My Grandfather Wants To Die Now

[Mondsee]

My Grandpa is in a very delicate health condition. He doesn't have any serious illness, but at his 91 y/o he barely can't eat alone, and he needs help for every single thing he does.

Lately his condition has been worsening, he is extremely weak and he doesn't want to eat, to take his medicines, to shower or do anything at all. Now, my Grandmother told me he is starting to repeat very often that he wants to die already.

What should be the approach to someone in this condition? Until now, my Grandma, his nurse, my mother, his doctor and so forth have been constantly telling him to eat a little more (he literally doesn't want to eat anything at all) and that if he doesn't take his medicines he is only going to feel even worst. I feel like everyone is fighting to keep him alive, this is wrong, isn't it? I feel like we should be giving him only what he asks for, and if he lives only one week more because of that, so what?

Don't get me wrong, I love my Grandpa, but why should everyone around him be holding on to his life so tight? Wouldn't it be better to let go?

[Evilwave Heddy]

Fuck..this is deep man.  If my grandfather was in that state and he said he wanted to die I would do my best to make his wish come through.  I see it as torture for the poor man.  The guy is begging to be killed and your selfish family who won't let him go because they can't bear the thought of it and won't make his one last wish come through. This saddens me.

[egoeimai]

What the hell?  Help him stay alive! Feed him and make him happy so that he forgets about death! Lol its obvious! 

Do take his words literally. He is very old and pll at his age talk bullshit sometime. Help him be happy!!!!

[egoeimai]

What the hell?  Help him stay alive! Feed him and make him happy so that he forgets about death! Lol its obvious! 

Do take his words literally. He is very old and pll at his age talk bullshit sometime. Help him be happy!!!!

[egoeimai]

@Evilwave Heddy are you for real???  Theres noone that wishes to die,being in a nice place in their mind! Obviously  grandpa is depressed. I want him to live!  

[Evilwave Heddy]

29 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

What the hell?  Help him stay alive! Feed him and make him happy so that he forgets about death! Lol its obvious! 

Do take his words literally. He is very old and pll at his age talk bullshit sometime. Help him be happy!!!!

You sound crazier than I do. Try putting yourself in his grandfathers shoes for a minute here.

More than likely stuck in a hospital for days - weeks now, bed bound probably, being kept alive by machines and drugs...everything hurts and even if you do get better you know you will be treated like a fucking 6 year old for the rest of your life or thrown into a home.  I too would ask to be put out of my misery regardless of the crappy outcome.  

[ajasatya]

@Mondsee put yourself in his place

[Toby]

Is he in a state of depression and motivated by this? Or is he really fine and just is fine with transitioning?

[Guest Annetta]

Honestly, if he feels like it's his time and he wants to go I feel like he should be allowed to go.  Reminds me of this South Park clip.  Families always try to hold on to their loved ones, but in the end it is his life and he should have a say in how he wants to leave this world.

 

[Vingger]

I am not going to say MARIHUANA
 

[Mondsee]

On 20 de marzo de 2017 at 2:34 PM, Evilwave Heddy said:

The guy is begging to be killed and your selfish family who won't let him go because they can't bear the thought of it and won't make his one last wish come through.

@Evilwave Heddy Well, he isn't begging to be killed actually, he is just constantly stating he doesn't care about life anymore, but I believe he is afraid to die. Also, it's not that my family is being selfish on purpose, but just imagine how hard it is for my grandma to let go, who has been sharing her life with him for about 70 years...

On 20 de marzo de 2017 at 2:57 PM, egoeimai said:

What the hell?  Help him stay alive! Feed him and make him happy so that he forgets about death! Lol its obvious! 

Do take his words literally. He is very old and pll at his age talk bullshit sometime. Help him be happy!!!!

@egoeimai It's not that obvious actually... imagine to feed him you almost have to force-feed him and you are seeing that is not what he wants and he isn't enjoying it. Also, even after feeding him, he might feel just a little better, but he won't become strong and self-suficient again. I actually think it's sad that we, young and healthy people, don't take seriously what old people say just because it might not make sense to us... He is clear minded and knowns what he is saying, and he has reasons to be stating that.

