How Does One Discover What They Authentically Want?

[CARDOZZO]

@Spiritedness

I think they are different sides of the same coin.

One cannot exist without the other.

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-06-17 at 5:40 PM, Oso said:

I've allowed myself space in not-knowing before and have found it to be rather efficient. Since it is a space of not-knowing, a lot of tricky desires come up as well which can be hard to discern as worthwhile.

 

Do you have a way for navigating that space, especially in regards to what is truthful or of most value?

Well for me, I never really found an explanation for my strongest desires. Why do I want it? Can’t say, I just do. That’s how they were for me, I didn’t have to look for them. It was just constantly being imaged in my mind, flashing before my eyes like hypnosis,  and I just couldn’t stop wanting it. I don’t really think one needs an explanation  for one’s desires. You can pursue something even if there is no justification for it. You want it because you simply want it. 

To come to that clarity, I think you’re doing great by questioning those desires, and holding off pursuing them a little. What can happen is that the strongest desires still survive - no matter how hard you question them and how long you go without pursuing them. You just can’t let them go and they won’t let you go.

You could start by noticing if your desires primarily concern your sense of self or outer things. For me sense of self was always primary, I wanted a certain ideal self and everything else was secondary. I don’t think one can force this either, you’re naturally drawn to one or the other. 
 

also seriously question those standards you have about what is “higher lower more or less true/worthwhile” . Where do those ideas come from? For me I had so many layers of all these weird beliefs that felt so real. Aren’t they also just desires for something? If you have some “tricky desire “ then something questions it “is this really authentic and true”, then that could be just another desire for some more spiritual/actualized self image  that is masquerading as “truth” and speaking against the other desire which involves another self image. So it’s a battle between desires rather than what’s true or not true. Something like that. 
 

also , what you want stands in contrast to what you don’t want. What don’t you want in your life ? Could you ask. And then what you want is the opposite. Could be anything, something about yourself for example. Also those “smaller” desires that aren’t so big and visionary, if you clean them up a little by pursuing them for a little while, in my experience that can clear your mind up a little and make those stronger desires more clear.

 

lastly I want to add. What is the issue with not knowing what you want? If you feel there is a problem with it, it could be you have some diffuse idea of what kind of life/self you are missing out on if you don’t hurry up and find what you want to be able to start pursue it and get there. Look closely at these fantasies, what are they composed of, what are the characteristics of the self that is involved in them? 

 

Edited June 20, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Israfil]

On 18/06/2023 at 10:35 AM, CARDOZZO said:

@Oso Discover your top values.

My top values:

• Excellence.
• Creativity.
• Deep Understanding.
• Mastery.
• Wisdom.
• Innovation.

Holy shit, you fucking nailed my list, man. The only one that I consider a value and isn't in this list is Beauty. 

[Israfil]

On 18/06/2023 at 3:46 PM, Spiritedness said:

@CARDOZZO How is 'mastery' expressed differently than 'excellence'?

I see mastery as the technical capability of someone. Mastery refers to the will to improve oneself. Excellence is the search for perfection in terms of results. Very close, but mastery is more internal and excellence is external.

As per our lord and savior, GPT:

Mastery implies a comprehensive understanding and expertise in a particular subject or field, while excellence focuses on consistently achieving exceptional performance or results. Mastery often requires a deep level of knowledge and continuous learning, while excellence can be attained by consistently surpassing expectations and delivering outstanding outcomes. 

[Realms of Wonder]

It can be like seeing something that has always been there, just not in the way we thought.

 

I think that accessing authentic desire is a balance between introspection, doing nothing, gaining experience by trying new things and ultimately arriving at what you do and dont like.

you can try writing a list of things you for sure do not want or desire. For example...

• I dont not want to weight 300 pounds
• I do not want to be stuck in wage slavery
• I do not want to be lost in dogma and ideology
• Etc..

This can decrease the pool of things you do want, making it easier to pick a direction to go. Then, through more introspection, create a list of things you want to try.

