How to weed out neediness

[StarStruck]

I feel like it is an impossible cycle. If you don’t have it you want it and if you want it you don’t have it. So how to get out of it?  Just noticing it and solving it internally is ideal but impossible. 

Neediness is bad not only in dating but also in business and other aspects of life. If people feel you are needy they won’t give you a good deal. 

In dating it is no different. Usually I hug a girl too fast after meeting her and I can just feel her cringe. Or if a hot girl offers her phone number I become all weird about it.

Recently I got into a new business and the same thing happens when about to get a deal. I just my own doing.

My neediness caused me so much suffering that I’m starting to hate it which causes the neediness to go into my shadow and even cause more havoc. 

Edited July 6, 2023 by StarStruck

[Bobby_2021]

There is no solving neediness altogether in life. You need to solve them one aspect of life at a time.

Each of those aspects might have a different strategy for solving neediness.

Where are you feeling needy in?

Edited July 6, 2023 by Bobby_2021

[LSD-Rumi]

@StarStruck Start learning to approach life from a state of peace and fulfillment rather than neediness. There is no way around it,  you have to let go of that feeling of anxiety and dissatisfaction and let peace overcome your body. It will take time and effort, like all things in personal development do.

[StarStruck]

24 minutes ago, Bobby_2021 said:

There is no solving neediness altogether in life. You need to solve them one aspect of life at a time.

Each of those aspects might have a different strategy for solving neediness.

Where are you feeling needy in?

I explained that in detail in my post. 
 

 

19 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

@StarStruck Start learning to approach life from a state of peace and fulfillment rather than neediness. There is no way around it,  you have to let go of that feeling of anxiety and dissatisfaction and let peace overcome your body. It will take time and effort, like all things in personal development do.

Buddhism evolves around letting go of desire so obviously there are ways. Desire comes from identity so letting go of identity means letting go of desire. 

[LSD-Rumi]

5 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I explained that in detail in my post. 
 

 

Buddhism evolves around letting go of desire so obviously there are ways. Desire comes from identity so letting go of identity means letting go of desire. 

No need to go to that way of letting go of desire. Desire is good when it comes from a place of love rather than anxiety and fear.

[StarStruck]

@LSD-Rumi true. There are higher and lower desires. I want to let go of lower desires. 

[Salvijus]

Perhaps one needs to arrive at some level of completeness within so that the sense of lack doesn't rule you. Through some form of consciouness work that is.

Edited July 6, 2023 by Salvijus

[StarStruck]

1 hour ago, Salvijus said:

Perhaps one needs to arrive at some level of completeness within so that the sense of lack doesn't rule you. Through some form of consciouness work that is.

Nicely put. It seems that my salvation is in spirituality. I feel stupid. Especially after today I hugged a girl too fast after day game and it was kind of uncalibrated and needy. Still got her phone number but I’m afraid I messed up while she was the girl I was looking for. Same fuck ups happened in my business because of neediness. 

[Salvijus]

27 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I feel stupid. Especially after today I hugged a girl too fast after day game and it was kind of uncalibrated and needy.

Lol.

You can see the joke of it and laugh at yourself at least. Helps to soften the blow ?

Edited July 6, 2023 by Salvijus

[NoSelfSelf]

You are bealieving the mind that tells you lies that you need something outside yourself,so mind acts like its helping you then you start believing in the bad things also,thats how it gets you.

You are just there reacting to it all instead proactivly communicating with yourself to do opposite and think opposite of what mind says.Mind will always be on attack(it can be neddiness,depression,self doubt) its on you if you gonna believe it and react to it instead of counter it with your own thinking...

I thought this would be simpler to explain ?...

[SeaMonster]

4 hours ago, StarStruck said:

So how to get out of it?  Just noticing it and solving it internally is ideal but impossible. 

You solve it by eliminating bad habits and practicing good habits.  The changes to your internal state will follow.

Identifying what all those are is a huge conversation in itself.  

It's not some mystical thing you psych yourself into.  It's just real, practical change work (like cutting down on porn or masturbation, e.g.)

