrasse Tyson and using his talking points to debate religious people over atheism on Facebook. All of this was all around the same exact time I was introduced to my love-passion to this day: geology. I knew this was what I had to devote a large portion of my life to, as I had the insight that "Holy shit, this is the first time I've ever been enthusiastic about something ever!" 

So I have something I'm passionate about now. But... (fuck!) having a passion outside of people doesn't kill aloneness. Ya still gotta mingle. So, why did I struggle to make connections? On the surface it was obvious: I played video games all the time, all my friends were also virgins, and I secluded myself in my bedroom trying to meet girls on Omegle. Oh dear, how those early days make me cringe immensely. Ah, but whatever, it's the truth.

I spent 6 years at college studying geology, honestly loving it. I loved getting straight A's in something I believed in. I loved hiking mountains with seasoned professors and doing research. (Side note: I was lucky to have green profs; I've met orange ones and they are everything that's wrong with science. But we'll get to that shortly.) In the middle of those 6-years at uni, I was starting to have second thoughts about the legitimacy of science, all before I'd even found Actualized.org. Getting into weed and psychedelics was a solid catalyst in the process of deconstructing science: no other student in my classes that I knew was taking them to understand something. I could now see that science doesn't know everything. (Duh! How in the fuck could it explain the experience of psychedelics?!). I began to have a total change of heart about what I was doing.

In my senior year I began dating this actually decently attractive girl (I really have no idea how she came barreling in!). But that sexual bond with another human finally gave me the confidence to investigate reality further. So I did. 

Right before the start of COVID I began meditating every day. After just 10 days of practice I began having an ego back-lash that would break my notions of science down further. I remember to this day sitting in a climate change class and being like "fuck, how do I even justify being here? I love studying this shit, but I can see the systemic epistemic problems now, clear as day." So I began reading lots of books to gain additional perspectives. And... I moved towns for grad school and broke up with my girl. I did it because I had my first inklings of getting into cold-approach seduction; new girls abound! But since it was COVID, I remained this bedroom-cave monk, meditating daily for 14 months straight before switching to binaural beats for a while. Oh and also I was taking psychedelics once every couple months and having more and more ridiculous trips.

In spite of seeing through science, I chose to get into grad school, mostly for a free ride to Mongolia, where my field work would be. As COVID ended, I tried and failed at a lot of chances of getting with girls, because I was afraid of asking and I kept hiding my sexuality. So I decided enough was fucking enough and began cold-approaching. Didn't do much of it at first, but enough to build a foundation. Had a wing here and there, but no results. I was still alone. But whatever, the point was I kept moving and self-actualizing, discovering new aspects of self and life.

This year I am 25 years old. Last year I flew to Mongolia and had the summer of my dreams, camping in the steppe and sedeucing incredible Mongol women back in the capital city.  I just attended an Owen Cook bootcamp and now approach regularly. I moved from northeast to southwest USA and showed up with barely anything in my pocket. I work in Alaska on and off in a geotechnical job at a mine. The job I'm working at is full of people who are stuck in their heads and I'm not immune to that, as it rubs off on me. In my first week I was told multiple times to tone myself down by higher ups. Some of the younger men I work with are married or have girlfriends, but it's obvious they don't have any amazing social skills and are settling in some form. Nothing wrong with that, but it's funny how this is almost always the case. 

On another note, I've written half a book and recently barfed-up a big MS OneNote philosophy about geoscience and how the field would benefit from a deeper investigation into epistemics, big-picture thinking, and consciousness, blah blah blah. It's super cool to me, but I think I need to excommunicate myself from the field before I can open up about it, whitsle-blower style. Here's the true dilemma I face and why I might just leave: under the conditions I'm currently in, I am (1) working with people who are sexually beige, and socially meh unless they drink a couple beers (yep, geology has a big beer-drinking culture, look it up), (2) I want to talk about personal development, psychedelics, spirituality, but there's zero room for that and I can literally feel myself wanting to talk about it, but then stuffing it down on the regular.

Of course, I can't leave this job right away as I'm still recovering from being a broke-ass grad student. Things are gonna take time to evolve. The way things are now as I see it, living in a big city environment for the first time has exposed me to just how materialistic people can be. But somewhere in there also lies the social elites who at least know how to connect with the opposite sex. And therein lies the crux to the personal development problem: how to do work with the right people AND be socially attractive, yet detached, AND pursue a deep spiritual awakening / God-realization process all in one? It's a beautiful problem I'm working on, and I think the linchpin is changing how I make money to survive.

Being self-employed and financially-independent are big steps, and really where everything might spring forth. I'm trying to see if I can learn copywriting / ghostwriting. Or something that will also set me up for releasing content when the time comes to break free. But for now we stand here.

                    

Where are my scientist peeps at? 

Edited July 9, 2023 by WonderSeeker

[Leo Gura]

Nice story, thanks for sharing. Don't worry, you're in a good place for only 25. You got plenty of time to make those needed adjustments to your career and lifestyle. Don't try to do everything at once. Spend a few years getting your career in order. Spend a few years doing pickup. Spend a few years on your health and fitness. And spend a few years on spirituality and awakening. Then 10 years from now it will all come together in a beautiful way for you.

Yes, developing financial independence is a huge foundational step that enables everything else. So give yourself a few years to work on that. Be patient. It will be worth the investment.

Edited July 9, 2023 by Leo Gura

[MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI]

Good work. Just don't backslide.

[WonderSeeker]

@Leo Gura For now I will stake my development mostly on pickup and travel. Then grade into a more refined career and so on. Many thanks for the encouragement.

[MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI]

^All acts have money as their basis.

