A frame of experience from a trip

[Kokorec]

More than a week ago I had a trip on weed. It was my first time experiencing something like this and it slammed my psyche for a few days. With time, the heavy effects went away. I recall most of the event,but broadly. I feel like I forgot the detailed images and thoughts I had in my mind.

When I was trying to remember the details of a certain part in trip I remebered a chain of feelings and thoughts and the rest came like a thread. After the initial shock and spinning images in my mind, which I can't recall in detail now, there was a part where the experience was like a movie and out of my control. A good example of the feeling  would be when you first wake up in the morning and are aware but not in control. I will share the details I remember below.

What I can't figure out about this experience is that at some point I convinced myself that this was True Awakining, how this was going to go on forever, and that all of my life, all of what I have heard and learned, was to make this infinite trip smooth and mostly a good one. In some points, I even experienced what can EXATLY be called as "plot-twists". Whenever I conviced myself that this wasnt a infinite trip after a short while I was again pulled back in to the "infinite trip" and saw how this was indeed a "infinite trip" and how I was getting "ego backlashed" into "unawakining". This "plot-twist" happened a few times more with more force until I fainted out of tiredness.

I would really like an explanation of what this experience really was.

 

What I remember in detail and also was confirmed was my friends who were there with me was these. I wasnt able to surrender to the experience and as result I got anxious and focused on my incriesing heartbeat and that was the start of the just having awarness part. I vividliy remember my consciousness going away and coming back. Being aware of almost having something like a heart attack and coming back with my friend shacking me and saying how I am not going to die. I had awarness while this was happening and I wanted to act but couldnt. After I was more in control I opened my eyes which greatly reduced the trance effect. I went back to my room with the other two friends and in there this life feeling like a film kicked in so fucking hard and the experience which I couldnt explain what it was happened. I remember some thoughts I had. I thought that this was true awakening and this was gonna turn me into a hippie with my other two friends(that thought alone scared me :p). I remember some thought and actions feeling right and some dont with and soo intensive intuition that the wrong moves made my heartbeat skyroket. I remember the I conviced that all of what i heard(to breath deep and focus on it, to meditate etc.) was for this experience. When I did get the hang of it there was a feeling of getting in and out of control of the Experience of life itself. I also had the sensation of jerking off but not cumming CONSTANTLY for a good while in the small frame where I surrendered more to the experince this jerking of transformed to something 100x of cumming and it felt BLISSFULL and also I imagined that how I was getting a blowjob from my other friend but in the future(but feeling the effect also in the moment) if I let the experience happen. This imagining/realasition actually disturbed me because I never felt twoards man.