• Get a job in a field that interests you (barista, cook, server, receptionist, salesperson)
• go live alone
• Go out in nature
• listen to 20 different genres of music and find which ones I love
• create something (draw, go to a piano shop and try a piano or two, write a short story
• travel to see new biomes or places to experience
• move to your favorite one
• Etc...

Through this and similar things, some things will be obvious, some less obvious, and eventually you'll recognize what you authentically want or dont want. 

After and during these experiences, you will notice growth and also more material to process as you introspect and question your values and authentic desires. 

In my own life it has been unfolding like this leading to the current level of clarity about what I want. 

1. Dropped out of college because It was definitely inauthentic
2. Lived in a new climate 
3. G0t a job to earned money (learned I hate working at Applebee's)
4. Tried psychedelics (realized I want to grow and have a life purpose.)
5. Bought Leo's Life purpose course (first of 7 iterations of my values.)
6. Moved to new city and lived alone
7. Got involved in an MLM 
8. Chose authenticity, music, creativity, and freedom over the MLM
9. Change careers to being a barista
10. Go on a solo retreat (leading to deeper life purpose clarity and decisions about what I Want)
11. Started producing music
12. Worked part time, produced music and releasing music, started dating, get a better idea of who I Want to date.
13. Took another solo retreat while isolating from Covid (chose to get another job and break up with my girlfriend realizing it was inauthentic.)
14. worked two jobs, traded both for a gym job that I ended up quitting in three weeks because it went against my values (5th iteration, pretty authentic)
15. Moved to PA to be a camp counselor (learned how much I value solitude, freedom and music creation.)
16. Got a job at a different kitchen started releasing music and content on insta
17. Quit all media, went through a dark period emotionally and certain-wise
18. Chose to go to massage school out of that (based on previous experiences of enjoyment of it and research about its viability as a career to suit my building of my brand/Life-purpose.)
19. 9 months into massage school, very clear about what I want in life (generally speaking) and building my brand while working full time.
     

This was 6 years. 

 

All the best!

[CARDOZZO]

@Israfil ??

Beauty is a good one also…

[Oso]

On 6/19/2023 at 9:16 PM, Sugarcoat said:

Well for me, I never really found an explanation for my strongest desires. Why do I want it? Can’t say, I just do. That’s how they were for me, I didn’t have to look for them. It was just constantly being imaged in my mind, flashing before my eyes like hypnosis,  and I just couldn’t stop wanting it. I don’t really think one needs an explanation  for one’s desires. You can pursue something even if there is no justification for it. You want it because you simply want it. 

To come to that clarity, I think you’re doing great by questioning those desires, and holding off pursuing them a little. What can happen is that the strongest desires still survive - no matter how hard you question them and how long you go without pursuing them. You just can’t let them go and they won’t let you go.

You could start by noticing if your desires primarily concern your sense of self or outer things. For me sense of self was always primary, I wanted a certain ideal self and everything else was secondary. I don’t think one can force this either, you’re naturally drawn to one or the other. 
 

also seriously question those standards you have about what is “higher lower more or less true/worthwhile” . Where do those ideas come from? For me I had so many layers of all these weird beliefs that felt so real. Aren’t they also just desires for something? If you have some “tricky desire “ then something questions it “is this really authentic and true”, then that could be just another desire for some more spiritual/actualized self image  that is masquerading as “truth” and speaking against the other desire which involves another self image. So it’s a battle between desires rather than what’s true or not true. Something like that. 
 

also , what you want stands in contrast to what you don’t want. What don’t you want in your life ? Could you ask. And then what you want is the opposite. Could be anything, something about yourself for example. Also those “smaller” desires that aren’t so big and visionary, if you clean them up a little by pursuing them for a little while, in my experience that can clear your mind up a little and make those stronger desires more clear.

