I hope for death, but I fear eternity

[Display_Name]

I’ve lived life quite fearlessly the past years “knowing” it’s a limited imagination and death is the ultimate fail-safe at the end.

 

But the past 2 months, I’ve entered some mega dark night that makes all my previous dark nights look like sunshines and rainbows.

 

Triggered by various readings on the internet, a part of my mind has become irrationality obsessed with the idea of some post singularity super - AI recreating my consciousness in a simulation to torture me for eternity. 

It’s the ultimate fear - not death but some eternal hell - now under techno, transhuman, AI monikers.

I’ve broken down with multiple panic attacks and suffering unlike any other as my mind imagines waking up after death to be tortured for eternity - which is a very, very long time. Such unimaginable intense and extended suffering should not be possible, I protest.

Knowing what I apparantly know from both spirituality, and rational thinking, it all makes little sense. Seems absurd even. But the “what if..” of ultimate hell remains.

Surely after death our limited consciousness is evaporated into infinity, or directly reincarnated…not left in the void to be reawakened in some AI mind’s matrix?

Edited June 15, 2023 by Display_Name

[Yimpa]

What if you love and understand that instead of running away from it? As long as you’re clinging onto a fixed idea of how reality is, you’re going to continue perpetuating it.

[WeCome1]

25 minutes ago, Display_Name said:

the idea of some post singularity super - AI recreating my consciousness in a simulation to torture me for eternity

I know a Black Mirror episode you'll LOVE 

On a more serious note, there is a useful idea in psychotherapy "to focus on the things you CAN control". Maybe research that?

Edited June 15, 2023 by WeCome1

[Display_Name]

41 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

What if you love and understand that instead of running away from it? As long as you’re clinging onto a fixed idea of how reality is, you’re going to continue perpetuating it.

I’m trying. Do you think such a scenario I described is possible or impossible?

[Breakingthewall]

30 minutes ago, Display_Name said:

I’m trying. Do you think such a scenario I described is possible or impossible?

Yes, it does not make any sense. If you look at reality you will see that it has a tendency. it evolves into more complexity, more consciousness, more complex designs that require complex evolution, a work of engineering and art that has a quality of intrinsic beauty and harmony. there are hard tests but they are brief and in the end there is always a liberation. what awaits you is not a dystopia, it is sublime art. a cosmic dance of unimaginable beauty

[Yimpa]

57 minutes ago, Display_Name said:

I’m trying. Do you think such a scenario I described is possible or impossible?

It’s possible that my ceiling can collapse onto my skull, sending me into a coma for 50 years. Therefore, I should try my damnedest for the rest of my life to make sure that never happens. 

By the way, I also deal with similar fears as you, so don’t assume that I’m some awoken master who can absolutely solve any problem. 

[Display_Name]

12 hours ago, Yimpa said:

It’s possible that my ceiling can collapse onto my skull, sending me into a coma for 50 years. Therefore, I should try my damnedest for the rest of my life to make sure that never happens. 

By the way, I also deal with similar fears as you, so don’t assume that I’m some awoken master who can absolutely solve any problem. 

Yeah. But Any fear of a bad thing like that that is finite, or impermanent, is 0 problem for me. But when the bad thing is infinite and eternal, that’s what gets me. That’s terrifying. Even a 0.0000001% chance of it would be terrifying if you “multiply” it by infinite suffering.

[Display_Name]

@mmKay

[WeCome1]

@Display_Name

I think you may find the concept of "Roko's Basilisk" interesting. If you study carefully the argument and its possible refutations, this could bring you some peace of mind.

[mmKay]

@Display_Name first of all, your case is not exactly my area of expertise. I still can provide some value to you.

Do not take anything that I say as a personal attack. Take It as extremely honest feedback.

 

What you're describing is definitely not a dark night of the soul, and a dark night of the soul is nothing along those lines, so you got that concept wrong.

It seems that you're confused about reallity and mentally ungrounded, therefore you entretain various whacky ideas that feed your OCD and Metaphysical Paranoia.

Mental disorders are not my area of expertise. Depending on if you really have OCD and how firmly you hold your beliefs I could maybe help your further.

IMO stop listening to spirituallity or AI news or philosophy for now. It's only confusing you and from what It seems to me it's leading the wrong way and already has put you in the wrong rabbithole.

 

Your effort now should be understanding and observing  how your own mind works. How It creates drama out of thin air, how obsessive thoughts work and how they affect your body and emotions. How your beliefs work and how self-deception work.

 

I'll link a series of videos that you should watch in this very order. Multiple times over a course of a week or a month. You really need to re-program your mind.

You need a mental reset . 

First of all, Ground yourself in actuality. Everything else are stories and fantasies as far as you're concerned. Dismiss your fantasies as an exercise.

Secondly. You need to learn how to let go . Read Sedona method and Byron Katie : The Work. 

This will help you learn how to let go and ground yourself mentally.

Leo's video on OCD, letting go, attachment, etc.

Also contemplate and embody real " not knowing "

 

 

Only after you've done all of this, you may consider working on and embracing your Metaphysical fears . Radical implicacions of oneness.

I'm not linking this to fuel your paranoia. Its so that you appreciate how much of a mirarle and gift your current life is.

 

Also, dont dismiss the posibility of seeking profesional help.

