Need help

[Gabith]

Hello,

My name is Gabriel, I'm 30 years old.

Every day since I was a teenager, I've had thoughts about torture. The images and dialogues are 

- infinite possibilities of how to be tortured.

- thinking about all those who are being tortured now, knowing that it's me

- knowing that I am Everything and that I see through every eye & that there IS endless ways to be tortured and will be even worse when science will be able to keep humans alive in the worst conditions ever

There's also a great fear of being tortured in this dream that I identify with now. I've already tried to let go of that many times, sometimes I stay with my presence and everything's fine because I'm not bothered by all these thoughts and fears. I can do that in the evening in my garden because it's the only time I'm not engaged with survival, during the day I must play the game to have money and pay my bills. And it's really hard to stay in my presence during activities and interactions with "others". 

Sometimes I really wish I hadn't woken up, so I wouldn't know that I am everyone.

I can't accept the inevitability of what it is to be God... Living forever and living through all the worst things that happen and will happen

I'm really lost because suicide isn't a solution (no eternal rest and no end...) there's no escape to this and I cannot accept this, it burns me 

Can you help me please?

 

Much love

Edited June 19, 2023 by Gabith

[WeCome1]

Here you go.

[Ulax]

@Gabith Hey mate,

Perhaps, Jordan Peterson's Past Authoring journaling programme could be of value to you.

[Holykael]

I struggle with this too. There's no escaping it unfortunately. God is evil we just need to make peace with it.

[Breakingthewall]

I was also very afraid and what I did was expose myself to situations that were as intimidating and hard as possible, to be able to face that.

It is something normal  be afraid since we live in an artificial hyper-protected environment and if you are minimally penetrating you realize that the reality of life is much harsher, so much so that you are not even remotely prepared for it, we live like babies in the cradle, so only if you are an idiot you are not afraid.

[Someone here]

-Mindfulness meditation daily .

-Shifting focus from negative thoughts to positive thoughts.

  Because you are the creator of your reality .how would you like to create it ?

[Gabith]

@Someone here I don't believe i'm creating my Reality. I used to be in law of attraction stuffs for years. 
But after observing the mind, I cannot believe I have free-will, I don't even know what thought will appears in 5 seconds. Thoughts just happens, Reality is happening and the "I"  thinking that it can control thoughts or what happens is an illusion. 

Life is happening second by second in front of my eyes, people walk, talk, do their things in the NOW, how could I control/create anything ? It's already created, I'm just watching. 

 

Also thinking I have control on what I think or how I perceive what's happening seems neurotic. It's like positive thinking stuffs, you're hard on yourself because you didn't act or respond in a positive way, because you got angry at someone, because you had negative thoughts on a situation, etc... it's harmful to want to control the dream 

Edited June 19, 2023 by Gabith

[Breakingthewall]

@Gabith 

It's very simple, you have to understand the challenge of being alive, and fully accept it. If not, you will always be afraid. life is wild

[Gabith]

I've realized I know the answer to go through this issue of fear of being tortured.

I just have to surrender to this and if I can't surrender to the inevitability of me, I can simply focus on my breath through all the day to "remain on the Throne", because when I'm present there is no more engaging in stories, images & dialogues. So there's peace of mind. 

Sorry for bothering you guys 

[ChrisZoZo]

I may be wrong but it looks like reality is trapped you in a corner. Making It so that the only way to be in this physical form and to not suffer the tortures of your mind. Is to transcend the mind. Maybe you really have no choice. And when you have no choice it’s becomes easy. 
 

One day when the ego mind had no power with in me. I could see the beauty of consciousness. I could see the consciousness was completely unlimited and no matter how horrible of a scenario It could imagine it could integrate it into something more beautiful than how much it is horrible.  Live in this and you will not be in torture. 

Edited June 19, 2023 by ChrisZoZo

[Gabith]

@ChrisZoZo Thank you 

[Osaid]

Ever since I was a teenager, the TV in my living room was always displaying scenes of torture and murder. 