 

lastly I want to add. What is the issue with not knowing what you want? If you feel there is a problem with it, it could be you have some diffuse idea of what kind of life/self you are missing out on if you don’t hurry up and find what you want to be able to start pursue it and get there. Look closely at these fantasies, what are they composed of, what are the characteristics of the self that is involved in them? 

 

I've spent over a day trying to take this in for you wrote a lot which spoke to me.

 

From the first paragraph alone, I was able to see that I might be living my life based on someone else's desires/ideals. Though Leo and many others have taught me a great deal, I've inevitably adopted unoriginal ideas which have ruled my subconscious for some time now. This is of course no way to live if I want an authentic life.

 

 I think before I start looking at whether my desires are inwards or outwards, I need to first learn how to discern my desires from other desires. I know I have a lot of beliefs about needing to pursue enlightenment and this and that which I may have adopted from others. This is where the questioning you had spoken of comes in. I'll start doing that.

 

The big thing here for me is when you said: "What is the issue with not knowing what you want?"...

That sentence alone has been my greatest trouble for over a year now, ever since I discovered conscious life purpose from Leo. Like you said, I do actually feel that if I don't hurry up and figure out my purpose so I can start mastering it, I'll be missing out on something. If I'm honest, I find it very hard to rest in a state of not-knowing, at least in regards to knowing what I want in life. If I don't try to find a purpose or have a purpose, I feel like I'm wasting my time here on earth. This could very well be the beliefs I've allowed into my head but it is so hard to gain clarity here. 

 

I'm going to ask for more advice. Deny me if you wish.

However, what would you recommend I do to help gain clarity on what I actually want versus what I think I want based on inauthentic beliefs?   

[HeartCoder]

Allow me to deposit some of my thoughts on it.

This whole question about what one authentically wants is so basic yet so profound.

I'd argue this should be our biggest concern and obsession in life until we're clear enough to switch to execution mode.

 

23 hours ago, Oso said:

I do actually feel that if I don't hurry up and figure out my purpose so I can start mastering it, I'll be missing out on something. If I'm honest, I find it very hard to rest in a state of not-knowing, at least in regards to knowing what I want in life. If I don't try to find a purpose or have a purpose, I feel like I'm wasting my time here on earth.

I can relate 100%.
I wonder how people can "live by" without asking such questions.

Posting here your messages shows how concerned you are.
This alone is a powerful force.

Most people don't take the time and energy to answer this seemingly trivial question.
They don't contemplate it, they don't take it seriously.
They conform. As it's easier to become influenced by our surroundings than to influence them.
They get content to live an OK life. Which is the greatest dream killer of all.

 

22 hours ago, Oso said:

what would you recommend I do to help gain clarity on what I actually want versus what I think I want based on inauthentic beliefs?   

Disrupt your mental/intellectual activity and listen to your emotions/heart.

This may look counter-intuitive, especially in our time and society which value intellectual accomplishment and a perfect curriculum.

The thing is, your emotions don't lie.
- Your heart won't drum up your whole body for no reason.
- Your tears won't fall over your face without a deep connection within yourself.
This is the kind of truth you seek for.
Not being deceived by what you should do in your life, or listening to advice.

Let me ask you:
- Have you ever been with a person, an animal, or in a place, where there's a deep delight flowing, emerging, without you having any explication for it? That you felt so grateful for?
- Have you ever experienced a seemingly insignificant activity, have you experienced moments in your life that moved you? Those kinds of magic moments that justify life's worth all by themselves?

Can you spot the difference between living decades of your life in a dull, lifeless manner, and one where emotions flow from within bringing a self-rewarding loop with a sense of responsibility and honor to share it with the world? 

[SeaMonster]

It's not a silly question at all; in fact it's one of the best questions you can ask.

The problem with knowing what you authentically want is how the ego is structured.  You may be accustomed to pleasing other people or being a follower, or other tendencies where you aren't really being true to yourself.  

Or you may have addictions that you use to cope.  Some people do drugs, some people compulsively masturbate.

These things aren't what you AUTHENTICALLY WANT, it's what you're SLAVE to.

