How do I stop being creepy to women?

[Magnanimous]

Guy's I've just creeped out a bunch of girls and I want to know how to stop.

I was raised in a way where I was not taught social norms (or at least like 99%) of them, so I don't know some critical things to do.

I was raised where my parents didn't really talk about dating/social norms. They used to speak english but when I was like 4 they switched bak to speaking their native dialect which I know nothing of so I overheard nothing from them. And then my younger sibling was born so they spent more time with him. When I was left alone I didn't focus on pop culture, instead just watching yt and playing video games. At school my mates never talked about what to do, and then I became socially awkward in Year 5 when I didn't play fortnite so my friends just stopped talking to me, and that's persisted into High School ever since. They don't really talk about fortnite that much, but other things. While I'm the only one grinding away on self help and manifestational work, making me have nobody to talk to.

I've already made the promise to try not to say anything creepy anymore to a bunch of my friends but I unwittingly broke it. I desperately require assistance.

[universe]

Do inner work, emotional work.

Is there any emotional need that arises when you talk to women?

Energy work.

See if there is any reaching or forcing energy in you. You want to replace it with power, talk without wanting anything in return (like wanting her to like you). Let things arise instead of forcing them.

Body work.

Relax into your body. Are you in your head? If yes release the tension in your body and allow yourself to come into your body. Be in your whole body. Feel your feet, your legs. Get grounded in your body.

Mindset work.

The way you think about the situation and your intentions. Do you think someone is out to get you, or that you have to push and force yourself to talk to woman? This will make you feel stressed. Instead you want to share your experience and create a good time together with her. This will make you both feel more relaxed. Trust her.

Keep the conversation positive and fun.

Be empathic and care about how she feels.

[Ajax]

Make some money and hire a communication coach. You need one on one assistance to help you develop the skills you need.

 

[Tenebroso]

It's not in your hands stop worrying about it.

[hyruga]

Just be magnanimous.

Edited July 5, 2023 by hyruga

[Dauntment]

12 hours ago, Magnanimous said:

Guy's I've just creeped out a bunch of girls and I want to know how to stop.

I was raised in a way where I was not taught social norms (or at least like 99%) of them, so I don't know some critical things to do.

I was raised where my parents didn't really talk about dating/social norms. They used to speak english but when I was like 4 they switched bak to speaking their native dialect which I know nothing of so I overheard nothing from them. And then my younger sibling was born so they spent more time with him. When I was left alone I didn't focus on pop culture, instead just watching yt and playing video games. At school my mates never talked about what to do, and then I became socially awkward in Year 5 when I didn't play fortnite so my friends just stopped talking to me, and that's persisted into High School ever since. They don't really talk about fortnite that much, but other things. While I'm the only one grinding away on self help and manifestational work, making me have nobody to talk to.

I've already made the promise to try not to say anything creepy anymore to a bunch of my friends but I unwittingly broke it. I desperately require assistance.

Confidence. Absolutely impeccable and genuine confidence. 

How do you get there? Up to you, but I would generally advise: Educate yourself (not the surface level BS provided by society by DEEP pursuits), Take care of your appearance (Fitness & Styling), Find yourself (What interests and motivates you? What gets you talking and in ACTION?) and lastly Social Intelligence (understand cues, norms, cultures, etc.)

What "happened" that creeped them out? 

[Myagooshki]

Don't worry about whether or not you come off as creepy. If you've been reading enough self help resources, you probably have a good idea of what other people think "creepiness" "is". If you yourself don't think it's creepy, other people might not think it's creepy either but rather they're pretending that they do because they're playing games with you. Do you know how to recontextualize conversations? So if somebody says to you "hey pussy" you don't be like "don't talk to me like that!" you be like "you're very boring and uninteresting and I do not want to have this conversation bye bye" or something. Just continue to talk to people and if they tell you to go away start making fun of them. Go away, but have the last word. A lot of people won't really tell you to go away though, and those are the people that you can start finding friends from. Maybe the aggressive people too, but that's harder to do. YOU develop your own sense of what is "creepy" and what isn't, and then act as if you're not creepy, but other people who call you creepy are stupid. I'm assuming you're not doing actual creepy stuff like sniffing girls hair you're just saying things that people think are "retarded".

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMsTke0Fo5g

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJUhShVcfms

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YU7nT7qAfEM

https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-not-be-creepy-guy

Edited July 5, 2023 by Raze

[integral]

@Magnanimous Talk to alot of people and girls and get the experiences you didnt get as a kid. 

[Mada_]

How old are you? 

I've spent a fair bit of time with incels, enough for some view to almost begin to start rubbing off on me. 

 

You really just need to relax and spent lots of time women. Forget about game or attracting a woman at this point, just become as social as possible. Go join a running group, even for a weekend, go to a pottery class. Put yourself in lots of social situations like this and have lots of normal conversations with both men and women. 

