Pain of being rejected after 3 years of long distance relationship

[Amit]

As a person not good with women, you want to sleep with every woman you see. When you find a woman who is ready to flirt with you and take it forward, you want to talk sexual, you mess up these relationships, because woman can feel that you are not sincere and ready for relationships, they just run from you.

you have this immense need for their love and you are in the chase of it, more scarce it become more you chase it. Woman leaves you, gives you heart breaking pain and after you contemplate through the whole thing, you decide to be a better version to yourself.

you find another woman and this time you can’t afford to make any mistakes, you put your best self to her, you grow with her, you start to love her truly, time passes, you start taking action to be with her, you fully devote yourself to your feminine because she is the best thing that happened to you.

You are super loyal to her, put 11 hours a day working so that future with her is a good one. Suddenly you notice your woman doesn’t send you same messages and not tries to call you, you talk to her about it, only to know that she has moved on to someone else and loves them because I was working when she needed me.

your whole vision collapses, all your blind trust in her gets destroyed, you live with yourself in extreme pain, it takes you some time to fathom what has happened. You leave such a job which makes you such an unattractive person. 
 

it is so much pain to realise someone has withdrawn their love from you, days pass, you chase them and promise to fix everything, they promise you to never break your trust again, but eventually they break it and tell you that they don’t love you anymore.

you are still in shock, although you understand that it’s good to move on, your heart still suffers, you don’t want to date anymore, you want to literally go and suffer in a cave to meditate and achieve a samadhi.

Edited July 4, 2023 by Amit

[NoSelfSelf]

@Amit Why are women so special for this kind of agony?

Edited July 4, 2023 by NoSelfSelf

[Amit]

For me, they are

Being born in a family where there was an extreme level of control on you as a child about what you can do and can’t do. When you were threatened for literal death by your own father if you dare to chase girls like other guys, living in a sexually repressed culture.

 

you become a person who is afraid to open your mouth in front of feminine, you have least chances of getting a woman, that’s what becomes your most precious chase, and that’s what you needed to let go to become realised eventually, and that happens afte you have intense experiences and rejections over and over.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Amit That's heavy stuff then therapy first,relationship second...

[Amit]

What kind of therapy?

[NoSelfSelf]

@Amit I dont know, therapist after assesment should give you the program,but ill start research cognitive therapy because i heared positive stuff about it...

[Amit]

@NoSelfSelf honestly I don’t think I need therapy because I understand this part of me pretty well and I really don’t act on this feeling of neediness anymore. But thank you to bring it so that we can move to the real issue here.

I would like to know your opinion on other aspect of this, which I found to be a reason for my recent breakup? 

The difference of mindset between western cultures vs Indian culture.. since west is more materialistic, the relationship becomes more about pleasure seeking and getting a need fulfilled, not about the unity of shiva and Shakti. Do you agree that western mindset is damaging and women do more harm to themselves by keep switching partners so easily.?

[NoSelfSelf]

@Amit The part of mind that is making you being needy is also making you consume content to fill you with all kinds of ideologies on how the women are the problem and its you,no matter the culture...real issue is your mind lying to you that there is a reason outside of you that causes you to look so it doesnt change..

If you dont know what part im saying that voice that tells you im not good enough etc.

I dont know bigger picture but of what happened in relationship, but how you worship women and talk about women as the problem its enough info that you are the one causing the breakup ..

Edited July 4, 2023 by NoSelfSelf

[meta_male]

22 minutes ago, Amit said:

@NoSelfSelf honestly I don’t think I need therapy because I understand this part of me pretty well and I really don’t act on this feeling of neediness anymore.

I once thought so too, man. It sounds like you focus on women too much.

[Ajax]

1 hour ago, Amit said:

woman can feel that you are not sincere and ready for relationships, they just run from you.

See, you already admitted the problem with your own words. Now that you know the problem, you know what to do. All you need to do is.... Just do it.

[Tenebroso]

Like many men today you need to develop an identity outside of women and sex. Most men are not meant to do well with women, it's not an accident that so many men struggle when the artificial barriers placed on women are removed.

Edited July 4, 2023 by Tenebroso

[Amit]

@Ajax  there was a time, when this was the case but with time it’s not like this anymore.

I am not as needy as your guys might be interpreting with my words, it’s more of a issue accepting what is said to be truth of female psychology, since women in my life were kind and nurturing, and I can feel woman more deeply than a normal human would, therefore I tend to appreciate feminine a lot.

[Amit]

2 minutes ago, Tenebroso said:

artificial barriers placed on women are removed.

@Tenebroso

Can you give me examples, what do you mean by barriers?

[NoSelfSelf]

@Amit

2 hours ago, Amit said:

 

you have this immense need for their love and you are in the chase of it

you fully devote yourself to your feminine because she is the best thing that happened to you.

 put 11 hours a day working so that future with her is a good one. 

 You leave such a job which makes you such an unattractive person. 
 

 

You are lying to yourself  so there cant be trust...

[Ajax]

@Amit  You are not fooling me. You are not ready for a relationship. You already admitted it. You know you are lying to yourself and I know you are lying to yourself. 

I have done my part. Believe me or not. It's your choice, I am moving on.

[Tenebroso]

@Amit Not being able to vote, have a bank account, being ostracised by a certain age for not being attached. Social structures that ensured dependence on men and allowed many men who naturally wouldn't attract women to have wives and families. Now with those barriers removed we see women find the vast majority of most men unattractive on all levels, even money and status are not as powerful anymore they don't overpower instinctive repulsion in women who have a choice and can make their own money.

[Amit]

@Tenebroso  yes true, I kinda agree that women even though being more emotional than men, in today’s society are spoiled, just because they have more options yada yada..

I actually considered my woman being special like having higher values than most, and it really made her ugly to me when she did not follow through and that’s why I feel calm in my heart, nothing lost actually.

If it was me who was not fully committed and had pure feelings in my heart, I would have felt worse. Right now, it doesn’t hurt anymore to accept the truth of the matter.

thanks @NoSelfSelf @Ajax  @meta_male to making me aware of your perspectives, it was very valuable for me.

 

[integral]

@Amit Its a matter of practice my man, would you succeed at winning a concert playing guitar with 1 week of practice? Probably not. Got to try again until the learning experience builds up. Failure is part of every pursuit. 

[Amit]

@integral  honestly I am out of this game already. It was my only last chance, I have seen enough and very deeply. I am truly happy that I didn’t have to call it off, because I  want to be integral with what I say, and now I got my freedom again and this time there is no one to influence me in sorts of jobs I don’t want to do.

This has provided me all the time and space, I can literally build whatever I want, this is a true gift from her. 
 

thanks a lot for those kind words.

[Amit]

@Enlightement   I was blind to not see all the red flags, but I recently found out that she matches all the descriptions of a female covert narcissist. Now I feel good about it, it’s not just that the time was wasted, more important is that I will be able to filter out such females now. 
 

thanks for your advice. ?