How do I deal with other people's pain.

[Princess Arabia]

I've noticed ever since Spirituality has been a part of my life, I've become more sensitive. It's been about 4yrs now. From what I've understood about empaths, I think I'm one based on how I know myself to be. I've always been sensitive; but Spirituality has heightened my sensitivity to the point where whenever I encounter someone who is suffering, I find it bothers me immensely and I can feel what they're feeling. Not sensitive to the point of being emotional and out of control where I cannot control my emotions; but feeling the mental strain of the other person and wanting to do something about it while feeling helpless. Even when I'm aware it's just their mental construct that's causing their suffering and it's not real, it still bothers me that they have to go through that experience. My own suffering has diminished immensely within the last few years because I've understood more about how the mind works and learning to spot how I'm creating my own suffering has made me more aware of how to control my thinking patterns. 

It could be just reading someone's post online about the suffering they're experiencing that can cause me to become sad. It's not that's it controlling my life or anything like that, but I would like to be able to get to a point where, without being less compassionate, I can observe the suffering of others without letting it bother me to the point of sometimes crying and saying to myself "why does life have to be this way". My understanding is that suffering is a part of God's plan to awaken itself, but that still doesn't make me feel any better. If I go to the mental health section of this forum to read posts, I have to click off quickly because I start to absorb the energy there and feel what they're feeling and unable to even finish reading any posts that are particularly sad to read. I cannot even watch those abused animals and starving children commercials on TV anymore. This only lasts for a few moments interim but it's painful to watch, nonetheless. 

Empaths have this to deal with this normally, but it has gotten worse after the introduction to Spirituality, and I'm aware I have to learn more about protecting my energy because it can get draining if undealt with. Any suggestions on how to process this. Sometimes I even wonder if it's some unprocessed trauma within me that I'm unaware of that's causing this; but I'm not aware of anything that has traumatized me nor am I going through any major traumatic events of my own, just the normal bullshit that most people go through in life which I'm learning to deal with. It's not a major set -back; but I would still like to hear from anyone knowledgeable enough to guide me on how to deal with this issue. 

 

[Dauntment]

Amazing, I immediately intuited that the poster must be a woman when I saw the title. I experience something very similar (although I have observed that I have a "switch"; I can feel EVERYTHING or NOTHING) but I have moved on this as a kernel for my life purpose, if you will. I wouldn't say that I am nihilistic but I am IMMENSELY more motivated to "go out and do things" by holding these understood negative feelings of others. Perhaps masculinity & femininity may play a role in regards to mobilizing based on the pain of others. I'd definitely recommend trying to channel the emotions into contributing back to society somehow that best suits you.

[ted73104]

I agree with Dauntment. I would also implement an on/off switch to the folks in an unfortunate situation. Yes, keep the ability to understand and feel their situation from their standpoint. But also be able to switch back to your own level and not think about them when you are moving forward on your own path.

[Leo Gura]

Here's what you do: You just sit and feel the suffering and don't try to fix the other person.

Learn to feel it and do nothing.

And at some point, become conscious that feeling that suffering is something you're choosing to do. And you can choose to stop it. Nowhere is it written that you must feel it.

Edited June 19, 2023 by Leo Gura

[gettoefl]

every bit of consciousness pain i observe within or without is for my benefit and my evolution

it was sent to me to heal me and disabuse me of attachment, illusion, pride ... another piece of the jigsaw puzzle

i enjoy giving the gift of presence but you have to do you and i have to do me

i am happy to speak how i do me if the other enquires

i am no missionary savior evangelist partisan, some smart well regarded role model who has life figured out

[integral]

Its a misconception that empaths need to tune into only the negative parts of other peoples experience. If you have the ability to tune into the negative then you can tune into the positive. 

Edited June 19, 2023 by integral

[Princess Arabia]

5 hours ago, ted73104 said:

I agree with Dauntment. I would also implement an on/off switch to the folks in an unfortunate situation. Yes, keep the ability to understand and feel their situation from their standpoint. But also be able to switch back to your own level and not think about them when you are moving forward on your own path.

