A Little Bit Confused

[Ryan_047]

So..In the past few months I have been depressed and highly anxious.But,since I started to meditate daily my depression lifted up,and now I'm anxious about my future or I'm being negative only when I'm really tired(don't really know why).Other than that,my life is going pretty well(I mean..mediocre).My grades are improving,I'm not that anxious anymore when I'm called on in class,and I am socializing better.

The point is..Even though I'm not depressed anymore,life still not seems that exciting.When I try to improve myself trough learning programming or socializing(these are the things that I know I should be doing more) I often ask myself..Why am I doing this?And then I realize that I don't have a solid reason for doing them.I mean..I like programming,but I don't see myself doing that for the rest of my life,at least now.And socializing..I do that because I think it will keep me far from depression,and it also raises my spirit when I am down..As you can see,it is about me..Just to summarize..I don't really have much motivation or solid reasons for doing something.

Now I think that having a purpose would change my life drastically (in a positive way).I would finally wake up in the morning excited,because it is a new day and I might do amazing stuff,or have fun with friends..But the thing is I can't find it.You might say, "well buy Leo's course"..For reasons not worth mentioning I can't,but there is a way I could gather money and buy it...

The thing is...I don't have motivation to  put in the effort to do so.I don't have motivation/solid reasons for improving my life,get a girlfriend,socialize more,study harder,etc..And I don't know why.There is something missing..

When I was a kid,I liked waking up in the morning,and I was enjoying my day..(when I was going to school,but I remember times when I was a kid when life seemed very dull)..

Anyways...My question is the following:How can I get motivated to improve my life?How can I wake up in the morning excited,even though I don't have a purpose yet?How can I add more zest to my life?

Remember when I said I could gather money and buy Leo's course?Well,it would be a good step in the right direction,but that doesn't seems exciting..The idea of finding my purpose doesn't seems exciting to me,and I do not know why.

And one more last point..You might ask how I managed to force myself to break out of depression if I still don't have a sense of direction/purpose?I didn't did it for me,I did it for my parents..I was having suicidal thoughts and I realized if I was one day to commit suicide one day,my family would suffer a lot..And I didn't wanted that..(please, don't telle things like "well,find your purpose and improve yourself for your parents if that was a good reason for stop being depressed"..This still doesn't seems motivating to me).

 

 

[Loreena]

Have you tried adding a good dose of humor to your life....

They say laughter is the best medicine 

Why aren't you laughing right now ??

 

Sounds silly right 

Try it...try laughing at anything and everything... 

Maybe it could work, who knows.

And if it doesn't work, no worries...

Keep trying other things, one day you'll stumble upon something really magical that will turn your mornings shining bright like a golden toast. 

Edited March 21, 2017 by Loreena

[Nahm]

Have you already ruled the usual suspects of depression out?

What you're eating. (Sugar & it's cycle of withdrawal is depression.) (Are you getting enough protein, magnesium, potassium, B & B12?)

What about carbs & gluten?

Overeating?

Are you sleeping enough?

What do you listen to for priming your mood in the morning? Anything?

I had depression a long time ago.  In Japan, they don't have depression & psychotherapy generally speaking, they have weight laws and nutritionist counselors. Just a thought. Hope something helps. The hardest part of depression & anxiety, imo, is that is is one or more of these things, but we think it's not. 

[Flare]

First of all: I do have to say I really appreciate your post. I was pretty much in the same situation and sometimes I fall back in this vibration nowadays.

5 hours ago, Ryan_047 said:

When I was a kid,I liked waking up in the morning,and I was enjoying my day..(when I was going to school,but I remember times when I was a kid when life seemed very dull)..

I think thats where your problem lies. You doesn't seem to love yourself. Let me get this clear: it's a difference between loving yourself and beating depression. Beating depression might get you on the level of indifference and homeostasis your in right know, but you won't take the leap beyond that. 

There are 2 major ways (and many more) to meet that kind of situation. Change the environment, that can throw up your thoughts and force yourself to redirect yourself and by doing so you might break out of homeostasis, even if it's going down in the first place you eventually just take a step back to run even faster forward. 

Second: Try to fall in love with the situation (I know it sound abstract) you are in right know. That's the more difficult yet less risky attempt. Start loving yourself - you gonna be like a little kid again. As a kid most of the time you don't ask what you get out of things, you just enjoy them and most importantly you enjoy yourself until that point where you get corrupted by society at large. Everything you wanna do just gets more and more exciting. Try to find that little kid in you. Try to love what is still left of it and most importantly, maybe consider asking it for help. 

It doesn't matter what you change, just enter the fire. You will get past your situation in any way. 

Last but not least: maybe ask yourself what has driven you to write this post? Seemingly you still got some motivation going. Even if it should be just for the sake of getting our attention on this topic. 

Best wishes