How Do You Keep Moving Forward Without A Step Back?

[LRyan]

I don't know if this is just my ego trying to sabotage the good hard work I am doing on myself.  The first time I experienced enlightenment was in 2005 after a physical injury.  I read the book Inspiration by Dr. Wayne Dyer.  I could not believe what was to happen to me. I walked around for 3 weeks and felt like a different person, nothing bothered me, I was happy, I looked at nature like a tree and a leaf like I had never seen it before.  Things seemed perfect.   Then I lost it....all of it...somehow my old self crept back in.  Then a few years later maybe 2008 reading Eckhart TOLLE, I fell back into complete awareness and consciousness again but it was shorter lived, a week or so and then the old life crept back in.  This has happened to me a couple of more times since then and very recently.  Actually one week ago, same thing...I could not believe the moon and stared at it for a long while, I was truly deep down happy just being at home alone doing much of nothing, reading my self awareness books, Deepak Chopra...doing very well Monday...Tuesday some issues with staying present all day, little worse on Wednesday and you get the idea.  I seem to only be able to find temporary states of complete consciousness and awareness and then they are gone.

My belief about what might be happening is that I do fantastic on my own when I am alone but when I am in contact with my family most of whom are going through some seriously difficult times right now, I get brought right down to the ground and into the pit of their problems and despair.  Then I find myself jumping into the ring saying things that I don't wan't to and then asking myself, why did I go there when I realize that it doesn't really matter what they are going through, it's not my problem to fix everyone's problems.

Does ANYONE feel like they want to escape to a retreat to just focus on themselves and their work long enough to feel strong enough to keep your own beliefs strong without being immediately tested?

Any input would help me...I feel confused about this and it's starting to creep more and more into my thoughts and when I notice the thought I am not feeding it but just noticing it gives me worry.  I just want to move forward for a good stretch of time to get my feet on the ground but maybe that isn't realistic.

Can anyone help please?

[jse]

Backward steps are a necessary part of our journey.

Embrace your setbacks, learn from them, and let them help you move on forward.

 

 

Edited March 19, 2017 by jse

[Toby]

I would see that "spiritual" states or experiences as just a natural coming and going of "highs" and "lows". The buddhist have this image of the wheel of samsara. Sometimes you are up, sometimes down, I would investigate more on what does not change or investigate who or what had the experience, because that is not defined by states or experiences.

[PureExp]

7 hours ago, LRyan said:

Can anyone help please?

I agree with @Toby , nicely stated.

There is essentially no difference between a pleasant "spiritual" experience and a run of a mill worldly unpleasant one. The problem is your attachment to a particular kind of experience.

All experiences are impermanent, you are trying to cling to some and avoid others. What else will you get except restlessness and frustration?

A seeker prefers Equanimous state, not an extreme state. Pleasure/pain are in the domain of Ego. Transcend Ego.

All the best ! We all have gone through such rough territory, don't worry it will be over quickly

[Nahm]

Books are great.

Imagine the home / environment of someone who doesn't take the steps back. Would their kitchen be wrapped around healthy? Would the center of their environment be a TV or excercise equiptment, yoga mat, etc? Would they meditate daily and choose to maintain their higher state, even when hearing from someone going through 'problems"? Would they know the surest way to solve a problem, is to create it?

[Bob84]

@LRyan who or what is it that wants this so bad? 

[Shin]

Quote

A seeker prefers Equanimous state, not an extreme state. Pleasure/pain are in the domain of Ego. Transcend Ego.

How long does your meditation session are you guys (talking to everyone), to maintain that equanimity ?

I personally needs 2 hours, otherwise I can start to slack off or being pulled by people inconsciousness.

Edited March 19, 2017 by Shin

[Nahm]

@PureExp question about this seeker thing. Are you a seeker? If so, what is it you are seeking? If not, what is it you think others are seeking when you refers to them as seekers, that you have obtained and therefore are no longer seeking? Or were you never a seeker to begin with? Is it just a term to seperate?  Just curious. Thanks! 

@Shin IME, it's very relative to all other things. What I eat, mindfulness, awareness, excercise, sex, negative or positive media, reading, etc. Allowance vs resistant thought is the biggest piece for me. I am typically in a state of equanimity. I meditate 30 -60 minutes every morning.

I have noticed that resistant thought is the key variable. I couldn't sleep or meditate enough back in my days of resistant thought to obtain equanimity. Now, I sleep 5 hours and feel great - don't get tired. Just my 2 cents. Hope it's helpful. 