I'm talking about how not to feel it to begin with. I have no problems moving on and switching back, it's the initial moment/s when I feel like I'm the one going through it while reading/hearing it that gets daunting; but it doesn't linger once I remove myself from that experience. If it's really bad It might linger for a little bit, but there's so much suffering that goes on in our society that it starts all over again and doesn't take long for it to come back. That's why I stop watching the news and don't hang out too much with negative people because their energy drains me. But I'm trying. Thanks for your input.

[LSD-Rumi]

Spirituality like your experience made me feel other's pain tremendously. This may affected me negatively at first, but then spirituality taught me to be cold as a rock. I am now a very warm person but also very cold at the same time. I just accept that suffering is part of life and in many situations we cannot do something about it. The trick is not trying to eliminate others suffering, you just feel it and accept it.

[Princess Arabia]

6 hours ago, Dauntment said:

Amazing, I immediately intuited that the poster must be a woman when I saw the title. I experience something very similar (although I have observed that I have a "switch"; I can feel EVERYTHING or NOTHING) but I have moved on this as a kernel for my life purpose, if you will. I wouldn't say that I am nihilistic but I am IMMENSELY more motivated to "go out and do things" by holding these understood negative feelings of others. Perhaps masculinity & femininity may play a role in regards to mobilizing based on the pain of others. I'd definitely recommend trying to channel the emotions into contributing back to society somehow that best suits you.

 

6 hours ago, Dauntment said:

Amazing, I immediately intuited that the poster must be a woman when I saw the title. I experience something very similar (although I have observed that I have a "switch"; I can feel EVERYTHING or NOTHING) but I have moved on this as a kernel for my life purpose, if you will. I wouldn't say that I am nihilistic but I am IMMENSELY more motivated to "go out and do things" by holding these understood negative feelings of others. Perhaps masculinity & femininity may play a role in regards to mobilizing based on the pain of others. I'd definitely recommend trying to channel the emotions into contributing back to society somehow that best suits you.

Thank you. I try to be uplifting to people by being positive around them, while not suppressing my own negative feelings as a price, and turning things around to make them see another perspective on what they're viewing as negative. I've had people tell me I've made them react differently to certain situations that they would previously react to negatively. E.g road rage or someone pissing them off. They would say because of how I told them to handle it they thought about it and didn't let it bother them. I'm better at giving good advice to people than taking my own, I guess it's because I'm in my own trap and it's easier to free other people from the trap when you're not in it. It's my own trap that I need to free myself from; and as, I've learnt, I have to go meta for that. I know that from changing one person you can impact many. Thank you for your input.

[Princess Arabia]

6 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

Spirituality like your experience made me feel other's pain tremendously. This may affected me negatively at first, but then spirituality taught me to be cold as a rock. I am now a very warm person but also very cold at the same time. I just accept that suffering is part of life and in many situations we cannot do something about it. The trick is not trying to eliminate others suffering, you just feel it and accept it.

Thank you

[Princess Arabia]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Here's what you do: You just sit and feel the suffering and don't try to fix the other person.

Learn to feel it and do nothing.

And at some point, become conscious that feeling that suffering is something you're choosing to do. And you can choose to stop it. Nowhere is it written that you must feel it.

It's hard while its happening but I'll try. I just don't want to suppress my feelings to a point where I become cold. I guess I have to learn how to decipher between being "cold" and not letting something bother me and choosing thoughts that correlates to that dynamic. It's not so much trying to fix, but more of feeling the pain as if it's mine. But, as you said, try to see how I'm choosing to do that and learning how to not make that choice....it's the how that's challenging. Thanks, Leo.

[Princess Arabia]

42 minutes ago, integral said:

Its a misconception that empaths need to tune into only the negative parts of other peoples experience. If you have the ability to tune into the negative then you can tune into the positive. 

