My ego thinks it‘s so special and wants others to think the same

[PurpleTree]

For example sometimes i feel like i have this Krishna energy, which is a mix between ego and being conscious. And then sometimes i see a group of Indian people, then my ego thinks wow they must feel my Krishna energy now. They‘ll really be impressed and love me, maybe even worship me who knows ? it‘s so ridiculous.

Or when peole stare at me, which i feel they do. My ego thinks that they can sense and feel how special i am

 

Or right now i‘m travelling in Latin America. And then sometimes i‘m the only white person. And then i feel like i have to represent for white people. And make them see that white people can be very deep and spiritual. And when they look or stare at me. I think they recognize how special i am. It‘s so dumb. ?
 

and many many other situations.

 

it‘s this already narcissism or just normal ego stuff?

[Ajax]

It's great to feel special there is nothing wrong with it just make everyone around you feel just as special because they are.

Edited June 28, 2023 by Ajax

[Breakingthewall]

it's immaturity, lack of real confidence in yourself, that makes you need external validation like breathing. the good thing is that you realize and see that it is something negative. you have to completely eliminate that, your social ego must tend to zero. it is an obstacle, an impediment to establishing true relationships. when you are with others, you must be exactly on their level, down to the micron. as soon as you rise a micron above them... congratulations, you are a ridiculous fool, a clown

 

[Moksha]

By definition, you are special. There is nobody like you on the planet.

The bad news is that everything special is transient. Whatever jolt you get from feeling special won't last.

The good news is that your true nature is incomprehensibly brilliant and beyond every threat.

Realize the glory of who you are, and the need for feeling special will dissolve, like a shadow banished by the light.

[Yimpa]

@Moksha It’s becoming obvious that my habitual need to control, maintain, or flaunt special powers/experiences always leads back to self-destructive cycles.

The more I allow myself to let go of those desires, the less fear and judgement exists. Life unfolds infinitely wiser than what the imagined person could ever conjure into existence. 

[Moksha]

@Yimpa Spirituality is counterintuitive. The survival instinct is to control externally, but to be free we have to surrender within. It's the opposite of what the conditioned mind believes is in our best interest.

As you're realizing, rather than being satiated, desires become more ravenous the more you feed them. I recently read an article by a doctor who found that the more his fortune grew, the greater his desires became:

But man’s desires are never ending. As the salary kept increasing so the desires and needs. 

There's nothing wrong with having desires, as long as they are held loosely, without our happiness depending on them being fulfilled. Any conditions we place on life eventually bind us to the wheel of suffering.

Observing this self-destructive pattern is the first step toward dissolving it. The journey is not about willpower, which is just another form of control. All you need is sincerity and patience. The light within you does the rest.

[PurpleTree]

Nice answers 

 

you know that Simpsons episode where the Freemasons see the special birthmark on Homer and make him their leader? That’s how my ego feels it should be. Women, men seeing how special i am and just hand me everything over. There’s also a lot of shame though still so it’s confusing.

[Hojo]

Show people you are special without words. By unconditionally loving them its a rare trait and people will see you seeing the soul in them

Edited June 29, 2023 by Hojo