How to weed out neediness

[Salvijus]

12 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

It’s one possible approach to this .Perhaps more feminine as you said at one point?  

Yea it's like saying a total "YES" to life. 

Whereas a masculine buddhist way would be to say a total "NO" to life. And renounce everything. 

It's like becoming an enlightened/liberated introvert vs a enlightened/liberated extrovert. Somehow these two polarities exist. Yin and yang is everywhere.

Edited July 7, 2023 by Salvijus

[Sugarcoat]

7 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

It's like becoming an enlightened introvert vs an enlightened extrovert. Somehow these two polarities exist. Yin and yang is everywhere.

Introvert being the yes or no? That’s interesting analogy or what it’s called

[Salvijus]

9 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Introvert being the yes or no? That’s interesting analogy or what it’s called

Introvert being a non action. So it's a no in this analogy.

In other words. Enlightened extrovert vs enlightened introvert is like enlightened action vs enlightened nonaction.

"Ultimately there is no one who gets enlightened, there're only enlightened actions that come from truth and egoic toxic actions that come from illusions."

But non action is kind of action itself

Edited July 7, 2023 by Salvijus

[Salvijus]

Enlightened stillness vs enlightened dinamism.

There's a womb of emptyness where everything comes and goes(masculine). And inside that emptiness shakti dances, energy of love, passion, creativity (feminine). By mastering both we reach our full potential

@Sugarcoat don't worry you're not an introvert. You're both. Everyone is both.

Edited July 7, 2023 by Salvijus

[StarStruck]

I just got an epiphany. 
 

What we really desire is desire for the self, not the other person or thing.

And because of ignorance we project our desire onto others and things. But this will never fulfill us on the soul level. Only on the body level. 

For example if you are addicted to a certain food and your body craves it all the time, there is probably some lack you have on the soul level and that is why you are using this coping mechanism to fill that hole in your soul. But it will never happen unless you find a way to feed the soul instead of the body. 

[Salvijus]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

What we really desire is desire for the self, not the other person or thing.

"What we want is the Self" but here's the trick. There is no end to the Self. The glory and love of Self can keep expanding and become more and more intense. So it becomes an endless eternal desire for more of god and beauty and love and holyness. Might aswell that desire be embraced and allowed to flow unimpeded.

Well that's one option at least.

Edited July 7, 2023 by Salvijus

[Sugarcoat]

18 hours ago, SeaMonster said:

Right.  There's a difference between desires and obsessions/compulsions/addictions, though.

It's possible to control desires, to have a balanced life that puts them in proper perspective.  It's possible to be a master of your desires.

The other stuff...well, you're a slave to them.

I would agree about the difference there. 
And as you noticed I was referring to what we would call desires so not those classical compulsions

im glad you brought up compulsions tho becuase it is something that has been at the forefront of my life recently so I have a lot to say there

you absolutely have a point when you say we are slaves to compulsions. Because it can definitely be like some force that acts through us . But I would disagree that that is some end all be all to what compulsions are and how to relate to them, because that’s just one aspect of them.
 

In a way, you are a slave to them because you are relating to them in a way where you’re seeing them as an enemy. And that is understandable because compulsions tend to involve the opposite we believe we want. They can feel like a threat to our sense of self. 
 

but they don’t appear out of thin air. They are serving a purpose. It is not just something wrong in your wiring that needs to be rewired, that’s just one small part of it

 

sure fighting them with discipline can work. But at one point if it doesn’t work other approaches could be considered which is what came to me. Another approach that is a totally different way of relating to them, where instead of them being enemy you see the way they are actually serving you positively, weirdly enough 

compulsions are self regulatory they are trying to put you immediately into the kind of state you’re trying to achieve long term. People demonize this as a bad thing, but thats once again just one aspect of it.

And this can sound crazy but what I did was I spontaneously saw how incredible my “state” was when engaged in compulsions -  so I intuitively allowed myself to be swept away by it. Not knowing where it would take me but the resistance , willpower discipline thing was just not working anymore.
 