 @Bob84 It's LRyan. The guy who's post this is. He's referring to his ego and or personality.

@LRyan If you get to the state you want when you read, etc....and then drop out of that state within a few days, why not practice daily?

 

 

[LRyan]

8 hours ago, jse said:

Backward steps are a necessary part of our journey.

Embrace your setbacks, learn from them, and let them help you move on forward.

 

 

Good info.  and good advice.  I have to practice not being attached to what my mind thinks is a good conversation or a positive one.  Maybe I have expectations that there will be no negative conversations and that I will be able to make everyone as happy as I feel..??

[LRyan]

Thanks for all the interesting comments, very deep and thoughtful responses.  It probably is my ego that thinks that because I  am on a path to spiritual awareness that I can fix everything for everyone so they can be happy and problem free.

I do find myself feeling impatient listening to all the negative things, I have a heavy responsibility in my family, I take care of my mother who has cancer, my sister and daughter and my son rely on me for support even though they are all adults.  I'm also with my granddaughter a lot and so I feel like I have so much on my plate so during the course of a day I will get several calls from everyone and usually they want my ear to vent about their money problems and relationship problems.  That's why I am feeling like I might need to take a trip for me.  As a mother and wife for most of my life, I am now trying to find the happiness I was always searching for.

Yes,  believe you are correct that it is still identification with ego that is causing me this frustration.  I see myself getting pulled into the drama and it's almost like watching a train coming.  I see what I am doing and my little voice says, dont....let it go but sometimes the pull is too strong and I get wrapped up in old thought patterns and behaviour patterns and I become mom, sister, daughter who wants to make everyone feel better...

[LRyan]

32 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@PureExp question about this seeker thing. Are you a seeker? If so, what is it you are seeking? If not, what is it you think others are seeking when you refers to them as seekers, that you have obtained and therefore are no longer seeking? Or were you never a seeker to begin with? Is it just a term to seperate?  Just curious. Thanks! 

@Shin IME, it's very relative to all other things. What I eat, mindfulness, awareness, excercise, sex, negative or positive media, reading, etc. Allowance vs resistant thought is the biggest piece for me. I am typically in a state of equanimity. I meditate 30 -60 minutes every morning.

I have noticed that resistant thought is the key variable. I couldn't sleep or meditate enough back in my days of resistant thought to obtain equanimity. Now, I sleep 5 hours and feel great - don't get tired. Just my 2 cents. Hope it's helpful. 

 @Bob84 It's LRyan. The guy who's post this is. He's referring to his ego and or personality.

@LRyan If you get to the state you want when you read, etc....and then drop out of that state within a few days, why not practice daily?

 

Yes, thank you...I do try to read every day and sometimes I even read my inspirational quotes I have written out on cards WHILE I am on the phone trying to stay present and realize that all is fine no matter what!

 

 

[LRyan]

2 hours ago, Shin said:

How long does your meditation session are you guys (talking to everyone), to maintain that equanimity ?

I personally needs 2 hours, otherwise I can start to slack off or being pulled by people inconsciousness.

Sorry guys, I just realized that I can do a multi quote.....

I wish I could meditate for 2 hrs!  I've only been able to do about 20 minutes so far because I just started meditating and I find it tricky.  Sometimes I try twice a day or whenever I am totally present throughout the day which is very often...

[Bob84]

@LRyan you remember your awakenig like it was yesterday. You ego loved it and wants it back. You enlightend self however doesnt give a shit . Get where im pointing at?

You look back at it from the ego and get confused.. get why that doesnt make sense?

Watching some mooji videos could get you back. Or in other words distract you from your ego. 

A none thinking routine where you focus on your body or other things. Aslong as you are not in your head can help create a default.

Forget enlightenment. Or atleast see the fact that its only your ego that cares.

[LRyan]

True...I see that my enlightened self wouldn't care about anything but the present.  Why would ego care about a time where I seemed to have no ego consciousness? A time where I had no conflict nothing but joy... That is confusing but basically the only thathing that matters is the present moment so any focus on anything from the past that you want is ego??  

Mooji videos?

I think a lot of things throughout the day but a lot of my thinking is things from spiritual books I have read or I find myself saying positive things like, what a beautiful day or I am happy..... I really don't pay attention to the things I used to like my negative self talk that used to wrap my mind in an endless reel like a bad movie playing over and over. 

Is it only the ego that cares about enlightenment.....consciousness?  Doesn't your soul gently push you towards it?