Edited July 6, 2023 by SeaMonster

[Sugarcoat]

I totally relate to this I’ve been in that thought loop before of believing myself to be in this impossible cycle

 

 

when you say neediness. It sounds to me like desire + insecurity/fear/sense of lack. So to give up neediness doesn’t mean you can’t have desires.
 

You can tho resolve some of the insecurity around it, and “ own “ your desires  and embrace them more. Aka change how you relate to those desires so it’s no longer neediness in a way that’s affecting you negatively. So for example not being needy around a girl doesn’t mean you no longer have desire for her, but it’s more how you relate to the desire and how you “own it”. And in other situations too.

 

The cringe others see is your insecurity around the desire, the desire isn’t cringe to them.  You could feel damn I want this so bad yet be totally content with it so it’s not something negative for you. 

[Sugarcoat]

1 hour ago, Salvijus said:

Lol.

You can see the joke of it and laugh at yourself at least. Helps to soften the blow ?

Totally agree such “awkward “ situations are source for goood laughter .? Can take a while to get to that point tho

[SeaMonster]

5 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

So to give up neediness doesn’t mean you can’t have desires.

Right.  There's a difference between desires and obsessions/compulsions/addictions, though.

It's possible to control desires, to have a balanced life that puts them in proper perspective.  It's possible to be a master of your desires.

The other stuff...well, you're a slave to them.

[Salvijus]

8 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Totally agree such “awkward “ situations are source for goood laughter .? Can take a while to get to that point tho

Hahaah, sounds like you're quite experienced in this regard ? can relate tho.

 

[mr_engineer]

It's not that 'if you want it you don't have it'. The whole point of learning to not be needy is to understand that 'you don't get what you want, you get what you are'. It makes you more responsible and self-accountable and less entitled. That's it. 

People who are in happy relationships don't have it because they don't care too much about it. It tends to be a big priority of their lives. You can't be 'too busy' for someone and keep them long-term. These are the people who then turn around and say 'See?! Nobody can be trusted, so learn to not be needy'. 

[Sugarcoat]

25 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

Hahaah, sounds like you're quite experienced in this regard ? can relate tho.

 

Oh yea?

[Salvijus]

8 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I totally relate to this I’ve been in that thought loop before of believing myself to be in this impossible cycle

 

 

when you say neediness. It sounds to me like desire + insecurity/fear/sense of lack. So to give up neediness doesn’t mean you can’t have desires.
 

You can tho resolve some of the insecurity around it, and “ own “ your desires  and embrace them more. Aka change how you relate to those desires so it’s no longer neediness in a way that’s affecting you negatively. So for example not being needy around a girl doesn’t mean you no longer have desire for her, but it’s more how you relate to the desire and how you “own it”. And in other situations too.

 

The cringe others see is your insecurity around the desire, the desire isn’t cringe to them.  You could feel damn I want this so bad yet be totally content with it so it’s not something negative for you. 

This is profound... Instead of trying to deny and supress desires, we can become honest about what we feel and accept them without judging it. Usually there's a profound joy that comes from vulnerability, intimacy and loving union of two (or more) people. A desire for more and more of that is god's desire is extend love and expand in its glory. It would be wise to allow this desire to overtake us so much so, that one no longer cares about anything else in life except how to extend and receive greater and greater streams of light, joy, grace, love, bliss, holyness and union. 

Edited July 7, 2023 by Salvijus

[Sugarcoat]

3 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

This is profound... Instead of trying to deny and supress desires, we can become honest about what we feel and accept them without judging it. Usually there's a profound joy that comes from vulnerability, intimacy and loving union of two (or more) people. A desire for more and more of that is god's desire is extend love and expand in its glory. It would be wise to allow this desire to overtake us so much so, that one no longer cares about anything else in life except how to extend and receive greater and greater streams of light, joy, grace, love, bliss, holyness and union. 

Thanks once again we agree on something ? that was profound too . It’s one possible approach to this . Perhaps more feminine as you said at one point?  

[Salvijus]

13 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Oh yea?

Lol