Why is niceness such a turn off

[Juan]

@Princess Arabia You like star wars??

40 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

anything but an ASSHOLE.

By asshole I was referring to be also aggressive when needed, if the guy or girl has to come up to defend a situation, fight maybe with your neighbor for whatev reason, your rights, I find it inhuman being always nice 24/7 and not get mad by something. 

[Federico del pueblo]

3 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Well said.

Thank you!

(Oh damn...now I look like a nice guy because I'm being nice ?)

[Juan]

27 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

(Oh damn...now I look like a nice guy because I'm being nice ?)

This is your chance bro! 

[Federico del pueblo]

1 hour ago, Juan said:

This is your chance bro! 

Thanks for providing me with this opportunity. I'd be lost without you

[Yimpa]

I just had an argument with my dad. Instead of being nice about it and pretending that everything was ok (like we have been for the past 20 years),  we are finally going to start family therapy together. I found a therapist who works with folks who are neurodiverse, since I have autism and my dad probably has it too. It’s important to work with someone who understands your specific needs and situation.

I actually brought up the idea of family therapy months ago and already made contact with this therapist, but my dad has been consistently avoiding it and saying he’s not ready for it. Today, however, the back of the donkey has finally been broken completely. This is not a sign of impending tragedy… this is a sign of hope and renewal!

This is how long-term change is done. Stop beating around the bush. Do what you know is right, even if it’s uncomfortable and uncertain as hell for everyone involved. After all, it’s easier to live in a hellish fantasy than to take back your life with hard work and radical openness.

[StarStruck]

@Yimpa nice to hear that bro. What made you change?

[Yimpa]

6 hours ago, StarStruck said:

nice to hear that bro. What made you change?

All of this spiritual and personal development work of course! Being more honest and connected to Truth. It’s beyond logic… I wish I could give a 1-2-3 formula, but it doesn’t really work like that. 

Mr. Leo did post an insight today, which ties in beautifully:

https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-047

 

[Leo Gura]

8 hours ago, Yimpa said:

I just had an argument with my dad. Instead of being nice about it and pretending that everything was ok (like we have been for the past 20 years),  we are finally going to start family therapy together. I found a therapist who works with folks who are neurodiverse, since I have autism and my dad probably has it too. It’s important to work with someone who understands your specific needs and situation.

I actually brought up the idea of family therapy months ago and already made contact with this therapist, but my dad has been consistently avoiding it and saying he’s not ready for it. Today, however, the back of the donkey has finally been broken completely. This is not a sign of impending tragedy… this is a sign of hope and renewal!

This is how long-term change is done. Stop beating around the bush. Do what you know is right, even if it’s uncomfortable and uncertain as hell for everyone involved. After all, it’s easier to live in a hellish fantasy than to take back your life with hard work and radical openness.

Good work!

Edited July 12, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Hardkill]

On 7/9/2023 at 9:15 PM, Leo Gura said:

Because nice people cannot get shit done. Being too nice is a disease.

When lives are at stake there is no room for nice.

What all humans are attracted to is powerful leadership. Because that how humans survive. Weak leaders get you killed.

So then why isn't having a muscular physique and combat skills enough to become socially successful with people and get laid with any kind of woman you want?

Edited July 12, 2023 by Hardkill

[Arthogaan]

1 hour ago, Hardkill said:

So then why isn't having a muscular physique and combat skills enough to become socially successful with people and get laid with any kind of woman you want?

1. Because muscular physique and combat skills has nothing to do with being a true leader.
2. And even if it would no any particular feature is enough on it's own.

[StarStruck]

3 hours ago, Arthogaan said:

1. Because muscular physique and combat skills has nothing to do with being a true leader.
2. And even if it would no any particular feature is enough on it's own.

Nowadays you don’t need to be an actual warrior to survive but if you are a warrior type a lot of people want to be associated with a powerful person. In survival it is better to have a weapon than to not have it but nowadays there are more valuable traits than warrior traits. Being sociable and high vibe is much more valuable than anything. 

Edited July 12, 2023 by StarStruck

[integral]

Im nice to everyone in real life, it makes no sense being unlikable.

I have no idea what you mean by nice is unattractive.

I think the issue is your not taking any risk.

Be nice and take risk at the same time. 

Edited July 12, 2023 by integral

[StarStruck]

@integral there is nice and there is nice. Which one are you?

[Schizophonia]

To be nice =/= to be pushed around.
And not everyone can be perfect.

[Joyboy]

I love being kind instead of being nice

Nice is for weak people

Gentle requires strength

[integral]

4 hours ago, StarStruck said:

@integral there is nice and there is nice. Which one are you?

?I make them feel like im on there side, understand them, agree with them but show them what i really think at the same time. 

[Roy]

10 hours ago, Hardkill said:

So then why isn't having a muscular physique and combat skills enough to become socially successful with people and get laid with any kind of woman you want?

It's no guarantee to be socially successful, or get ANY woman you want. But you will get enough results from those things to be content that's for sure.

I've never met or seen a jacked dude that is even in the ballpark of being an incel.

[gettoefl]

nice is using society's playbook to interact, hey good to see you have a great day k

you win no enemies you win no friends

you may well be promoted you may well be president you may well be psychopathic

in fact nice is a social skill everyone needs and uses

problem is when you only know to be nice

this would be the unlived life

[StarStruck]

9 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

nice is using society's playbook to interact, hey good to see you have a great day k

you win no enemies you win no friends

you may well be promoted you may well be president you may well be psychopathic

in fact nice is a social skill everyone needs and uses

problem is when you only know to be nice

this would be the unlived life

Wow. I never looked at it from that way. 

Nice = being socially calibrated 

But calibration should be done on truth and authenticity, and not on fear to not fit in or to get something. 

Edited July 12, 2023 by StarStruck

[Butters]

I still find this topic absolutely fascinating and I have some new insights. 

Being overly invested in an interaction or nice shows you may have empathy problems or you're just very weak. If someone doesn't want to communicate on that level, an empathetic person will instantly adjust to the other person's level of comfort. A true leader communicates that way, with empathy and calibration. 

Having a strong frame like that allows you to instantly adjust to social situations if needed. 

I addition to that, when you seem a little too happy this person is giving you their time and attention it's creepy. That's the frame the girl should be in, not the guy. 

In a survival environment you wouldn't be nice to anyone you don't know unless you're trying to manipulate. If you're friendly and nice to guys in prison you'll get fucked. 

I almost got fucked last week by a guy who looked like a psychopath ex con at my fighting gym because I talked to him under the shower and he thought it was me flirting with him or something. Thankfully I'm a self actualized motehrfuxker with a very strong frame but most guys would have gotten scared right there. I guess the lesson for me is also to keep my boxers on in the gyms shower and not talk to dudes in the shower but I was just being nice and spontaneous. 

In a survival environment niceness is weak, and showing signs of weakness is probably the most unattractive thing in the world to a woman. 

Also when dudes talk to each other it should just be a real conversation about stuff with mutual respect. I've had dudes talk to me being overly smiling and it makes me super uncomfortable. It's completely unnecessary behavior and is always because of fear, no exception. 

Also niceness has nothing to do with flirting. Imagine you're a girl and you're just nice to a guy who is nice back and all of a sudden he wants to fuck you. Eww!