Yeah, she's right. I did feel unsafe as a child, even though consciously it doesn't affect me now; but I know the subconscious is a different story that's why it's below your conscious mind, hidden deep within, controlling our emotions and feelings. I'm like the one who, if someone says it's raining out, ugg that sucks, ill be like, well at least it's not snowing; or it's hot out, well it could be freezing, and then they'll look at me like, can I please enjoy my "miserableness". I love Teal Swan...haven't watched her in a while, tho.

[Princess Arabia]

35 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

Spirituality like your experience made me feel other's pain tremendously. This may affected me negatively at first, but then spirituality taught me to be cold as a rock. I am now a very warm person but also very cold at the same time. I just accept that suffering is part of life and in many situations we cannot do something about it. The trick is not trying to eliminate others suffering, you just feel it and accept it.

I think I've realized after making this post that it's the feeling I'm running from, and when I see others suffering, apart from being an empath and can feel other people's emotions, I don't like to see or feel their suffering because I don't like to feel mine. It's about detaching from outcome and less about controlling outcome. Surrendering, which I'm learning how to do. Thank you.

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, gettoefl said:

every bit of consciousness pain i observe within or without is for my benefit and my evolution

it was sent to me to heal me and disabuse me of attachment, illusion, pride ... another piece of the jigsaw puzzle

i enjoy giving the gift of presence but you have to do you and i have to do me

i am happy to speak how i do me if the other enquires

i am no missionary savior evangelist partisan, some smart well regarded role model who has life figured out

I am realizing this and working on it. I try to save others before saving myself; and like the airplane motto, put your mask on before helping others, I see the importance of this because you help by being the example. Thank you for sharing and you can share how you do you, if you so wish.

[Yimpa]

Become more adept at observing subtler and subtler emotions and attachments. This may seem contradictory, as if this will promote looking for more problems. However, notice how it’s already the case that your mind is dictating the narrative without your consent. 

It’s possible to learn to respond to life’s ever-changing nature in ways that align more with your highest values, rather than to constantly become a victim to it. 

[Princess Arabia]

4 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Become more adept at observing subtler and subtler emotions and attachments. This may seem contradictory, as if this will promote looking for more problems. However, notice how it’s already the case that your mind is dictating the narrative without your consent. 

It’s possible to learn to respond to life’s ever-changing nature in ways that align more with your highest values, rather than to constantly become a victim to it. 

No, I get it. I get what you're saying. I've expanded my awareness of knowing who I truly am (the observer) but embodying that knowing is a challenge because of the conditioning of the mind and societal programming. Knowing this is 50% of the battle and, as my signature says, you will always lose the battle if you fight against life. I guess my response to life should be to ignore what doesn't serve me and to align with what does. Thanks for your input. I don't feel like a victim, tho. 

[Leo Gura]

@Princess Arabia I dare you to be cold.

Beware of idiot compassion.

Edited June 19, 2023 by Leo Gura

[StarStruck]

If you are an empath you are attuned to other people’s emotional bodies and to a lesser extent to your own emotional body. If you sit at home stressing about other people’s problems you aren’t fixing their problems. You are just medicating yourself with stress hormones so you have to choose for yourself and attune to yourself. Rich people have this habit of not being attuned to others and just living in their bubble, and that creates wealth and health which benefits all. You have only so much attention and energy. Don’t waste it on grief porn. 

Edited June 19, 2023 by StarStruck

[Princess Arabia]

3 hours ago, StarStruck said:

If you are an empath you are attuned to other people’s emotional bodies and to a lesser extent to your own emotional body. If you sit at home stressing about other people’s problems you aren’t fixing their problems. You are just medicating yourself with stress hormones so you have to choose for yourself and attune to yourself. Rich people have this habit of not being attuned to others and just living in their bubble, and that creates wealth and health which benefits all. You have only so much attention and energy. Don’t waste it on grief porn. 

Grief porn...lol...youre too funny. 

[Princess Arabia]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Princess Arabia I dare you to be cold.

Beware of idiot compassion.

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