How to be happy without relationships, neediness

[Cocolove]

I notice I've had a habit of being very happy when im in a relationship. But without it, I am often depressed until I get into another one. I've made lots of progress on this just by sitting with my emotions when I would usually use a relationship to suppress them, and working on self-actualization, but I would really like to fix this so I can feel great on my own and eventually have a healthy relationship. 

I am also needy, obviously the same issue. Also trying to deal with a breakup of a 3 year relationship that happened 5 months ago. We still hang out and I really want to make things work we just can't seem to have a healthy relationship right now. Whether it leads to us having a healthy relationship or helps me get over this and stop being constantly heartbroken, I feel like I need to do more than just spirituality, life purpose, and all that and directly focus on it. I think sitting with the emotions I don't want to feel really gets to the root of the issue in a way, but also I think it would be good to approach it from the psychological childhood trauma angle. Pretty opposed to therapy just because I feel like i can usually do things better and know more with all this self-actualization shit.

A book recommendation on this would be great, or videos or anything you think would specifically address this

[Cocolove]

wtf why did chatgpt just reply this in response to the question above^

"YouTube Channel: Actualized.org - This channel covers a wide range of topics related to personal growth, self-actualization, and finding happiness."

[NoSelfSelf]

@Cocolove No book no AI can answer that, you depending on outside authorities and then you losing trust in yourself, see yourself as the one who can solve it yourself, anything else is just a little guide like this one to help you just see in what direction to look at, find the answer in yourself get rid of the notion some book will help it wont because you are unique and there is no book made on you...

I would say you needy because of this also...

[puporing]

imo a great relationship is something on the same level as a miracle, if you also kept working on yourself. It's much better/more realistic for your mental health imo to assume that is going to be rare than to assume you'll find one quickly.

Edited June 16, 2023 by puporing

[integral]

It depends where your at in life, if you 20 and pursuing a career then relationships seems far less important and your keeping your self busie all day. If your at home doing nothing or comfortable with your life situation then its easy to start to become lonely and seek a relationship. 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzeXRDUk1ds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIsy_HSHkKo

 

[Cocolove]

@NoSelfSelf hm good advice thank you i definetely need to contemplate this more. I just think a book would be good as specific psychological issues can be tricky and techniques can help.

 @integral yea im 21 working a decent amount on my life purpose and self actualization. but that just never brings me the level of fufillment a relationship can.

I've watched some julien videos on this topic, ive already seen the other you shared.@Raze

 

 

 

I defintely feel a huge difference between if i spend a day self actualizing and being productive versus if I go on social media. I just don't think i need to wait to be very self-actualized to fix this issue.

[Cocolove]

@NoSelfSelf hm good advice thank you i definetely need to contemplate this more. I just think a book would be good as specific psychological issues can be tricky and techniques can help.

 @integral yea im 21 working a decent amount on my life purpose and self actualization. but that just never brings me the level of fufillment a relationship can.

I've watched some julien videos on this topic, ive already seen the other you shared.@Raze

Watching the julien video its just so hard to understand how this is what im doing and how to stop. it doesn't feel like im putting my self worth on that, in my experience it feels like depression is the baseline and having a relationship is an amazing thing that brings pleasure and love. the love comes from that, not from within. Logically I know its true, but how do i bridge the gap and actually start feeling like im complete.

 

 

I defintely feel a huge difference between if i spend a day self actualizing and being productive versus if I go on social media. I just don't think i need to wait to be very self-actualized to fix this issue.

[Chives99]

love yourself, regardless of others opinions of you.