Revenge! I've Got A Serious Problem.

[Guest]

Hey!

I think I have a serious problem and this problem leads me to do the things that nobody expects from me.

First of all, I have to understand the psychology of a person in my school. He drives me so mad. I'll keep it as short as possible.

He has been mocking some shy girls who can't raise their hands and speak in class. And he mocks them by telling other people jokes about those girls and they laugh together. This is a really easy way to drive me mad already. He is fat, nobody cares about it. After 2 months in last semester he stopped making fun of those girls and got toxic. He started being angry all the time for everything. He then started tripping, showing anger when I talk to someone in class. When I attend to lesson he started laughing. One day I was talking to student representative. -Please pay attention to this part- He came to me shouting in front of people in the class. He told me I don't have right to speak it irritates everyone. (In reality it doesn't and people were on my side after the incident.) I got really angry and he stopped shouting, his friends took him to outside. I ran towards him and he was scared so badly, he didn't even turn his face to me. It was the first time I got angry in 3 years. He told people that he gave lesson notes all of them and stuff while shouting I don't know why... 

He occasionally, sits behind me in class and beside me in exams. He always checks what I do and what I say. All F. time. And it drives me really really mad.

After all that stuff I stop thinking that he should pay for it somehow. I always want to take revenge from my friends. When they judge me or criticize me, they should pay for it. And I hate this!

How to overcome these kind of toxic people in working or school environment? Is it okay to take revenge? How to take revenge from a psychological bully?

I don't want to hurt anybody. I love everyone. I try to understand him to love him. But I assume that he'll continue pushing my buttons. I don't want to stop it by force.

Edit: I am sorry for opening topic in wrong category. 

Edited February 13, 2016 by Sarper

[Dhana Choko]

No, it is not okey to take revenge. This is an opportunity for you to grow in maturity and learn first and foremost about yourself and other people in this world. It is a great thing really and you can learn so much about this situation. And it is great that you are trying to! It shows great ability to learn and understand.

Maybe you have to come in terms with your own emotions. That you would LIKE to love everybody but there are LOT of people in this world who act in a way that is very hard to love, for anyone, especially for the person doing the un-loving thing, like your classmate here. To overcome this type of behaviour (remember, there is difference in behaviour and being a specific type of person), you need to rise above it. This does not mean that you should just accept everything that he throws at you or anyone else and it is okey to put boundaries on people. He seems like the type of person who might actually be wanting of you to put boundaries to him and to his actions. It seems like he is very confused and maybe his parents are not giving him advice on what is okey in the world and how to act around others and his parents might be belittling and condasending towards other people as well. It might be that on some level he knows it is not ok, but tries to look clues around other people to know what is good and what is wrong. Maybe you seem the type of person to him who knows.

This is a great video for the topic:

 

 

[Guest]

33 minutes ago, Dhana Choko said:

No, it is not okey to take revenge. This is an opportunity for you to grow in maturity and learn first and foremost about yourself and other people in this world. It is a great thing really and you can learn so much about this situation. And it is great that you are trying to! It shows great ability to learn and understand.

Maybe you have to come in terms with your own emotions. That you would LIKE to love everybody but there are LOT of people in this world who act in a way that is very hard to love, for anyone, especially for the person doing the un-loving thing, like your classmate here. To overcome this type of behaviour (remember, there is difference in behaviour and being a specific type of person), you need to rise above it. This does not mean that you should just accept everything that he throws at you or anyone else and it is okey to put boundaries on people. He seems like the type of person who might actually be wanting of you to put boundaries to him and to his actions. It seems like he is very confused and maybe his parents are not giving him advice on what is okey in the world and how to act around others and his parents might be belittling and condasending towards other people as well. It might be that on some level he knows it is not ok, but tries to look clues around other people to know what is good and what is wrong. Maybe you seem the type of person to him who knows.

This is a great video for the topic:

 

Thank you so much for your help. I think as you say it's best way to improve myself and creating more problems will not lead me anywhere better than this point where I am at right now. I have watched the video twice it's really as usual. Thank you so much!

[ZenTwizzle]

One mind hack that I use to be able to genuinely forgive people, is wow, I may have work to do on me, but that other person must be in a really awful place to behave like that. That poor person's struggles must be so bad that the only way they are able to cope is behave badly, I'm glad my struggles pale in comparison and I really feel sorry for that other person, they must be in a dark place. When I can really feel the empathy I lose all thought of striking back. For me, it helps to find new ways to process things to rewire your thinking in a more constructive way. Don't know if that might help you, but nothing ventured nothing gained. And as with all things self actualizing practice, practice, practice is key. PS. Cool that you are recognizing the emotion for what it is and wanting to change it.

[Guest]

55 minutes ago, ZenTwizzle said:

One mind hack that I use to be able to genuinely forgive people, is wow, I may have work to do on me, but that other person must be in a really awful place to behave like that. That poor person's struggles must be so bad that the only way they are able to cope is behave badly, I'm glad my struggles pale in comparison and I really feel sorry for that other person, they must be in a dark place. When I can really feel the empathy I lose all thought of striking back. For me, it helps to find new ways to process things to rewire your thinking in a more constructive way. Don't know if that might help you, but nothing ventured nothing gained. And as with all things self actualizing practice, practice, practice is key. PS. Cool that you are recognizing the emotion for what it is and wanting to change it.

I liked your comment so much and read it couple of times. As you said those people are in dark place, they are struggling a lot. They really do. I know that guy is having bad days and it makes me sad but at the same time my ego tells me to protect myself. Because life is not easy for me, everyone has problems. It's hard being at this side of the problem because when they will understand it, they will feel no guilt but if I don't respond my ego will always make me guilty and I become a prey in this unfair life. For my ego at least. I know it's exactly for my improvement.

Thanks a lot for your comment!  

[ZenTwizzle]

 

3 hours ago, Sarper said:

I liked your comment so much and read it couple of times. As you said those people are in dark place, they are struggling a lot. They really do. I know that guy is having bad days and it makes me sad but at the same time my ego tells me to protect myself. Because life is not easy for me, everyone has problems. It's hard being at this side of the problem because when they will understand it, they will feel no guilt but if I don't respond my ego will always make me guilty and I become a prey in this unfair life. For my ego at least. I know it's exactly for my improvement.

Thanks a lot for your comment!  

Wow Sarper, I'm glad that helped in any way. Trust me, I think most of us convolute anything and everything. I am beginning to believe that repetition is what helps rewire the brain and it eventually becomes habit. That new habit becomes your reality etc., but it sure doesn't happen over night, at least not for this girl. lol