Does Unconditional love (Romantic) really exist?

[Felinez]

Hello everyone, i would love to hear what your thoughts are about whether or not Unconditional love really exists SPECIFICALLY IN THE ROMANTIC SENSE. 

I know it might be possible to reach a state of "enlightenment, god realization,christ consiousness,brahman etc and love all things. But currently im asking specifically about romantic love.

My personnel opinion is that unconditional love doesnt exist.

In order for someone to unconditionally love someone this would mean loving that person even if they brutally tortured you and all the other people . Could you unconditionally love someone like jhon wayne gacy or peter scully who brutally tortured little babies , just for sadistic pleasure? Would it even be appropriate to love someone like that?

 One might say , "well not torturing you and not being a sadistic psychopath is not  not alot to ask for" 

And i agree. But its a condition none the less.

From my pov - unconditionally loving someone would include loving them no matter how cruel, unkind and sadistic they were.  

[Caoimhin]

I like @Judy2 's response. I agree with what she said, and I'm going to build off of it a little.

I'm not an expert on love, but I've been thinking a lot about love lately and I can give my take on it. Your question is focused on unconditional love in a romantice sense. I'd say that unconditional love in that sense is impossible. Romantic love is by definition conditional. In addition to what Judy said, another very basic condition is that you and the other are in a mutually intimate and censented relationship with each other. Without the other agreeing to the conditions of a romantic relationship, you can't effectively love them romantically. Romantic love is limited and finite love. It's not the highest form. It's higher than a lot of other forms of love in that it requires some level of acceptance of the other's inevitable short comings and some level of selflessness to maintain the relationship, but this isn't even close to the highest levels of love. 

Now here is a question: can someone from a state of true Unconditional Love have a romantic relationship? This is God's love. You love existance exactly as it is and because you love it, it exists. If we accept this as true than because John Wayne Gacy, John Scully, etc exist/existed, it is proof that God loves them. From that state can you hold both conditional love and unconditional love? Can you unconditionally love John Wayne Gacy and other "evil" people, while maintaining a romantice relationship? That is hard to say. I think that at the level of unconditional love, you wouldn't be able to maintain a romantic relationship because it would restrict you and limit your love. Plus you would have more love for that specific person from unconditional love than you would in the romantic form, so you'd be limiting your love for them too by having a romantic relationship with them. 

Lastly, I want to touch on self-love. It's very easy to look at your level and capacity for love by looking at the love you have for yourself. Your love for yourself is probably conditional, therefore your love for others is conditional. If we are coming from the non-dual lens than things that appear other to you is just your reflection. Can you love yourself uncontionally if you were John Wayne Gacy or Peter Scully? The level you resist loving and forgiving yourself as John Wayne Gacy or Peter Scully, is the level of conditional love you have for yourself. If you were a monster could you love and forgive yourself? Could you forgive these lost souls for their ignorance and selfishness? Do you find it hard to love yourself for your own ignorance and selfishness? Do you resist loving these parts of yourself that are John Wayne Gacy or Peter Scully?

Returning to your original question; does unconditional romantic love exist? I'd say no. The other question I would ask is, would you be able to maintain a romantic relationship if you were absolutely unconditionally loving? I don't know, possibly you could hold both frames at once, but I lean towards no.

[Felinez]

@Judy2 @Caoimhin Thank you both so much for your brilliant answers. 

TLDR @ the bottom

If i may , id love to get your thoughts on another question related to the practical applications of unconditional love. 

Even if one were to attain a state of unconditional love ( enlightenment , god realization) and be able to love someone like peter scully, j.w gacy. 

Would it be appropiate to show those particular people the same amount of love and kindness you would show normal people?

I dont think retributive justice is effective, but the path of extreme compassion and acceptance and no outrage at all doesnt seem to be the right attitude to take with one who brutally tortured  children either.

Someone who is capable of torturing a child is likely quite selfish and narcissistic and considers their desire for sadism to be more important than the childs whole life.

Wouldnt being extremely compassionate and accepting to someone like this, just accentuate and enable their feelings of superiority?

How do you think someone who is enlightened/ god realized who realizes that we are all fundamentally one.

And that john wayne gacy , peter scully do not really have free will,( as they are not even themselves, they are god themselves) and are merely products of their nature/ nurture and conditioning none of which are under their control 

Should react to some one like jhon wayne gacy, scully?

To me this question is very similar to the question, how should we treat criminals , after realizing they have no free will.

Tldr- How should an enlightened , god realized person who cannot help but love all of reality including sadistic psychopaths , treat sadistic psychopaths? 

To disencourage such behaviour should and enlightened one "act" dismissively and frustrated with the criminal? Or should he be his normal self and treat that person with the unconditional love/ acceptance he cant help but have?