A Sensitive Man

[gleb]

I'm a pretty sensitive dude. I'm afraid this will affect my long term relationships with women since I have trouble managing strong emotions moment by moment.

EX. I deal with alot of work stress, am moving across the country in 2 weeks and trying to maintain a relationship with a high quality girl. It sucks, I'm struggling to maintain a cool, stable internal environment. I had a very stressful point yesterday and shared it with her. I asked her to lay down with me so I could decompress and we started talking about our long distance situation. Eventually, we both started to cry about it with each other.

I feel like I've made a terrible mistake though. I feel castrated and weak that I let her see this struggling side of myself. 

How can I improve or reframe my reality here? Any anecdotes and experience that might help here? 

[meta_male]

1 hour ago, gleb said:

I feel like I've made a terrible mistake though. I feel castrated and weak that I let her see this struggling side of myself. 

You didn't. Own up to it and move on, you're a human being after all.

[NoSelfSelf]

@gleb You are programmed with a virus that believes that she holds key to your happiness,to your worth as a man,if she leaves it means you are not good enough so you walk on eggshells so she doesnt leave you.What a bunch of bs,you manipulating so you fit into what you think you need to be for her as a man.Man doesnt act like that.He doesnt care if she leaves or not,he is fully himself why? because it pleases him not her and he if focused on her more than yourself then you are not in position to give her value but to live in reality that you need to be something for her,please her so you can get validated because you dont see that you are more important than any of women you can come across why? Because you are the value,the experience,the leadership,the pleasure....

Stop caring if shes gonna leave,stop caring if you win,stop caring what she thinks,stop care in general in life thats first step to get out of this hell...

That's freedom,that's power!

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7xG6VF0mzU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-p8ZggaGDrM

 

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@gleb You are programmed with a virus that believes that she holds key to your happiness,to your worth as a man,if she leaves it means you are not good enough so you walk on eggshells so she doesnt leave you.What a bunch of bs,you manipulating so you fit into what you think you need to be for her as a man.Man doesnt act like that.He doesnt care if she leaves or not,he is fully himself why? because it pleases him not her and he if focused on her more than yourself then you are not in position to give her value but to live in reality that you need to be something for her,please her so you can get validated because you dont see that you are more important than any of women you can come across why? Because you are the value,the experience,the leadership,the pleasure....

Stop caring if shes gonna leave,stop caring if you win,stop caring what she thinks,stop care in general in life thats first step to get out of this hell...

That's freedom,that's power!

To stop caring is not freedom because you are now bounded to live up to your own standard of not caring. True freedom is when you give yourself the permission to care or not to care about a particular circumstance that arises in the moment. A slave owner is just as enslaved as the slaves he owns because now he is not free to do as he pleases because his decision making is bounded by the slaves he owns. The advice you gave him is not coming from a place of love, its coming from fear, fear of losing control and not being able to live up to your own standards. So now, by not caring, there are no outside threats because the identity you have created for yourself, you have identified with and since it cannot stand on its own without the belief system that created it, it will put up a wall to keep out invaders that threatens that belief system. If you are grounded in what and who you truly believe yourself to be and you have no problems living up to that on your own, then you wouldn't have to 'not care' because anything that comes between you and the identity you've constructed for yourself will not be able to penetrate those walls and weaken its structure. That's just a defense mechanism, not freedom, and a defense mechanism is hurting you more than the thing you're defending against. True freedom is opening up yourself to all experiences because you understand that you are energetically attracting those experiences to you and you are able to handle all experiences because life will take care of itself as it is what is behind the wheel. Not you. You are not living life; life is living you. Through you, and blocking it's forces is only creating resistance which creates suffering. True freedom is surrendering to life and realizing that all experiences are just that, experiences, which are forever changing. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Princess Arabia My advice is more applicable to the experience hes experiencing right now that you will never experience.You cant even see the seperation of your own identity if you care...

[Bando]

On 7/6/2023 at 0:18 PM, gleb said:

I'm a pretty sensitive dude.

This is very vague do you have unprocessed baggage from your early years in life, bullying, exploited insecurites ect? I'd suggest to make time in finding a good therapist when you can to help unpackage limiting beliefs. 

There are times you should go to your girl and confide in her about certain things, but what you described isnt something I would cry to my girl about