Secondary Life Purpose?

[100rockets]

I've been avoiding trying to find my life purpose because that was a scary subject but I need to find a reason to look into the future and wake up every day.
I can't afford Leos life purpose course right now but if anyone can recommend anything else for now I'd appreciate it.
The reason its scary is because ever since I was a kid I had this dream and a love for music that was my purpose however because of how I grew up and circumstances didn't allow me to pursue and fully master that. I know that this is victims mentality and of course I also take responsibility for being lazy and not pushing hard enough. I'm not young enough to pursue that now and that is the only thing I could think of doing that would make me happy. It's been a major source of depression knowing that I can't actualize that dream. I had a few other ideas in the same field of art, music and such but I am so not interested in the business side of things, I just want to create however I don't see how I can make a living out of this now and I'm not sure which direction to look at. I'm hoping to find a secondary life purpose. All I do know is that I'd want to do, create something that I will enjoy the process of and will be an inspiration for people. 

Edited March 18, 2017 by 100rockets

[h inandout]

I just learned that I'm a multipotentialite (google it), and I feel waaaaaaay better. I cannot stay focused on one particular field, and that is a huge benefit.  I am great at learning new things, adapting, synthesizing, problem solving and navigating the many dimensions of the human psyche.  I am terrible at staying focused.  I've noticed though, lately, that I JUST NEED TO KEEP GOING.  As soon as I latch on to something I am excited about, I get really deep in it really fast.  Rather than beating myself up about never being able to finish anything, or feeling afraid to try something new, I just get on board with the excitement!  I am also way more skillful now at pursuing my many loves with more equanimity and balance as in, no I'm not seeking a thrill as an addict would.  I am just seeking genuine deep connection with being in love with life.

Yes I am a Scorpio if that means anything to anyone...

[Pelin]

@MissMiki That makes me feel better.. I can't stop listing my interests when someone asks and some people just think that it clashes with my view of minimalism (like I own few possessings and no motivation to buy new stuff) as if I need only one thing to pursue.

[Nahm]

Who is stopping you from doing anything you want?

[ParanoidAndroid]

Are you sure you couldn't still do it? How old are? 

[100rockets]

21 hours ago, MissMiki said:

I just learned that I'm a multipotentialite

Haha that made me smile!  I'm a multipotentialite too 

@ParanoidAndroid it's not practical, to really excel at it i would have had to start really early, master it and push hard to make a name for myself. Perhaps I can still do it on a smaller scale as a hoby or just for inspiration. This whole industry is mostly filled with either very successful artists who make a very good living and on the other hand people want it but get no where and are broke.  

@Nahm no one really I just don't believe it's practical for me at this time

Edited March 19, 2017 by 100rockets

[h inandout]

So I went and sang with a few busking bands yesterday.  I was having a lot of great ideas about how I could strategically profit off of what little skill I have already.  I also go really overwhelmed, so I came home to rest today.  I also have found that my roommate is surprisingly still not mad at me for not being able to pay rent.  I was raised to hate myself for never being able to meet anybody's expectations, and that became a self-fulfilling problem, because now I believe that everybody hates me, and I'm slowly being introduced to different people and a positively attracting a state-of-mind, so maybe eventually I won't feel like everybody hates me or like I'm perpetually inadequate.  I have been blessed to have some rare glimpses at what it feels like to floor people with my creative force.  I would like to increase the number of those glimpses of true flow.  

I've heard a few musicians (college educated in music - unlike me) who were sooooo hard on themselves.  And yet they are so unaware of how vast the musical/creative field is outside of the wrote study of classical or jazz music.   It made me sad for them because they worked so hard to not feel fulfilled.  I however can see that I can use my own creative process (like singing with random buskers) to improve myself in unexpected ways.  I am way more courageous now.  I can envision using this to be a better teacher (think about how much better your teachers were who had actually lived a little).  I am incredible at meeting new people, and when I start to amalgamate a more solid vision, I know what kinds of questions to ask and what kinds of people will have the answer, and this is an ongoing process.  I have learned so much about who I would want to do the business for me by literally just having fun with people and then asking them about whatever I'm feeling curious about in the moment.  

Okay, now, I'm feeling a little bit better about life, and I have things to go do that are gonna make me feel more on track.

I wish you the same.

[100rockets]

@MissMiki Thank you for that! Now thinking about it I have a lot of interests myself I'm going to try and follow your footsteps because it sounds like fun. Perhaps I will comes up with something

[ParanoidAndroid]

31 minutes ago, 100rockets said:

@ParanoidAndroid it's not practical, to really excel at it i would have had to start really early, master it and push hard to make a name for myself. Perhaps I can still do it on a smaller scale as a hoby or just for inspiration. This whole industry is mostly filled with either very successful artists who make a very good living and on the other hand people want it but get no where and are broke.

It's true it's a very hard industry to make a living in and it's true that starting young makes a big difference but how old are you?  

[Nahm]

@MissMiki Learn guitar?   Sing & play. Be your own busker. Pay your half of the rent. 

 

http://m.wikihow.com/Make-Money-Busking-(Street-Performing)

 

 

[black]

Buy Leo's self help book list instead then. $35 I think? He has list of the top self help books relating to Life purpose, any one of which will help you solve your problem in the short term, though it wouldn't solve all of your long term problems.

Really, the life purpose course would be ideal for you, since he addresses all of the issues that you bring up - how to make a living doing what you love, and addressing your limiting beliefs. Really, i would get any job you can and work until you have enough money to pay for that course, it may be one of the most important things you ever do.