Want to married, but what age is ideal?

[Manusia]

Background:
I'm a 24-year-old guy and I'm thinking about starting a family at some point. However, I'm feeling confused about the ideal age for me to pursue a relationship with a girl.

I've heard from self-development folks that it's important to have a clear life purpose and direction before getting married. On the other hand, my friends in their 50s have advised me not to wait beyond the age of 32.

Here's my plan: I'm planning to pursue a master's degree for the next two years, so by the time I graduate, I'll be around 27 years old. After that, I want to spend another 3-4 years establishing my career in the field that truly interests me, and aim for a more stable income.

Concern: I'm also concerned that if I wait until my mid-30s or beyond, I might not have as much energy to dedicate to raising my kids. There's an opinion that getting married at a younger age means that by the time I'm older, my kids will already be young adults. This could potentially mean that as a parent, I would be less worried about their survival and have more time to spend with my spouse and pursue my hobbies.

I am open to any advice or perspective on this matter.

Edited June 28, 2023 by Manusia

[Ajax]

It's your game, whenever you feel ready.  I am sure you want to be the best for your family. Keep working on yourself and you will know when you are ready. It is not about age it is about development.  My father was 54 when he had me and he was perfect!

Edited June 29, 2023 by Ajax

[something_else]

Personally I don't want to marry. But in terms of settling down, I don't want to do it before 30. I think for the majority of people having kids and settling down before 25 in the modern world is a mistake. Especially if you're a guy.

[Bando]

@Manusia There is no right age, imo the right time to settle down is when your finically stable, have had a minimum of 20 partners, and developed strong self-esteem. 

This could take anywhere from 3-10 years to accomplish which is why you often hear people in the improvement space say you should look to settle down in your 30's.
 

On 6/28/2023 at 11:21 AM, Manusia said:

'm also concerned that if I wait until my mid-30s or beyond, I might not have as much energy to dedicate to raising my kids

If you make taking care of your mind and body a priority this shouldn't be an issue, my dad had me when he was 45 and he is still one of the most energetic, hard working people I know

[Dauntment]

To complement the rest of advice here, Patrick Bet David made a similar remark "Marry with a 3, not a 2" (30s > 20s). 

Some quick points I'd like to add:

- Modern society is pretty damn easy in terms of brute survival contrast to what our ancestors went through, so "lets team up early so we can survive" appears to be less prominent as DATING standards as risen since LIFE standards have risen.

- Conventional wisdom says: Choosing your spouse is THE MOST impacting economic decision you will ever make in your life; you don't have to look far to see men that have been RUINED by Divorce but can just as easily see Men leading marriages so deep in love and prosperity that would be something out of a fantasy.

- Again, "modern day", assuming that your are taking your health/vitality serious, not much sense in expecting that you would have significantly less energy all things going well

- Lastly: Keep growing, broaden your worldview with diverse experiences, DEEPLY find yourself and be grounded like a mountain, and choose WISELY. Good luck man

[Manusia]

Thank you guys for your advice. Its helpful to know that even 40s can be no problem at all.

Lot of people here in Indonesia suggest that good age to marry is 20s. Married in 30s a

@Ajax@Dauntment@Bando

 

@something_else Why bro?

On 6/29/2023 at 9:21 PM, something_else said:

But in terms of settling down, I don't want to do it before 30.

[soos_mite_ah]

 I feel like there isn't one set age rather there are factors involved that you want to consider: 

1. Are you in a happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship for at least a year or two (given that you aren't like in your teens or early 20s)?: This is the bare minimum but honestly a lot of people stumble on it because they're so focused on getting married / engaged and living life on a timeline of *I need to get married before 30*

2. Do you know what your long term plans are and what settling down looks like for you? : Having a healthy happy relationship is not enough to sustain a marriage. Both of yall need to have similar plans in life and a way that you can coordinate that. Big life decisions aren't something that you compromise on. Say one partner wants to have 3 kids and the other one wants to be child free. That's not going to work. Or say one partner wants to live in California and the other wants to live in Florida. Settling down in the middle in rural Kansas is going to make both parties resentful, bitter, and miserable with one another. And usually imo when you're under 25 ish, it's harder to say how you want to settle down and find a partner accordingly because you're growing and changing so much as a person than compared to when you are in your early 30s for example. 

3. Are you and your partner financially stable and self sufficient? : Money becomes a huge factor in divorce so having this area of your life straightened out can help preventing a lot of issues. Both of you guys need to be self sufficient because being with a bum of any gender can create issues in the long term and cause the dependent party to feel trapped and the supporting part to feel obligated. In both cases, you get logistical issues and emotional problems since it creates conditions and dynamics where it's hard to be healthy, happy, and passionate. If there is a time you think you want to take time off work to take care of a child for example, have that conversation early on to see if you have similar expectations and ability to follow through on that and get a prenup to protect yourself legally. 

4. Are you aware of the legal and financial implications of this decision? : I think marriage gets romanticized so much to where people forget that this is one of the most legally significant things most people do next to dying. Know your rights and how all of this works. Financially, this also goes back to the long term plans point. You guys need to be able to talk about money, how much you make, as well as any debts and financial goals you may have. For example, say you decide that you want a kid. Kids cost a fuck ton of money. In this case, it's not only necessary to marry someone financially self sufficient but depending on how you want to raise your child, you will need more than just self sufficiency from yourself and your partner.