And it has totally changed how I relate to them, breaking down the perceptual resistance (because the resistance in itself isn’t actually serving me) - and it has been crazy for a while but then it balances itself out and I’ve experienced profound life changing shifts in my default “state”: perception, mind and physical body, all thanks to this and it’s an ongoing process still. Im not “done” or anything but where I’m at now is wayyyyy better than before, becuase state is foundational right? What if you could be swept away by these compulsions; and access that “state” you want to be in, stabilize in that and now you’re operating from it. Yea I’m just speaking now whatever it’s still going on for me so it hasn’t fully matured yet but I can just say it has been profound for me recently 
 

and I read that you earlier wrote how it’s not some “mystical thing you psych yourself out of”, oh boy let me tell you this can get mystical af… 

don’t underestimate the power of psychological energy lol

 

 

im just speaking from my own experience. I know how it is to live a life feeling slaved by compulsions I’ve been binge eating , porn addiction as an early teen, phone , a lot of it

 

im just saying that , yes there is value to trying to rewire yourself through being very practical practicing good habits eliminating bad etc etc. BUT if you reach a point where it just isn’t working anymore, it can be nice to know there are alternative approaches ?

Edited July 7, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Sugarcoat]

8 hours ago, Salvijus said:

Introvert being a non action. So it's a no in this analogy.

In other words. Enlightened extrovert vs enlightened introvert is like enlightened action vs enlightened nonaction.

"Ultimately there is no one who gets enlightened, there're only enlightened actions that come from truth and egoic toxic actions that come from illusions."

But non action is kind of action itself

Interesting comparison !

[Sugarcoat]

8 hours ago, Salvijus said:

Enlightened stillness vs enlightened dinamism.

There's a womb of emptyness where everything comes and goes(masculine). And inside that emptiness shakti dances, energy of love, passion, creativity (feminine). By mastering both we reach our full potential

@Sugarcoat don't worry you're not an introvert. You're both. Everyone is both.

You write very elegantly! And once again it’s interesting to put everyday things into a more spiritual perspective , it creates a more holistic picture in a way

 

 

[Sugarcoat]

8 hours ago, StarStruck said:

I just got an epiphany. 
 

What we really desire is desire for the self, not the other person or thing.

And because of ignorance we project our desire onto others and things. But this will never fulfill us on the soul level. Only on the body level. 

For example if you are addicted to a certain food and your body craves it all the time, there is probably some lack you have on the soul level and that is why you are using this coping mechanism to fill that hole in your soul. But it will never happen unless you find a way to feed the soul instead of the body. 

That’s great!

 

I believe it is natural and beneficial to be swept away sometiems and lose yourself a little and be a little ungrounded then when you get back it’s like rebirth and you’re more grounded than ever before! So this neediness isn’t all bad as you probably realized 

 

 

I like that you mention food cravings. I agree that they are connected to other cravings too. But still they are valid in themselves too, I believe they also have physical component. If you fulfill the “soul” and the craving still remains that’s a sign it’s something physical too that needs working.  Society teaches us what’s healthy and not which influences how we judge our cravings, but honestly society can be deeply wrong so we should be careful with judging our bodies cravings based on this. 

Edited July 7, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Salvijus]

@Sugarcoat lol It's like you're on a rampage, haha. More power to you. 

Edited July 7, 2023 by Salvijus

[Sugarcoat]

9 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

@Sugarcoat lol. It's like you're on a rampage, haha. More power to you. 

Your sensing is something else haha

[Salvijus]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

Your sensing is something else haha

It's working well for u

[itsadistraction]

Realize there is no free will, sit back and enjoy the show. God can take any form such as someone who never overcomes neediness or some who is born into and will never escape slavery,or someone who is tortured to death at a young age, or a billionaire etc

[Sugarcoat]

3 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

It's working well for u

Thanks u too!

[Rigel]

I don't have a solution but this thread is useful to me thanks y'all

[Sugarcoat]

57 minutes ago, Rigel said:

I don't have a solution but this thread is useful to me thanks y'all

That’s how it be sometimes!

[Leo Gura]

By getting your needs met.

[universe]

Neediness is an emotional state, a feeling. Just as apathy (which is on the lower spectrum) or feeling complete and feeling peace (higher end).

As any emotion it wants to flow through you.

You can help it let go.

And yes, there is a reason why it is there now. You can allow yourself to be gentle towards yourself and not condemn yourself for having this emotion right now.

 

I made a longer post about it here.

 

[StarStruck]

Fulfillment of desire doesn’t lead to happiness (in fact the absence of desire is happiness) so the solution for neediness is not fulfillment because that will lead to a hedonistic trap. The solution is recognizing you don’t need the external thing. Changing a need to a want. And feel gratitude for the now without being attached to a desired future outcome of having the object or state of your desire. In other words: loving the process (of the now) instead of the outcome in the future or having the desire the past would have been different. Imagination and desire is intimately connected so we have to be careful what we imagine by having a cap on that bitch. Overthinking and neediness are connected (I made a topic about that yesterday) That is what I understood from this topic and research on this topic. 

Edited July 9, 2023 by StarStruck