 

I wish you the best.

Feel free to ask follow up questions.

 

 

Edited June 16, 2023 by mmKay

[Display_Name]

1 hour ago, WeCome1 said:

@Display_Name

I think you may find the concept of "Roko's Basilisk" interesting. If you study carefully the argument and its possible refutations, this could bring you some peace of mind.

Yes this is what I meant just didn’t want to mention it by name. I’ve studied it well und understand the irrationallity, but still the “what if” remains.

I suppose for you, you read it but it didn’t trigger anything?

Edited June 16, 2023 by Display_Name

[Display_Name]

@Leo Gura

[WeCome1]

40 minutes ago, Display_Name said:

I’ve studied it well und understand the irrationallity, but still the “what if” remains.

I suppose for you, you read it but it didn’t trigger anything?

No, it never triggered me in any way. It is good and important that you see and understand the irrationality of this problem. This removes the need to clear up the intellectual confusion and makes it a pure psychological problem. Unfortunately, I am in no position to give advice in this domain (except for what I said in my first post). Have you considered consulting a professional psychotherapist about this? This kind of obsessing over irrational ideas is a well-studied subject, I believe.

[Display_Name]

40 minutes ago, WeCome1 said:

No, it never triggered me in any way. It is good and important that you see and understand the irrationality of this problem. This removes the need to clear up the intellectual confusion and makes it a pure psychological problem. Unfortunately, I am in no position to give advice in this domain (except for what I said in my first post). Have you considered consulting a professional psychotherapist about this? This kind of obsessing over irrational ideas is a well-studied subject, I believe.

Interesting. So it is just my psychology that is ultra sensitive to it.

Thing is, even though I cannot find a logical reason now for future AI to punish me, I do not know future AI or how it thinks or what it values, and ultimately what decision it would make. It’s just anthropomorphic speculation. As long as it could in any way have the power to do that, it therefore scares me.

Edited June 16, 2023 by Display_Name

[Inliytened1]

18 hours ago, Display_Name said:

I’ve lived life quite fearlessly the past years “knowing” it’s a limited imagination and death is the ultimate fail-safe at the end.

 

But the past 2 months, I’ve entered some mega dark night that makes all my previous dark nights look like sunshines and rainbows.

 

Triggered by various readings on the internet, a part of my mind has become irrationality obsessed with the idea of some post singularity super - AI recreating my consciousness in a simulation to torture me for eternity. 

It’s the ultimate fear - not death but some eternal hell - now under techno, transhuman, AI monikers.

I’ve broken down with multiple panic attacks and suffering unlike any other as my mind imagines waking up after death to be tortured for eternity - which is a very, very long time. Such unimaginable intense and extended suffering should not be possible, I protest.

Knowing what I apparantly know from both spirituality, and rational thinking, it all makes little sense. Seems absurd even. But the “what if..” of ultimate hell remains.

Surely after death our limited consciousness is evaporated into infinity, or directly reincarnated…not left in the void to be reawakened in some AI mind’s matrix?

This is counter intuitive to most ego's.  For example - I want to live forever as this ego.   I am so attached to it that I couldn't fathom the idea of my ego no longer existing.   So deeply attached.  That's how God gets his hooks in you.  And yet you want the opposite.  Or do you?  Perhaps it is the fear of the opposite that really binds you.

[Display_Name]

56 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

This is counter intuitive to most ego's.  For example - I want to live forever as this ego.   I am so attached to it that I couldn't fathom the idea of my ego no longer existing.   So deeply attached.  That's how God gets his hooks in you.  And yet you want the opposite.  Or do you?  Perhaps it is the fear of the opposite that really binds you.

Yes it's the opposite for me. Trapped in eternity is the ultimate fear. And I've wanted to die and end existence multiple times. I don't think it's that uncommon, just that most people have not contemplated fates worse than death, or the inherent suffering in contracted individual life.

Edited June 16, 2023 by Display_Name

[Blackhawk]

I think your memory probably gets reset, so you forget that you have existed for eternity. Maybe in worst case you can make yourself forget.

You already forgot it in this life. Or well, you started to "remember" a bit, but you will forget again.

I don't really think that AI has anything to do with the eternity thing.

But of course all this is just speculation.

Edited June 16, 2023 by Blackhawk

[Yimpa]

7 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

But of course all this is just speculation.

Endless speculation that claims that it is the one doing the speculating.

[Inliytened1]

2 hours ago, Display_Name said:

Yes it's the opposite for me. Trapped in eternity is the ultimate fear. And I've wanted to die and end existence multiple times. I don't think it's that uncommon, just that most people have not contemplated fates worse than death, or the inherent suffering in contracted individual life.

There is no end to existence sadly - or to your delight.   there is eternity though.  But there is no true insanity.  You cannot get lost in your own mind for eternity - you will always come out of it and be fruitful again.   Hell only manifests if you let it.

 

Edited June 16, 2023 by Inliytened1

[Display_Name]

10 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

There is no end to existence sadly - or to your delight.   there is eternity though.  But there is no true insanity.  You cannot get lost in your own mind for eternity - you will always come out of it and be fruitful again.   Hell only manifests if you let it.

 

I'm scared of super AI creating some pseudo eternity for a seperate mind in it's own simulation.