Neurotypicals have rules but then they break them

[Chives99]

I've decided to go back to therapy as I can't understand the neurotypical , neurodiverse communication barrier and its causing me distress and problems, my brain is to logical and tries to logical formulate how to get to know a girl, autistic people also are more emotionally sensitive and get upset more easily over setbacks and mistakes and difficulties leading to lower self esteem. I need to develop emotional resilience and realise the sky isnt going to fall if i make a blunder or theres a miscommunication. I said to my therapist i need x amount of rapport before i ask her out and he said " now thats a rule , neurotypicals dont operate via rules, rules are just guidelines and can be broken if it doesnt fit them in the moment, what would you do if a girl asked you out as soon as you met her would you reject because it goes against your rule book". Logic doesnt work for socialising this means each situation is unique and can't be pinned down into neat rigid boxes, its not black and white, its infinite shades of grey. Neurotypicals behave on vibe and feeling in the moment where I would consult my logical mental notepad of stuff ive done in the past and try to pull something from that but because socialising is fluid it would confuse them as im trying to apply something that cant be cross applied to this new situation. I do have to say though autism is good at remembering everything socially I'm like bill murray on groundhog day where i remember everything about everyone and how they behave it also helps when psychology and personal development and humanitarian stuff are your special interests. I decided to throw my rule book away and just ask her out she said she was seeing someone at this moment of time but im glad i was able to do it and throw away my rules and now she knows im interested if she want to in the future. MY thereapist laughed " we'll make a neurotypical out of you yet" although i still like my autism for my special interests and quirkiness. 

 

I made 3 sticking points to get out of logical mode when getting to know a girl and trying to figure out where shes interested or not because its not a case of shes interested or not interested , in or out, its 50% interest, 60% interest 70% interest or whatever, many shades of grey and she may even consider you if she wasnt dating anyone. my sticking points are

 

• Dont need convo from her (Trying to figure out if she reciprocates and is interested )
• dont need attention from or care about her opinion of you (trying to figure out if im in or out in terms of having a chance)
• Dont listen in to guys shes talking about (Trying to figure out whether to go for it or not) the only exception to that last one is if you hear her say she has a boyfriend, then you can call her out if she does continue to flirt " dont you have a boyfriend". that will stop game playing.

 

Essentially here im trying to let go of knowing the autistic brain analysies everything to death but the bottom line is you cant tell what shes thinking theres over a million variables, a bit of reflection is good to give you some general ideas about stuff going on, but you cant know it entirely, its like heisenbergs uncertainty principle, the more you try to pin reality down, the more it escapes from you.

Edited June 10, 2023 by Chives99

[Chives99]

Autistic women generally are usually very anxious, it's hard to get them to be open and flirtatious and sexual. My first girlfriend stared down at the floor . Neuro typical women aren't like this I can flirt and be sexual with them right off the bat.  I'm great at eye contact and flirting but being overly logical is my personal down fall and being overly emotional about setbacks ,(thinking the world's going to end) some of my best friends are autistic guys we understand each others quirks.