I couldn't stop watching what was on the TV. I mean, what if the stuff in the TV happened to me one day? Everyone will go through something like that some day, right? If not in this life time, I will reincarnate into some other life, and what is happening in the TV will happen to me anyways. I can't bear the burden of having what is happening on the TV happen to me. There are many shows on the TV about reincarnation, so it's entirely possible that I would be transported to that type of reality as well. After all, there are no limits to reality.

I could try commiting suicide to try and prevent what is happening inside the TV from happening to me, but I am here for eternity, so that won't work.

Oh god, is there ANY way to escape from what is happening in the TV? It's impossible. 
 

[ChrisZoZo]

@Gabith no problem ?

[gettoefl]

i would say only feed your consciousness with positive content

good reading, good music, good company, good vibes, good food

this is an old thread with some good love tunes

 

 

[Gabith]

@Breakingthewall Do you have examples of situations you consciously endured ? 
Would you recommand me to expose myself to hard situations ? 

[Someone here]

7 hours ago, Gabith said:

@Someone here I don't believe i'm creating my Reality. I used to be in law of attraction stuffs for years. 
But after observing the mind, I cannot believe I have free-will, I don't even know what thought will appears in 5 seconds. Thoughts just happens, Reality is happening and the "I"  thinking that it can control thoughts or what happens is an illusion. 

Life is happening second by second in front of my eyes, people walk, talk, do their things in the NOW, how could I control/create anything ? It's already created, I'm just watching. 

 

Also thinking I have control on what I think or how I perceive what's happening seems neurotic. It's like positive thinking stuffs, you're hard on yourself because you didn't act or respond in a positive way, because you got angry at someone, because you had negative thoughts on a situation, etc... it's harmful to want to control the dream 

I can totally relate.i will give you example..You are eating something and it tastes terrible to you..I tell you stop eating it.. and you say well I don't have free will. 

 Stop and think, if it tastes terrible, why offer it to others? Why are you focusing on it to begin with? Why not choose a better feeling perspective? Why not focus on anything else that feels good to you? And offer that? When you do, the world becomes your oyster. 

You had a realization there isn’t a separate self “in the body”. There are people who have realized they are literally the entire universe and even well beyond, and they are playing with it, having a blast, and receiving all that they are wanting. This is presented to you, and you immediately dismiss it, look for all it’s fault’s, 

Stop and slow down. You’re experiencing what you’re attracting. You tend to meet being told that with mockery, cynicism, and you go into made up objective examples, to deflect from looking at your own inner self talk & behaviors.  You gotta notice when that happens, because it’s you “going unconscious” so to speak. These ‘should’ be the very things you are desiring to become more conscious of. 

[Breakingthewall]

3 hours ago, Gabith said:

@Breakingthewall Do you have examples of situations you consciously endured ? 
Would you recommand me to expose myself to hard situations ? 

Yes i recommend you, without a doubt. spirituality is going over fear. not all practices should be mental, sometimes you have to go to the physical. think of something that really scares you, and do it seriously. there are many activities, climbing, martial arts, the sea. if you want results, you must be serious. obviously not to the level of torture or medieval battle, but serious enough to make it really hard, breaking your limits, until you don't need to do it. 

[Yimpa]

 

[Yimpa]

11 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

Yes i recommend you, without a doubt. spirituality is going over fear. not all practices should be mental, sometimes you have to go to the physical. think of something that really scares you, and do it seriously. there are many activities, climbing, martial arts, the sea. if you want results, you must be serious. obviously not to the level of torture or medieval battle, but serious enough to make it really hard, breaking your limits, until you don't need to do it. 

You’ve explained ERP therapy exceptionally well, especially for someone who isn’t a therapist or has never went to school for a psychology degree (I’m assuming).

Great work!

[Breakingthewall]

17 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

You’ve explained ERP therapy exceptionally well, especially for someone who isn’t a therapist or has never went to school for a psychology degree (I’m assuming).

Great work!

Thanks. I guess that it's a therapy of exposure. I think it is important to address fears in this way, since we all grow up in very protected environments. Neurosis is the norm, not the exception