So firstly, figure out what you're slave to.  Is it pleasing people? Is it eating to cover up the pain or some other bad habits?

It's easier to know what you want if you can figure out which of the things that you are constantly doing are TO COPE.

[HeartCoder]

1 hour ago, SeaMonster said:

These things aren't what you AUTHENTICALLY WANT, it's what you're SLAVE to

So firstly, figure out what you're slave to.

I like this point of view of eliminating things you are a slave to.
Like getting rid of the bad weeds so that your authentic flowers can emerge more easily.

Have the wisdom to differentiate shallow pleasure from deep happiness that comes from within.
- The former comes from satisfying desires you may become addicted to (food, sex, games...)
- The latter is something money can't buy. It just surprises you.
It's something nobody can take away from you, except yourself if you don't nurture it.

 

It can be tricky sometimes,
We're all after feeling good
and avoiding the pain of feeling bad.
However good and bad are two faces of the same coin. One doesn't come without the other.

Another rule you can use to guide you:
Does this bring me short-term or long-term happiness?
Will I regret it tomorrow, next year, in my old days?
Or will I cherish and treasure it in my memories, as a gift or something I'm proud of?

Edited June 22, 2023 by HeartCoder

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-06-21 at 5:37 PM, Oso said:

From the first paragraph alone, I was able to see that I might be living my life based on someone else's desires/ideals. Though Leo and many others have taught me a great deal, I've inevitably adopted unoriginal ideas which have ruled my subconscious for some time now. This is of course no way to live if I want an authentic life.

 

 I think before I start looking at whether my desires are inwards or outwards, I need to first learn how to discern my desires from other desires. I know I have a lot of beliefs about needing to pursue enlightenment and this and that which I may have adopted from others. This is where the questioning you had spoken of comes in. I'll start doing that.

 

The big thing here for me is when you said: "What is the issue with not knowing what you want?"...

That sentence alone has been my greatest trouble for over a year now, ever since I discovered conscious life purpose from Leo. Like you said, I do actually feel that if I don't hurry up and figure out my purpose so I can start mastering it, I'll be missing out on something. If I'm honest, I find it very hard to rest in a state of not-knowing, at least in regards to knowing what I want in life. If I don't try to find a purpose or have a purpose, I feel like I'm wasting my time here on earth. This could very well be the beliefs I've allowed into my head but it is so hard to gain clarity here. 

 

I'm going to ask for more advice. Deny me if you wish.

However, what would you recommend I do to help gain clarity on what I actually want versus what I think I want based on inauthentic beliefs?   

also. Even if something perhaps originates from someone else or outside of you - does not necessarily mean your desire for it is authentic . Just another point 

 

yea totally. Sometimes we have beliefs about stuff that affect what we feel we should pursue so it can come in conflict with what we are attracted to and desire so it’s a lot of conflict and things to question there so good you’re doing it!

 

I relate to your sense of rush. For me I kept looking and looking and everything got clearer and clearer eventually . 
 

regarding your question. You are onto something there when you separate beliefs and desires. Because sometimes we have beliefs that we hold, unconsciously even, that affect what we believe we should /shouldn’t do and it can come in conflict to what we feel desire to do so create suffering and confusion there. For me beliefs in my life have fallen away spontaneously so it’s hard to say what one can do.
 

To know if you authentically want something, first question the ideas you have about what authentic means. Some people seem to define authentic as something that comes from you, so they think if a desire has outside influence then it’s not so authentic but it’s not really the case imo. A desire can both have a component to it that originates form outside conditioning and simultaneously have a component that unique to you and personal , so it doesn’t make it less authentic , if you still want it at the end of the day - why does it matter if it “comes from someone else”.

 

What you fantasize about could give you a clue to what you want, if you’re the person who fantasizes a lot.

