How many of you have no tolerance policy when it comes to cheating?

[Ajax]

I am curious what the community thinks about this issue. For me, there is no second chance. I am gone the second I find out. No discussion, no working it out, bye bye. Sayanora. Gone like a fart in the wind.

[MarkKol]

No tolerance, too many fish in the sea.

[Ajax]

42 minutes ago, MarkKol said:

No tolerance, too many fish in the sea.

Awesome man! That is admirable. ? No more headache, no more mess. Of course, some people have different cutting ties. That is the challenge.

[LSD-Rumi]

@Ajax why are you afraid your partner will cheat on you in the first place, especially a female partner? If your girlfriend or wife cheat on you, in 90% of cases, it is your fault. A woman will cheat on her partner if only her partner was boring and emotionally unfulfilling. Women are very loyal creatures, unlike men.

[Ajax]

@LSD-Rumi Great questions and awesome response.  Thank you for replying❤️

4 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

why are you afraid your partner will cheat on you in the first place, especially a female partner?

1. It's happened multiple times with different partners.

2. I tell her upfront, I will trust you 100%. I will give you any benefit of the doubt. I will not exhibit insecurities or jealousy at all. I keep my word.

3. You betray me you are dead to me.

4. Why do you say fear, I don't see how that fits in the equation.

16 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

If your girlfriend or wife cheat on you, in 90% of cases, it is your fault.

1. She decided to make the decision to cheat. She decided to hide things. She decided to act unethically.She decided to betray my trust.

2. I do accept the fact that I am eccentric and difficult to understand. I understand a relationship comes with a risk of betrayal. I do know my personality flaws.

3. I do understand the concept of taking 100% responsibility, which is why I am constantly learning and adjusting. It is why I am capable of trusting someone fully regardless of what happened in the past.

29 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

A woman will cheat on her partner if only her partner was boring and emotionally unfulfilling. Women are very loyal creatures, unlike men.

Well, that doesn't sound very loyal to me. At all. Are all women like that? If so, then it is a very good idea to never commit to a woman and just sleep with women on a whim. I would not wanna fall in love with someone like that. Nuh uh, not me... Hope they find their sucker lol

[LSD-Rumi]

32 minutes ago, Ajax said:

 

32 minutes ago, Ajax said:

You betray me you are dead to me.

4. Why do you say fear, I don't see how that fits in the equation.

Don't you see? Your statement is based on fear and insecurity in the first place. You shouldn't be telling any woman that in the first place.

@Ajax What's exactly that happens to you? Multiple women cheating on you? It is either of two:

• You have a very bad taste in women
• You have some bad traits that repulse these women

Because as I have said earlier most women are loyal creatures, it is in their genes, like the genes that make men cheat. Hell some women are loyal to men who beat them twice a week.

So I think you need to do some real self reflection and try to analyze what really is happening and causing all of this. If there is a theme, there is a cause and the cause is not that women like to cheat, they don't.

32 minutes ago, Ajax said:

Well, that doesn't sound very loyal to me. At all. Are all women like that? If so, then it is a very good idea to never commit to a woman and just sleep with women on a whim

A woman needs emotional fulfillment. If you don't provide here that, it is worse than not having a dick. Sex is secondary to women, emotional attraction comes first.

Would you for example, be loyal to a woman who gradually started ignoring your sexual needs or is repulsed from you when you try to hug her? and blames it on the job or the kids or her friends or something like that? How would you feel about that? You would cheat on her back or at least break up with her if you are direct. Why would you be loyal to such a woman in the first place.

It is more subtle when it comes to emotions but it is the same thing.

33 minutes ago, Ajax said:

It is why I am capable of trusting someone fully regardless of what happened in the past.

What does this mean? You didn't give second chances to some women, did you?

 

[Ajax]

1 hour ago, LSD-Rumi said:

Don't you see? Your statement is based on fear and insecurity in the first place. You shouldn't be telling any woman that in the first place.

No, I don't see. I understand a relationship is a set of agreements. Accordingly, if we officially start a relationship,  I want my most important set of  agreements to be crystal clear. I agree to be completely trusting, which means no jealousy or controlling behavior. Even if she goes out clubbing and comes home at 6 am. Or if she disappears for days at a time, I will give her the benefit of the doubt. I state my commitment once and only once over the course of the relationship.

So I don't see how it is based on fear, don't all relationships have ground rules?

1 hour ago, LSD-Rumi said:

• You have a very bad taste in women
• You have some bad traits that repulse these women

Hmmm interesting to consider.  A little of both. I guess, I am a bit eccentric. I can work or  get involved in something for days  to the point that I forget to eat. I am sometimes say a little too much what is on my mind, or not enough. it's a weird balance.  However, I do find it distressing that women find me odd to say the least. I can be quite charismatic when I need to be. Yet, I do have difficulty letting women know the real me and when I do, it is quite distressing that they would reject my personality.  I attempt to circumvent this by maintaining a routine by  tasks to complete that are supposed to be to be conducive to maintaining healthy relationships. Thus, I do frequent contemplation of proper and acceptable conduct several times a week..Thus, I do try to delete repulsive traits yet it becomes a point where it really does become inauthentic.

 

1 hour ago, LSD-Rumi said:

Would you for example, be loyal to a woman who gradually started ignoring your sexual needs or is repulsed from you when you try to hug her? and blames it on the job or the kids or her friends or something like that? How would you feel about that? You would cheat on her back or at least break up with her if you are direct. Why would you be loyal to such a woman in the first place.