Drop all the silly ideas you've seen Youtube about "women should do this" "men should be this". Just try your best in life and chill tf out around people. 

 

Emotional work, health work, your career are all going to compound (very slowly) and will help you socially, but are also just necessary for dying fulfilled. 

Youre fine - you dont mean women any harm. You're not walking up to them and punching them in the face, you're not trying to verbally abuse them and traumatize them. You're probably just unsure of yourself and physically anxious, this creeps girls out. It's fine, they keep breathing after your creepy interaction right? And so do you. 

[UnbornTao]

mostly practice. Learn to relax and to be calm around women.

[Sugarcoat]

I’ve been in the opposite position where I’ve acted socially awkward around guys I’ve crushed on in school etc so I understand the feeling. First of all this overthinking neurotic tendency to ruminate over it and try to keep yourself in check by promising yourself to not act in a certain way doesn’t do you any better. It’s just stress in your system. 
 

Retreating from the world a little and doing work alone is great but it’s important  to also put yourself in social situations to overcome some of this. At some point just push through.  You want it to be more natural and intuitive not scripted and forced. So trying to make yourself act a certain way can sometimes just keep you stuck in this neurotic loop. So taking some risk and letting go a little can help break this barrier of tension and it’s not the end of the world if someone gets uncomfortable it’s not a crime. There is massive potential for progress in this area don’t ever feel hopeless!! I promise!!! I used to barely be able to hold convos sometimes and now I can accidentally seduce a guy !! Don’t give up!!!

Edited July 5, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[mr_engineer]

First of all, understand what 'creepy' means. It means, someone who makes you feel a certain way. And, the reality of this, is that you have no control over how someone else feels. They're just projecting this 'control' onto you. 

Secondly, about social norms - is your issue that you want to conform to them but you don't know how, or is it that you don't fundamentally agree with the social norms and you'd prefer that people didn't call you 'creepy' for not conforming? Because if it's the latter, then you avoid those who want to live in their pristine little bubble and you just be yourself in other contexts. If you want to conform, then you get a coach who will teach you how to do that. 

And finally, about modern women - The reality of women today is that they are scared of everything. They will be scared if a rabbit looks at them the wrong way. That's not the problem, that's just the way things are. The problem is that there are too many white-knights in positions of power who benefit from taking their insignificant little hissy-fits seriously. And, a woman's power to hurt a man's reputation by using strongly negative language to describe him is really underestimated. So, if you want to change this about society, the way you do that is that you start getting suspicious of an overly biased narrative, in which strongly negative language is used. And you get better at predicting how white-knights act when shown an 'enemy'. And try your level best to discredit the white-knights, cuz they're the real enablers of this issue. 

[Tenebroso]

@mr_engineer Great response although I fear we may be too far gone collectively.

[Emotionalmosquito]

On 7/4/2023 at 7:28 PM, Myagooshki said:

If you yourself don't think it's creepy, other people might not think it's creepy either

In my experience that is 100 percent untrue. If they’re creeped out by the subject matter it makes no difference whether or not you’re comfortable talking about it. Really pisses me off because you hear everyone saying to just be yourself and talk about what you’re interested in when that clearly isn’t working. The best results I’ve ever had with women was when I was being completely and utterly fake, with a few rare exceptions.

On 7/5/2023 at 9:17 AM, Mada_ said:

You're probably just unsure of yourself and physically anxious, this creeps girls out.

Interesting how girls are deemed to be such excellent judges of character with high eq and very good at reading people but they can’t even tell the difference between an actual creep and a guy that’s just socially awkward.

[Leo Gura]

Go out and learn to socialize. Find some "natural" guys and emulate them.

It's okay to be creepy in the beginning. You will grow out of it with more experience.

Edited July 11, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Husseinisdoingfine]

I've had the same problem of being raised by immigrants who made it more difficult for me to socialize by locking me in a cultural bubble, refusing to adapt to English.

Where is your family from?

[Tenebroso]

Why is it actually dangerous, creepy are not detected by female intuition. These kinds of men seem to have a never ending trail of women who trusted them, while a regular man maybe a bit anxious is creepy. Isn't something broken there?

[something_else]

20 hours ago, Tenebroso said:

Why is it actually dangerous, creepy are not detected by female intuition. These kinds of men seem to have a never ending trail of women who trusted them

What source are you basing this off? Is this an assumption based on what you read online?

[Raze]

On 7/11/2023 at 10:06 AM, Tenebroso said:

Why is it actually dangerous, creepy are not detected by female intuition. These kinds of men seem to have a never ending trail of women who trusted them, while a regular man maybe a bit anxious is creepy. Isn't something broken there?

What women detect as creepy is when the guy is not sure of himself and doubts what he’s doing. Some men have mental issues like narcissism so even though they have bad intentions they don’t communicate it and come across trustworthy. Other men may have good intentions but have low self esteem and social conditioning so they come across creepy because they doubt themselves.