Why is niceness such a turn off

[gettoefl]

20 hours ago, StarStruck said:

These are my latest insights on the topic. Being nice is such a buzz word. 

Being nice is being socially calibrated. It about being depolarizing.
 

The cost of being too nice is that you sacrifice too much of your authenticity. Or in other words sacrificing authenticity to be depolarizing. 

In social skills you need

• 80% authenticity (polarizing)
• 20% social calibration, being nice (depolarizing) 

With nice guys it is the other way around.  They calibrate too much. There are also guys who suck both at social calibration and authenticity but that is a different topic.

If you are a regular non autistic nice guy you need to learn to let go f the fear to be disliked and be polarizing. It is better to have good friends and good enemies than having no friends and no enemies. 

nice one lol

when you enter a room, it doesn't matter how you feel it only matters how they feel

#nice is being n-eutral and i-ndifferent and c-alibrating and e-mpathic

enough to stay in control and work it to get what you want

you play nice you dont play fair which is what the fool does

save authentic for people who know you well

the opposite of nice is brash

namely someone who thinks they are god's gift to the world

and enters the room intent on convincing everyone thusly

this isn't nice and few want such a person in their lives

 

Edited September 30, 2023 by gettoefl

[Princess Arabia]

4 hours ago, RawJudah said:

I swear, the more you focus on getting good with women the worse it gets, you constantly focus on getting good with women and you forget about the rest of your life. This is why you do all this when you’re young and dumb.

Because you're fighting with the mirror. Focusing on getting good with women means you're saying you're not good with women. Focus on yourself and improving yourself and life will mirror that back to you. Don't focus on the outside because that's a reflection of the inside. What you focus on you get more of, so your mirror is showing you "GETTING" there and not actually arriving there. You're going to stay in a place of getting there and it will always be a struggle. 

Edited September 30, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[SeaMonster]

4 hours ago, RawJudah said:

It sucks because to actually get good with girls you have to become a complete asshole in order to get good with them. 

This isn't actually true.

You don't need to become a COMPLETE ASSHOLE.  You just need to be an "asshole" when it's called for/appropriate.

Nice guys sometimes see the world in black and white; you have to travel the Middle Way, like Buddha.

[RawJudah]

4 minutes ago, SeaMonster said:

This isn't actually true.

You don't need to become a COMPLETE ASSHOLE.  You just need to be an "asshole" when it's called for/appropriate.

Nice guys sometimes see the world in black and white; you have to travel the Middle Way, like Buddha.

Don’t ya think it’s funny how most men never need to learn this stuff? Most men never need to learn PUA techniques or all that shit

[SeaMonster]

20 minutes ago, RawJudah said:

Don’t ya think it’s funny how most men never need to learn this stuff? Most men never need to learn PUA techniques or all that shit

One of the weakest aspects of Pick-Up for me (and I followed the development of the entire movement, from the early 2000s on) is that they never really focused on Inner Game.

They always talked a good game about Inner Game, but any coverage of it was always ridiculously insufficient and superficial.

But to me, Inner Game is about 90% of game.

[RawJudah]

1 minute ago, SeaMonster said:

One of the weakest aspects of Pick-Up for me (and I followed the development of the entire movement, from the early 2000s on) is that they never really focused on Inner Game.

They always talked a good game about Inner Game, but any coverage of it was always ridiculously insufficient and superficial.

But to me, Inner Game is about 90% of game.

100% agree. 
 

It’s like, if you feel good about yourself and your life and you love life every single day then that is SO attractive. If I was a woman I would find that attractive. 
 

Why do 4670073 approaches in the street if you can master inner Game and love your life?

[SeaMonster]

6 minutes ago, RawJudah said:

Why do 4670073 approaches in the street if you can master inner Game and love your life?

Yeah, it's kinda ass-backwards.  If you have serious flaws in your "Inner Game" (which is really another way of saying self-worth or self-esteem or being grounded, etc.) then that is going to trip you up no matter how many approaches you do; that is going to be your limiting factor at all stages of meeting/being with women.

And guess what -- if we examine the historical record, that is what guys like even Mystery were prone to.

Edited September 30, 2023 by SeaMonster

[StarStruck]

Simple way to stop being a nice guy is to stop pinging her. This will solve most of the problem. 

