Am I the only one who's really struggling on dates?

[Kid A]

I rarely see anybody make threads about this, which kind of concerns me...

It seems like the big problem for most people is to actually get dates. For me this is not a problem at all. For me, the big problem is succeeding at the dates I go on. It took me around 40 dates until I finally found a girl who liked me back. Things have been going better since then, but most of my dates still fail. Flirting is usually nearly impossible, since the girl usually doesn't flirt back at all and just seems to want to have a regular logical conversation. Is this normal?  

One thing I find very undercommunicated is the difference between how a man should act during a cold approach vs. on an actual date. My impression is that most of pickup advise goes out the window on dates. I have for example seen infield videos by Todd V (who seems to have a pretty high standing on this forum) where he's picking up girls and videos where he's being on dates, and he acts completely different.   

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rQ_tli2onA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F40Iy1opWFI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o58mobKfDvI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkfXuIIfULU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzKZeaCa9lc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wESfjbfaNyA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHb0gp7j3pI

 

[Kid A]

@Raze Thanks, man! I’m gonna watch them all.

[Ajax]

I can't evaluate your dating techniques since I am not there to watch them.

You mentioned logical conversations... Hmm that flashes a warning light in my mind. Would you provide examples of how these conversations typically go?

A helpful tip to keep in mind is that a date should require very little thinking and a great deal observing. You should keep most of your time on her. Pay attention to her non verbal cues. It would be time well spent to study the awesome threads on body language that are on this forum. You should pay attention to signs of interest or let her initiate subtle flirting.

 

Other than that, dating is the time to get to know her. Your job is to keep the conversation light and fun. Being funny is a major plus. There are many other things to cover but, it's time for me to stop!

[Kid A]

9 hours ago, Ajax said:

I can't evaluate your dating techniques since I am not there to watch them.

You mentioned logical conversations... Hmm that flashes a warning light in my mind. Would you provide examples of how these conversations typically go?

A helpful tip to keep in mind is that a date should require very little thinking and a great deal observing. You should keep most of your time on her. Pay attention to her non verbal cues. It would be time well spent to study the awesome threads on body language that are on this forum. You should pay attention to signs of interest or let her initiate subtle flirting.

 

Other than that, dating is the time to get to know her. Your job is to keep the conversation light and fun. Being funny is a major plus. There are many other things to cover but, it's time for me to stop!

They will usually be very eager to talk about dry topics such as studies and interests, but if I for example flirtatiously tell them something I like about them, they will be like: "Thank you," and look uncomfortable.

To get better at observing is probably a great advice. Eye contact is something I struggle with. The natural thing for me is to look her in the eyes all the time, but I keep hearing that too much eye contact is bad, so I have to look away manually all the time, which steals a lot of focus and probably comes off as a little weird...

I think I'm above average funny, so that's probably not a problem, but I may be wrong... 

[Spiral]

You should not try to have a “regular logical conversation”.

Furthermore it’s better to flirt as oppose to telling them something you like about them. Doing the latter creates needlessly strong tension, or more specifically you create tension without an outlet for it. This in turn will create an awkward feeling.

There is of course exceptions,  but generally I would be minimalistic with compliments communicated through none flirtatious means, at least early in dating.

Edited June 24, 2023 by Spiral

[Ajax]

1 hour ago, Kid A said:

but if I for example flirtatiously tell them something I like about them, they will be like: "Thank you," and look uncomfortable.

Compliments can make you feel uncomfortable.  A complement comes with an expectation or obligation to respond, which makes things awkward. I you use a complement; it should be mixed with a joke or immediately move on to a different subject, because it will give her the opportunity laugh it away, or not have to directly respond to the complement by moving on to a different subject.

[Kid A]

I have to show interest, but I can't give compliments, I can't talk the way it feels natural to talk (which is logical talking), I have to worry about not offending them when I'm teasing (which has happened too many times in the past), I have to look away manually all the time to not have too much eye contact, and at the same time I'm supposed to always have something to say. Not to mention being authentic, which in the past has proven to be the most important principial for my parts. 

Dating has got to be the most advanced thing in the entire universe 

I really appreciate the help though!

Edited June 24, 2023 by Kid A

[mr_engineer]

6 hours ago, Kid A said:

They will usually be very eager to talk about dry topics such as studies and interests, but if I for example flirtatiously tell them something I like about them, they will be like: "Thank you," and look uncomfortable.

Don't approach 'good girls'. They tend to be repressed, sexually. They will talk about whatever they know about, i.e. whatever will get them social approval. But, they will not be themselves on the date. And, you should see that as a red-flag. 

They're doing this out of insecurity. It's not the insecurity itself that's the issue, it's what they're doing about it. If they're unconsciously seeking validation to fill that void, red-flag. 

You want someone who is genuinely smart and who actually has some wisdom to share with you. Then, you will have a strong connection. The 'hook-point' that Leo talks about in his 'How to get laid' series will be deeper. Then you'll hit it off with them. 

[Tenebroso]

@mr_engineer Good point about 'good girls'.  They are often hypocritical and repressed and actually the cause of a lot of the confusion in the dating game. More interested in preserving a certain self image than connecting.

[Ajax]

5 hours ago, Kid A said:

Dating has got to be the most advanced thing in the entire universe 

To answer the  subject title of this thread: You are not alone in your struggle to date. In fact, this is one of the big reasons why Red Pill Philosophy  and MGTOW are getting more popular with some men. They have had enough of all the trouble! The sad thing is that RP often does get them laid or at least see enough potential and they buy into it.

