I Could Really Use Some Helpful Input..ptsd

[LRyan]

I would really like to hear some opinions on dealing with a traumatic childhood where there was alcohol abuse, emotional and physical abuse at times and neglect re: no emotional support from parents.

So I have been on this journey to find spiritual enlightenment and I have been doing well, not focusing on any negative thought patterns and trying to stay in the present and I really feel that it's what I need and want and to be happy, I just need to choose it.  I'm creating my own life, no one else.  I'm choosing to be on this path to awareness and happiness.  My dilemma is that I have a psychologist who now wants to start digging into my difficult childhood.  He wants to do exposure therapy where I stare at pictures of my family for 30 minutes because he feels that I won't be able to look at pictures of my mom for fear from my childhood.  I talk to my mom every day and take her out at least 2 - 3 times per week and we have a pretty good relationship.  My mother came from an abusive family herself and I know that she didn't have the tools to be a mother but she married a man who drank and cheated on her.  She also stood by while he physically punished us frequently.

Here is my issue, in my thinking mind I believe I picked the mother I needed to learn the lessons I wanted to learn on this journey.  Looking at this from a state of awareness, I don't feel it necessary to go back and bring up things that are over and settled.  Yes my childhood shaped the trajectory of my life which has been a series of painful life experiences but I don't see how someone seeking spiritual awakening can go digging in the past.  I have already been digging into my work PTSD in the past 1.5 years and I don't believe any therapy helped me at all.  I actually was responsible myself for my healing because I turned to a spiritual solution.

Can anyone please give their opinion.  Yes I realize no one is a Dr. and I don't want anyone to think that what they say is going to have a medical impact on my life.....but there is no one I can talk to about what I am going through except the people on here who will understand my issue with Psychology practices today.  They just want to do exposure therapy and feel that by looking at pictures of what bother you, all of sudden a miracle happens and you are fixed!

Please give any input...

Thanks,

Lisa

[ajasatya]

@LRyan this is what i did...

abstractly speaking: i cut the umbilical cord by myself and threw my past in the trash can

practically speaking: i got a job, left my parents house and started a rigorous zen practice. right now, i'm on my way to become a zen master, an yoga teacher and to raise my own family on the grounds of Love.

[LRyan]

 

Good for you for cutting that cord that just ends up strangling us anyway!  I'm glad you are on a much better and healthier course.  Thanks for the insight!

 

Edited March 21, 2017 by LRyan

[Martin123]

@LRyan

 

[Shin]

For what's it's worth,

I love you

 

Edited March 25, 2017 by Shin

[Zenrik]

@LRyan

It can actually be pretty good to deal with past trauma. Just dont get stuck there. I dont se any reason why you cant practice meditation ect and get therapy. 

On 21.3.2017 at 2:11 PM, LRyan said:

Here is my issue, in my thinking mind I believe I picked the mother I needed to learn the lessons I wanted to learn on this journey. 

You did not deserve in any way what has happend to you earlier. Your familiy is 100% responsible for the trauma that they put you through. This is critical. You can forgive them and keep growing, but you sould not tell yourself that you some how was ment to be abused or that you needed it. Recognize peoples capasity for evil (and good), and keep yourself at a healthy distance. 

 

Keep talking to you therapist, and do your own research at the same time. Is my take

 

[LRyan]

@Shin I love you!   Thank you!

[LRyan]

@Zenrik thanks for the input!!  I don't have any need anymore to discuss anything from the past.  It just doesn't matter to me anymore, I've realized that what I really am can never be touched by any experience, I just believe I am not this idea of who others think or say I am.  I know myself now and I have let go of that stuff...