[Cocolove]

35 minutes ago, WonderSeeker said:

@Leo Gura For now I will stake my development mostly on pickup and travel. Then grade into a more refined career and so on. Many thanks for the encouragement.

Like a spiral, every time you come back to a new side of development you'll be more evolved and ready to make the next step. I finally got a decent job and now im finishing my multi-year psychedelic break.

[WonderSeeker]

2 hours ago, MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI said:

Good work. Just don't backslide.

^^ I'll slide forward instead.

@Cocolove sounds epic. hope those were non-gmo mushrooms

[Rishabh R]

@WonderSeeker Great story. By the way I am also trying to become a scientist, a biotechnologist right now I am in college studying biotechnology engineering. Also like understanding science also requires a questioning mind.

[Epikur]

Get a bit of fuck you money the rest can be self improvement coasting. The only reason we have so many points on our todo list is FOMO. 

We get born and we die. Everything in between should not be taken too serious. It is not  really real.

[WonderSeeker]

12 hours ago, Rishabh R said:

@WonderSeeker Great story. By the way I am also trying to become a scientist, a biotechnologist right now I am in college studying biotechnology engineering. Also like understanding science also requires a questioning mind.

^ right on! do your science but also notice the limits of academia and how your field has an effect (pos/neg) on different aspects of your life. then develop some original perspective on the matter (how the social system can be improved, what your field overlooks, new syntheses, etc.). that's basically what I've done. 

@Epikur ya that's somewhat the idea for the next few years. my field is cool because companies fly you to their mines all over the world, so I intend to work in Australia by late 2024 and visit southeast Asian countries to do more seduction, exploring, etc. 

[Epikur]

48 minutes ago, WonderSeeker said:

^ right on! do your science but also notice the limits of academia and how your field has an effect (pos/neg) on different aspects of your life. then develop some original perspective on the matter (how the social system can be improved, what your field overlooks, new syntheses, etc.). that's basically what I've done. 

@Epikur ya that's somewhat the idea for the next few years. my field is cool because companies fly you to their mines all over the world, so I intend to work in Australia by late 2024 and visit southeast Asian countries to do more seduction, exploring, etc. 

Sounds good. I imagined that I would have liked to be a scientist but I am only a fanboy now. If had more brain and money I would have done Astronomy. 

Btw:
 

 

[MuadDib]

Is it just me, or was everyone sick in 8th grade when the teacher explained that science has a 400 year history of being wrong about everything?

It never ceases to amaze me how seriously people take this shit.

[itsadistraction]

I moved from a Stage Red/Blue office to a stage green/yellow office and it's totally different and better. Perhaps there are better work environments within your field also. 

Edited July 10, 2023 by itsadistraction

[SeaMonster]

"Green science professors" are a self-contradiction.  The foundational premise of Green is deconstruction of all grand conceptual systems, including science/scientific method.  You can be Green or you can be a scientist.

Green in STEM is how you get shit like "decolonizing mathematics" i.e. left-wing fringe kook ideas.

[WonderSeeker]

@SeaMonster green transcends and includes orange. no contradiction if the green person still wants to do science. what chages is they are more open-minded, take on a systems-approach, and want to collaborate with people of different demographics (diversity/inclusion stuff). there are religious people who are above blue. likewise there are scientists who are green and beyond. they're just rarer. and they question/self-doubt more because they know they are assuming a lot and have self-bias. i worked with these people, so I'm speaking from experience. have you?

[Leo Gura]

On 7/11/2023 at 10:49 PM, SeaMonster said:

You can be Green or you can be a scientist.

This is false.

Many scientists are university professors and their whole culture is Green. Scientists are most likely to be somewhere between Orange and Yellow, with many squarely at Green.

Green is a wide and nuanced stage. The problem here is that by consuming too much social media you've turned Green into a cartoon caricature and vastly oversimplified and demonized it.

If your idea is that all Green people are queer purple-haired communist trans lunatics then you badly misunderstand Green. There are millions of sensible, low-key, reasonable, hard working, apolitical Green people.

Edited July 15, 2023 by Leo Gura

[CARDOZZO]

@WonderSeeker 

What’s up! ?

Computer Scientist here.

I’m thinking about doing a Microelectronics/IC Design MSc.

About girls, I think we should just accept ourselves (embrace our weirdness) and just double down on what we love, expressing our passions as something beautiful. (Geology, Electronics, Coding, AI, Robotics, Science Fiction).

When you truly embrace yourself and accept how Alien you are, people’s frame begin to shake.

Add humor, magnetic presence and charisma to your own “weirdness”.

You’ll perform miracles.

When I say to girls that I code/love science they are just surprised…

“What are you doing here in the club?” kind of vibe ?

But in the end you’re just in the flow expressing yourself.

Owen, Max and David DeAngelo - They are basically nerds/introverts and look at them, resourceful, magnetic and competent guys related to seduction/woman.

They are an inspiration for us weirds ?

Edited July 15, 2023 by CARDOZZO

[WonderSeeker]

@CARDOZZO

i can tell you're a comp sci by the way you touch your forehead 

yes speaking your truth is important, but usually when im at the club i inject more emotion into it and front the best parts about my nerddom. creates good narratives!

yeah Owen is great, went out with him in Miami this year and it was psycho. also love Zan Perrion although he doesn't market himself on YT much so people don't know about him

have you heard of the alabaster girl?

[CARDOZZO]

@WonderSeeker I don't know about the alabaster girl.

But I’ll read it for sure ?

[CARDOZZO]

@WonderSeeker Thanks for recommending Zan!

I'm watching this:

He's great!!