Many men just don't care anymore, they feel the game is rigged and they can't win no matter what they do.

Dating isn't even the hardest part. Not even close. It can get much, much worse.

It freaking sucks lol.

I have som Norwegian friends and they are importing women from like Korea and the Philippines, lol and they are pretty happy.

[mr_engineer]

2 hours ago, Ajax said:

Many men just don't care anymore, they feel the game is rigged and they can't win no matter what they do.

The game is, in fact, rigged. And this is because feminism makes women less sexy, less desirable long-term. More masculine, less feminine. The independence-thing is really screwing up dating. Dating is becoming ever more competitive for men because under the existing system, women want richer and richer men. Because it's only the rich men who can give them a lifestyle that they can't already afford on their own. This is not only because the economy is harder, it's also because of feminism. You literally cannot win with the average 'modern woman' for this reason. 

So, now, men get two options. They either have to compete in this competitive dating-marketplace, or they change the rules completely. And, by changing the rules, I mean, change the definition of 'relationship'. The gender-roles will have to change. And, for the new system to work better, what you have to do is you have to find your authentic masculine expression. Then, you have to figure out the qualities you want in a woman to complement you. Then, you design a system that works for you. This is how you bypass the competition that redpillers talk about. And, the catch is that she should have a proper understanding of masculinity and femininity, she should have a relationship-vision that she's working towards and it should align with yours. This is why you look into dating New-Age women. 

The average 'modern woman' is too 'independent' to know what 'love' even means. The ones who have any idea about it, are 'good girls' who give a 'mom-vibe'. This is a serious problem, because 'love' is a core pillar of feminine wisdom. It gives meaning to a feminine individual's life, the way 'truth' gives meaning to a masculine individual's life. When the center of gravity of women's consciousness is this low, you need a woman who is actively working on raising her level of consciousness relative to this stuff. Especially relative to masculinity and femininity, who has an accurate understanding of them. 

[integral]

On 6/23/2023 at 5:53 PM, Kid A said:

Things have been going better since then, but most of my dates still fail. Flirting is usually nearly impossible, since the girl usually doesn't flirt back at all and just seems to want to have a regular logical conversation. Is this normal?  

I don't flirt at all in any situation and always get the girl. Its about figuring out how there mind works, understanding what there deep need is and giving it to them. Most woman find flirting cheap, it needs to be executed to well thats its unrealistic. What flirting really looks like now a days playful banter and humor, thats about all is needed.

If you approach a date with the intention to figure out how her mind works like a psychologist would by being genuinely interested in the workings of her mind + making her feel 100% comfortable with you to talk about anything + being playful with humor = success. 

Edited June 25, 2023 by integral

[NoSelfSelf]

I dont see how you can fail and why does it matter if she likes you or not.

You saying that, shows me your mindset is not in the right place for you as a man...

Edited June 25, 2023 by NoSelfSelf

[Kid A]

I was diagnosed with Asperger's today. I guess the mystery is finally solved...

[Raze]

55 minutes ago, Kid A said:

I was diagnosed with Asperger's today. I guess the mystery is finally solved...

https://www.girlschase.com/article/why-autistic-people-struggle-dating-mind-blindness
 

https://www.girlschase.com/comment/243

[The0Self]

On 6/23/2023 at 5:53 PM, Kid A said:

Todd V (who seems to have a pretty high standing on this forum)

🤣 

Stop!

My sides! 🤣 😣 😩 

Seriously though… That hurts to be reminded of that. Holy crap. I know he gets traction among unsuspecting people, but I’ve avoided actually helping his victims because 1. it’s just too painful, and 2. they generally don’t listen.

Listen very carefully:

Be fun and lighthearted and very not-serious. Say whatever comes to mind. Do not worry about the possibility that anything could possibly go wrong — to do otherwise would be serious… Serious = pussy repellant. Showcase what’s awesome about you in passing without appearing try hard. Most importantly: sexualize from the very beginning (e.g. any time she says today was hard or long, obviously turn that sexual; smile and confidently say “oh do you like it when it’s hard/long?”  etc). Mindset: Assume that someone told you before the date that they talked to her, and she’s definitely fucking you tonight.

If she won’t fuck you, you didn’t get her horny enough to break her rule — many have a 3 date rule before sex, so don’t worry if all you get is a kiss or even an attempted kiss or kiss/makeout/bj. By the 4th though, may want to ensure you’re dating other girls because most will sleep with you on date 1 or at least 2.

If you fuck extremely well, that should be quite a bit of fuel for your confidence. You should be fucking extremely well. Research how to fuck better. Stimulate g spot and clit at same time — one with each hand. Go to fucking town with you dick and your whole body, with her whole entire body. Different speeds; make her cum in multiple positions. Communicate — if she likes when you bite or squeeze her nipples, or anything else, keep doing some of that. Girls want passionate, awesome guys.

Edited November 8, 2023 by The0Self

[The0Self]

On 6/24/2023 at 3:00 PM, Kid A said:

I have to worry about not offending them when I'm teasing

Then you’re dead in the fucking water. Fix that.

I feel your pain, but yeah, there’s a lot more to come if you don’t fix that.

Edited November 8, 2023 by The0Self

[Felliks]

40 dates mate you definitely don't have fun.

[Raze]

17 hours ago, The0Self said:

🤣 

Stop!

My sides! 🤣 😣 😩 

 

…You literally recommend John Anthony, who has been proven to use prostitutes to lie about his lay count and scam and harass students lol