I would say, I am unhappy. I'm leaving. I would not t ever betray her trust, and cheat... Ever. I am baffled, what kind of person would do that!

Edited June 25, 2023 by Ajax

[Ajax]

1 hour ago, LSD-Rumi said:

What does this mean? You didn't give second chances to some women, did you?

It means no baggage.. If current girlfriend, Sharon, has many male friends. I am not going to get upset if they hangout or go on a trip together.  Just because ex gf, Lola, used  constantly having sex and continually lie about having sex with her friends.

[Yimpa]

My girlfriend once found out that I was cheating. We had an honest, painful, discussion about it, which led to forgiveness and maturity of our relationship. 

[LSD-Rumi]

3 hours ago, Ajax said:

It means no baggage.. If current girlfriend, Sharon, has many male friends. I am not going to get upset if they hangout or go on a trip together.  Just because ex gf, Lola, used  constantly having sex and continually lie about having sex with her friends.

Very cool and mature from you. Looks like your main problem is these weird states that you get into after establishing a relationship. You should work on this problem, with therapisty, a psychiatrist or a doctor.

 

4 hours ago, Ajax said:

would say, I am unhappy. I'm leaving. I would not t ever betray her trust, and cheat... Ever. I am baffled, what kind of person would do that!

Of course, I would do the same, but some people don't sometimes, or maybe cheating become their sign, that this relationship should be ended. You see, The main problem is not cheating, it is what lead to cheating. In many cases, women do cheat to get emotional fullfillment that they don't recieve from their partners, and then they feel guilty about it but cannot end the cylcle until they get busted. They simply should have pursed another relationship which provides their needs. 

[LSD-Rumi]

4 hours ago, Ajax said:

It means no baggage.. If current girlfriend, Sharon, has many male friends. I am not going to get upset if they hangout or go on a trip together.  Just because ex gf, Lola, used  constantly having sex and continually lie about having sex with her friends.

Very cool and mature from you. Looks like your main problem is these weird states that you get into after establishing a relationship. You should work on this problem, with therapisty, a psychiatrist or a doctor.

 

4 hours ago, Ajax said:

would say, I am unhappy. I'm leaving. I would not t ever betray her trust, and cheat... Ever. I am baffled, what kind of person would do that!

Of course, I would do the same, but some people don't sometimes, or maybe cheating become their sign, that this relationship should be ended. You see, The main problem is not cheating, it is what lead to cheating. In many cases, women do cheat to get emotional fullfillment that they don't recieve from their partners, and then they feel guilty about it but cannot end the cylcle until they get busted. They simply should have pursed another relationship which provides their needs. 

Sorry if my previous responses were hrash or not respectful enough, I do have my own problems to work on too 

[Spiral]

In theory yes, however if I have kids with this woman things get more complicated.

[Ajax]

6 hours ago, LSD-Rumi said:

Sorry if my previous responses were hrash or not respectful enough, I do have my own problems to work on too 

Not at all, believe me I am much, much more harsh and disrespectful of my own thoughts, Ideas and conclusions. I look to break them down and rebuild them, so I appreciate the feedback. I would not have put this subject out here if I did not expect or want at least one insightful viewpoint. An old saying: Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to... No if I can get my friends and partners to follow that rule

@Spiral @Yimpa Thank you for sharing. What if you put you entire trust in someone. I mean everything. Relationships is based on trust and every facet of that relationship is based on that trust. Complete and utter faith. To the point that if that trust is shattered, so is everything about that relationship. Reduced to rubble and smashed into ash. How can you stay if there is no relationship? What in the world is there to discuss? What was is no longer, it is gone. Nonexistant.

[Schizophonia]

I don't care, my girlfriend could cheat on me, it wouldn't matter to me. I would leave her so that people don't see me as "the one who agrees to be deceived" but that's it.
It's all a mind game.

[Tenebroso]

Zero tolerance regardless of the reason, I don't understand men who stay.

[NoSelfSelf]

Someone who accepts cheating dont value themselves, they will racionalize it to cope with the fact there is no self love present...

[Recursoinominado]

Zero tolerance.

And cheating doesn't even need to come to sex, may be flirting or something like this.

[Schizophonia]

17 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Someone who accepts cheating dont value themselves, they will racionalize it to cope with the fact there is no self love present...

What does this change?
If your girlfriend is cheating on you but you don't know it, your relationship will be the same.
It's just that people are weak and like the illusion of having a person assigned entirely to them, it meets atavistic needs.
But this is only an illusion.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Schizophonia Go love yourself ❤ that will change everything...

[Ajax]

1 hour ago, Schizophonia said:

I would leave her so that people don't see me as "the one who agrees to be deceived" but that's it.
 

What? Why?

35 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

If your girlfriend is cheating on you but you don't know it, your relationship will be the same.
It's just that people are weak and like the illusion of having a person assigned entirely to them, it meets atavistic needs.
But this is only an illusion.

 I have been studying deeply into Agreements. Very Deep subject by the way.  It is the core component of any relationship. From animate to inanimate/ material/immaterial. 

Why do you think the relationship is the same? I don't get it. If you value truth, you don't appreciate lies. If truth is one of your core values and the one you allow to be closest to you is creating lies, well not only is your relationship being based on your lies, but you are being separated from your core values. The way you choose to live your life. Why?

Weak? What do you mean by that? Could you explain.  

Like the idea of having a person assigned entirely to them? Please explain...  Where did you get that idea? Who told you that? Why?  How did you come up with that idea? 

It is curious and I would like to explore more.