Are Unenlightened People Even Capable Of Real Love?

[Guest username]

Or would it only be conditional?

[Azrael]

27 minutes ago, username said:

Or would it only be conditional?

If you ever were in real love, you could answer that question yourself.

[Guest username]

@Azrael My answer would be no, but I wanted to see what other people thought. So far I only love conditionally.

[Prabhaker]

45 minutes ago, username said:

would it only be conditional?

Ordinarily people love only when their conditions are fulfilled. They say, "You should be like this, only then will I love". A mother says to the child, "I’ll love you only if you behave". A wife says to the husband, "You have to be this way, only then can I love you". Everybody creates conditions: love disappears.

When you fall in love everything looks beautiful, because in those moments you don’t put conditions. Two persons move near each other unconditionally. Once they have settled, once they have started taking each other for granted, then conditions are being imposed: "You should be like this, you should behave like that, only then will I love"–as if love is a bargain.

Falling in love you become a possession: you possess and you allow somebody to possess you. 

[eskwire]

@username It's conditional in the sense that people feel love when they are in eros and are erotically attracted, or they feel love toward someone who gave them a kind gift, or they feel love toward a child who made them proud.

But so many of us would say we love people who have made us miserable, who disappoint us, and who take from us. We say we love them.

I think that the unenlightened, including myself, speak to their higher selves this way. They love through commitment, though the constant feeling of love is not there. They know it could be, but they know they just don't feel that way: due to egoic conditions. 

So, yes and no. The feeling is not 100% there 100% of the time for the unenlightened, but the moral sense of love's value can be. 

[Loreena]

Imo, enlightenment has nothing to do with real love. Some people are just capable of unconditional love others are not. Unconditional love is rare. Most probably you'll never find it. But you could try loving someone unconditionally, but it's not going to be easy because it's tough to give up expectations. 

But you know what I got unconditional love here. When I am good, they love me, when I am naughty, they love me, when I get angry they love me, when I act crazy, they like that too, ahh the perks of unconditional love. Now this is reaaal unconditional love ....no matter what you do, right or wrong, someone still loves you, oooooh this feels like ...whiskey and wine, heaven is mine. Heart emoji

Edited March 21, 2017 by Loreena

[Bodhi123]

Unconditional love is rare. But don't fool yourself, a person doesn't have to be enlightened to love unconditionally.

[Prabhaker]

21 minutes ago, Bodhi123 said:

a person doesn't have to be enlightened to love unconditionally.

Your unconditional love will make you unattached to individuals; it will be just an aroma around you. You will be a loving person. You will love the trees, you will love the sunset, you will love a woman, you will love all that this universe provides you. Your real being only flowers with unconditional love.

Your love can turn into hate any moment. Scratch a person just a little bit, and the love disappears and hate arises. It is not even skin-deep. Even so-called great lovers are continuously fighting, continuously at each other's throats – nagging, destructive. And people think this is love.

The real thing is not a relationship but a state; one is not in love but one is love.  A Buddha is love, a Jesus is love – not in love with a particular person, but simply love. Their very climate is love. It is not addressed to anybody in particular, it is spreading in all directions.

An unenlightened can think that he can love unconditionally or someone can appear to be loving unconditionally, but his love can turn into hate any moment. For example if you think you love a girl unconditionally, marry her , you will find what kind of love it is. Only those who are never allowed to meet are remembered, for centuries, for their great love. 

[Toby]

Of course they are. Everyone's nature is real love and that love peaks through no matter what the conditions are again and again from time to time, even if you are not enlightened. Living as an embodiment of love however only goes hand in hand with enlightenment imo.

Edited March 21, 2017 by Toby

[Bodhi123]

@Prabhaker I was going to make an argument for unconditional love. But I can make a better argument for everlasting love.

If two people truly love each other that means they care about the other person more than they care about themselves. Therefore, they would never do anything to hurt the person so deeply that the love between them would disappear.

Because the conditions of their love will never be breached it will last forever.

[Guest Annetta]

I'm not sure, I don't think so...

From my experiences, the ego is very flippy and love is filtered through a semi-opaque fish-eye lense.  A narrative.  Expectations.  Fear.  Clinging.  Need.  A motive.  A means to an end.  A goal.  Validation.  Survival.

I want unconditional love from another person.  Yes, "I want" is not appropriate, but it's a starting point.
I'm codependent; I would change my heart and soul for something like that.
Change...
Probably not a good thing, either.
...I would rearrange how I view myself and strive to then come from a place of other, rather than self, in order to experience something like that.
Whatta pain-in-the-ass process, though.

Egoic love: 

So no, I don't think that unenlightened people are capable of real love.  If someone doesn't know their true self, how could they know another's true self?
Could be wrong though.

Edited March 21, 2017 by Whywolf

[Guest username]

@Whywolf That's my thinking. I used to think you didn't need self-realization for true love, but if I'm honest with myself, my love is pretty selfish.

 

How can I l truly love anyone when I don't know what I am or what another is?

Edited March 21, 2017 by username