On 21 de marzo de 2017 at 9:16 AM, ajasatya said:

@Mondsee put yourself in his place

I do! That's what I was thinking, maybe everyone around him isn't helping by giving him medicines and food against his will...

On 21 de marzo de 2017 at 11:17 AM, Toby said:

Is he in a state of depression and motivated by this? Or is he really fine and just is fine with transitioning?

@Toby Probably he is depressed, yeah. Imagine not being able to do absolutely anything for yourself because you are so weak, everyone around you are trying to feed you although you aren't hungry and trying to give you medicine to "get better" although it's pretty obvious you won't get better because your body is simply an old machine that has been working for too long, it's easy to get depressed. Maybe that is the reason why he just doesn't see any sense in living longer, because he senses that his existence represents no more than effort from others to help him.

@Annetta hahaha yeah! exactly!

@Vingger Oh... If I was only a little more of a connoisseur on the matter, I'd really give it a try...

[MattP]

That is really tough, while it seems like everyone is forcing your grandpa to stay alive when all he wants to do is die, I think it is because maybe they are not ready for him to die, especially your grandma. That sounds selfish but, (like you said) just imagine letting go of the person whom you have loved, and spent your life with for 70 years. That is a scary thought. Why wouldn't your grandma want to keep him alive? Part of her dies when he dies.

 Plus, how can you just let someone starve? If a person still has some life left in them, why not comfort them, feed them, take care of them, love them. They will die regardless when it is time.

Also, would you, or your grandma, or anyone else be able to deal with the guilt of just simply cutting off his lifeline and letting him die? Either way is not ideal; maybe find a happy medium.

Give him only the meds that provide him with the most comfort?

Maybe he will want to eat something tomorrow? At least try. 

Let him be in peace, and pain free for his passing. And comfort him til the end.

Wish for you and your family a peaceful, happy outcome.  

[Angelique]

Whe all be invited by death some day but I think if this is his decision and if this is what grandpa want they should accept this...

[Michael569]

Give him a sense of purpose, something positive in life. 

He sees that he has to be fed, he knows he can barely walk. Even in his age he realises that he has become a burden and he sees the way your family perceives him: "as old, fragile shadow of a human being" Of course he wants to die. 

Give him a sense of purpose. Talk to him, talk about his childhood, about his school years, about lives of your great grandparents. He may have thousands of stories to share. Make it a family night when he will talk and the others will listen. Damn, he lived through WW1 and WW2. Do this before all the great stories die with him. Very old people can give you incredible wisdom and mind blowing stories. it may even improve his brain health if you force him to think back into the past. 

People age and start to die rapidly when they lose a sense of purpose. 

 

 

 

[Richard Alpert]

Lets be real here.

Is life for a 91 year-old very sick person great? It´s a pure torture.

I would definitely cash out. He had a long life. In general, people should be let go of this world when they want to.

[Mondsee]

People, thank you for keep showing interest in this topic, but I'll let you know my grandpa passed about two months ago. He died in peace, and I was so happy for him he finally did. I do miss him, and I was sad, but really, the peace I felt for him was bigger than any other feeling I had.

This situation made me think a lot of how much the medicine has advanced, but the topic of dying with dignity hasn't received much attention. I guess maybe one day we'd be thankful if it did, only time will tell.

[egoeimai]

Grandpa ?

[Henrik_Sahlen]

 

In this talk a woman is explaining her situation which sounds pretty similar to the one you found yourself in. 
Even though your grandpa already passed, I thought it might help you and other people to deal with it, although I believe you already have a very mature perspective on it.  
May your grandpa rest in peace.
Much love.@Mondsee

[Mondsee]

@Henrik_Sahlen Thanks for sharing!

Those are nice words, and hopefully nice and helpful for someone going through a similar situation out there.

I'd just remind you that it is also helpful to contemplate on and actually notice the fact that we hold on to people egoistically and for our own interests and illusions. That maybe will be a more painful process than the peace state that the video suggests, but if you achieve a breakthrough you'll notice that you are no more or less with or without that person. I'd say same applies for relationships.