You could look at what you are discontent with for example some quality about yourself and see if you wanna start working on that. And lowkey drop the idea that desires should be these grand big things, if you have that idea. Sometimes maybe we just want nicer clothes for example, it’s not waste of time per day to pursue those small things, one can grow while doing that too

 

. That’s another point, people sometimes feel they need to do massive grand things to grow themselves. You could grow and become more effective and intelligent from small everyday situations too. For example - I’ve grown a lot from working these minimum wage jobs after high school - my social skills have skyrocketed in comparison to before, I have become more comfortable being a leader, better at coordinating my body, my practical intelligence is better, better confidence. Wether you grow or not from something is more fundamental to you and your psychology - someone could work just like me but barely grow at all. There is opportunity everywhere.
 

Where do youuuuuu feel limited you could ask? What area of life feels most lacking at the moment ? What are of life you feel most panicky around in how lacking you feel they’re  Social, dating, financial, intellectual etc . Could start there
 

 

Edited June 27, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[BeLove]

Hi - this is an easy one for me .

To find the authentic you and what you want in life , do not think about it - feel about it ..

Go to your heart , not your mind . We are our hearts , not our minds .

What do you feel you would like to do or be ?

To ensure you are feeling the answer , rather than thinking it , put your hand over your heart and visualise yourself actually looking at yourself through this space .. Look at your life through this space .. Feel it - every time you notice thinking going on , consciously stop thinking and go back to your feeling space ..

Try beginning with one particular thing , then feel what the immediate feeling is inside you  about it - some people call it gut-feelings ..

This might take some practice , because we are all taught that thinking is the way through life and it's challenges .. But the mind is limited and a lot of us have mental-filters clouded by previous experiences or emotional baggage .. The mind and the thoughts in it can be limited by what we think is expected of us .. The mind can be brain-washed by society or cultural traditions ..

The heart , however , knows the real you - is the real you - Follow your heart , it knows the way ..

Many blessings to you ,

from BeLove x

[hyruga]

2 hours ago, BeLove said:

Hi - this is an easy one for me .

To find the authentic you and what you want in life , do not think about it - feel about it ..

Go to your heart , not your mind . We are our hearts , not our minds .

What do you feel you would like to do or be ?

To ensure you are feeling the answer , rather than thinking it , put your hand over your heart and visualise yourself actually looking at yourself through this space .. Look at your life through this space .. Feel it - every time you notice thinking going on , consciously stop thinking and go back to your feeling space ..

Try beginning with one particular thing , then feel what the immediate feeling is inside you  about it - some people call it gut-feelings ..

This might take some practice , because we are all taught that thinking is the way through life and it's challenges .. But the mind is limited and a lot of us have mental-filters clouded by previous experiences or emotional baggage .. The mind and the thoughts in it can be limited by what we think is expected of us .. The mind can be brain-washed by society or cultural traditions ..

The heart , however , knows the real you - is the real you - Follow your heart , it knows the way ..

Many blessings to you ,

from BeLove x

Thanks. 

You specially take the time to write this as your first post. Well done. It must be what you feel that you must write.

[BeLove]

Hello Hyruga ,

l live my core values .

They are , basically , treat all other beings they way l wish to be treated .. This involves empathy and kindness , of course . Which come from your heart-space , not your head .. We tend to think too much , and thoughts can be tainted by past emotional-baggage or conditioning .

 

I write and engage with others from my heart . The way l feel is what guides me .. Feelings are the language of the soul , and feelings  will tell you your inner truth about things .. Be loyal to your inner truth .. ( as long as that does not involve hurting other beings )

The authentic you will not be found in thoughts .. It will only be found in your core-feelings ..

 

That's why some people are so much happier than others - if they have followed their heart into a career they love ( singing / dancing / teaching /whatever) and they are also loving ( being loved is wonderful , but being loving is the absolute best ! )

If you fill your life with as much loving and love as possible , you will feel full of purpose and delight ..

There is a beautiful song called  " Love is the Answer " ..

And it is ..

Take care of yourself ,

lots of love from BeLove .. xx