Post birth enlightenment and suffering

[Bad_anarchist]

In the last couple of months since having my baby I have had a problem I do not know how to deal with and that is suffering. Not my own suffering but other peoples suffering. Sry if this is a wierd post or if I’m posting this in the wrong thread. 

I was in great suffering in my teen years. This was in combination of all sorts of things. I had a few spiritual experiences as a teen that led me into a massive existential crisis, which I think played a huge part in this. But I could list multiple things that led me to feel like ass at the time but I won’t since this isn’t my intention with this post. 

When I met my partner 3 years ago at 19 I was a complete mess and I had nothing ( he was as well otherwise he would never agree to be with me and vice versa) and something happend. I died, literally died. Not physically, but my identity collapsed and it was the most horrific thing I have ever experienced in my life. I was in a wierd paralysing state of mind for MONTHS, I was a walking shell. I was in a constant state of panic wanting it all to just go away and I tried everything possible to snap myself out of it. It took me a long time to recover from this and after 2-3 months I slowly started coming back from it and I mean SLOWLY. It took me a year until I felt alright with with.

Then I got pregnant, at the worst possible time ofc. I was still trying to build myself back up from this and understand what the hell had happend to me during that time. Nonetheless I gave birth and things suddenly became very real to me. It wasn’t until I gave birth when I feel like I finally completely came out of it, like I could understand what this whole thing was about. The chock of the birth,  being so close with life and being forced to surrender to life, enlightened me, spiritually and the dread I had been feeling in my soul came to an end. Having a kid changes everything for everyone but for me It is like my spirit woke up and I saw the world and people around me with a new set of eyes. Everything that I had suppressed came to the surface. 

As a kid I saw auras around other people for example which faded a bit with time. I also had bursts of overwhelming joy as a child that would happen if I was  present in the moment with the universe. Everything became so beautiful and I would cry. This all came back to me after giving birth but so much more intensely, which is  absolutely wonderful!

However suffering also became very real to me. I am not stuck in suffering as I was years ago, I’m very happy where I am and I have a very clear direction in life, but it pains me to see the world in pain.  

I am so painfully aware of suffering that I see it everywhere I go. Many people who are “happy” working 9 to 5 seem dead to me. I see suffering in the most cruel people and have emphathy for them, even if they have committed the most heinous acts. The entire world seems so immature to me and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to navigate myself through this. 

[Bad_anarchist]

oh dear god!

I was writing this on my phone and accidentally posted this in the completely wrong thread. I didnt think I had posted this in the politics section………. That’s embarrassing. 
 

how do you move this?