[RawJudah]

4 minutes ago, SeaMonster said:

Yeah, it's kinda ass-backwards.  If you have serious flaws in your "Inner Game" (which is really another way of saying self-worth or self-esteem or being grounded, etc.) then that is going to trip you up no matter how many approaches you do; that is going to be your limiting factor at all stages of meeting/being with women.

And guess what -- if we examine the historical record, that is what guys like even Mystery were prone to.

I do understand that approaching is important, it clearly puts hairs on your chest. It takes balls to do it.

Yeah you’re right about Mystery and all the other top PUA teachers, they either had a shit childhood or some other serious issue underneath. I used to like Tom Torero and he was getting laid like a rockstar - only to then commit suicide a few years ago. This just tells me that even if you are banging hundreds of chicks it doesn’t mean you’re mentally sound.

[SeaMonster]

1 minute ago, RawJudah said:

I do understand that approaching is important, it clearly puts hairs on your chest. It takes balls to do it.

Yeah, certainly it's part of the game and you have to at least have the courage to do it.

1 minute ago, RawJudah said:

Yeah you’re right about Mystery and all the other top PUA teachers, they either had a shit childhood or some other serious issue underneath. I used to like Tom Torero and he was getting laid like a rockstar - only to then commit suicide a few years ago. This just tells me that even if you are banging hundreds of chicks it doesn’t mean you’re mentally sound.

Honestly, some parts of Mystery Method never sat right with me -- I found them gratuitious.

E.g. the storytelling DHVs sometimes seemed more like trying to get attention/narcissistic supply in the way that HE did it, and also the peacocking was just way over the top for the same reason.

They weren't essential implementations of game, it was just his personal pathology, I think, and were rightly mocked by the wider culture.

Like, it can all be much more subtle, you never needed to turn yourself into a cartoon character.

[Schizophonia]

As a man, you must see yourself as something that gives energy, including negative energy.
Making a woman laugh is very attractive because you fill her up.
Even being aggressive, at least particularly dominant, is attractive because you still have yourself an energetic “polarizer.”

[Yimpa]

20 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Because brains beat muscles.

That’s how Rocky Balboa was able to take a million bombs to the head by a Soviet tank and still come out on top 

[Schizophonia]

“A happy woman is a fulfilled woman” - Alain Soral.

[RawJudah]

16 minutes ago, SeaMonster said:

Yeah, certainly it's part of the game and you have to at least have the courage to do it.

Honestly, some parts of Mystery Method never sat right with me -- I found them gratuitious.

E.g. the storytelling DHVs sometimes seemed more like trying to get attention/narcissistic supply in the way that HE did it, and also the peacocking was just way over the top for the same reason.

They weren't essential implementations of game, it was just his personal pathology, I think, and were rightly mocked by the wider culture.

Like, it can all be much more subtle, you never needed to turn yourself into a cartoon character.

Yep, most guys aren’t gonna be wearing a top hat and wear a fur coat. It might gain attention from people, but it makes you look a bit silly.

[Butters]

3 minutes ago, RawJudah said:

Yep, most guys aren’t gonna be wearing a top hat and wear a fur coat. It might gain attention from people, but it makes you look a bit silly.

1 hour ago, Raze said:

Not necessarily, you can be high status in reality but behave low status and vice versa. 

I'm not most guys. I've already shared with you guys my naked woman shirt and I'm currently wearing a shirt with smurfette as a stripper with her legs open and a star over her crotch. 

I'm currently also designing a Billie Eilish ugly Christmas sweater. 

[RawJudah]

@Butters how old are you dude?

[Butters]

1 hour ago, RawJudah said:

@Butters how old are you dude?

I'm 34

[SeaMonster]

3 hours ago, Butters said:

I'm not most guys. I've already shared with you guys my naked woman shirt and I'm currently wearing a shirt with smurfette as a stripper with her legs open and a star over her crotch. 

I'm currently also designing a Billie Eilish ugly Christmas sweater. 

If you're building an identity as a unique t-shirt designer that's fine -- we're just saying it's not an essential part of game to go to cartoon character lengths.  If one does do that, you have to question the attention-seeking.