How to get sexual and emotional needs met while single

[Karmadhi]

18 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Isn’t what is worth it the man you become from this process?

Most of pickup I see is coercion when it comes to actually getting results (outside of simply approaching and having a good conversation).

"I am not sure about this"

"Yes it is ok no worries, all good, come along"

"Hmmm not sure"

"Yes all good, come come"

This feels like high pressure sales, it works but it is based on you being super pushy.

Also I am not saying personality is not important but not for attraction. Comfort, rapport, intimacy and love are personality based. However attraction is what most guys struggle with, including myself. And that is quite looks based.

I have no issues with comfort rapport love etc.

Edited June 13, 2023 by Karmadhi

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

Triggered much?

 

You can require all the qualities that you want. But you have to stay behind your decision and be ready to wait for the right girl with those qualities. 

You are quite right.
Isn't that why a lot of girls including you stay single? 
Are you up to it? I see few women with a sufficient pedigree, but it may be your case!

Quote

Besides that, I don't see anything wrong or that I'm "asking for too much" with my requirements. I said things that a guy could even work on, only if he wanted to (being authentic, ambitious (so not a lazy ass person)). Being handsome cause that brings attraction in bed. All the stuff he can work on.

1)Authentic means nothing.

2)Ambitious too, and, etymologically speaking, ambitious is not the opposite of lazy.
You can be ambitious and lazy and vice versa.

 

I don't have a problem with any of that, I don't care, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the most nihilistic, down-to-earth people, call it what you want, on this forum. It's not you who are going to unleash me ah ah.
The problem is to water down your need for a man with a good pedigree to subconsciously ensure that you or those who read you do not allow room for the possibility of a more essentialist diagnosis of the reality of the environment and human relations in general.

It's not just you, many here are doing the same to safeguard their progressive and liberal paradigm downstream.

Quote

While you mention tight vagina and big breast, something we cannot control. But hey, if that's what you want, go ahead ? 

Nor is a man's beauty fundamentally controllable.

For breasts and vagina I was trolling you.

Edited June 13, 2023 by Schizophonia

[something_else]

37 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

well then it isn’t your true personality . The quotation marks says it all

what one could say is the basis for attractiveness is this authentic energy you are expressing rn so that’s something to build from I would say 

Some guy's true and authentic personality is just not attractive to women. For example some guys are authentically shy, autistic, and introverted. Or some guys are basement dwelling neckbeards who love video games. Or some guys are incredibly wholesome. There's nothing wrong with these really, but they aren't attractive to the majority of women despite being very authentic personality types.

When you say 'authenticity is the basis for attractiveness' what you mean is a very specific kind of authenticity which is more akin to confidence, leadership, and fearlessness.

[somegirl]

30 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

You are quite right.
Isn't that why a lot of girls including you stay single? 
Are you up to it? I see few women with a sufficient pedigree, but it may be your case!

I wasn't single up until 2 year ago, just a little side note ?

But yeah, I don't know if I am up to it since I realized few days ago that I desire to fullfill some of my human needs lol.

Like, these qualities I listed are ideal, but I am willing to take compromises and forget about some requirements. Just not crucial ones. 

30 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

The problem is to water down your need for a man with a good pedigree to subconsciously ensure that you or those who read you do not allow room for the possibility of a more essentialist diagnosis of the reality of the environment and human relations in general.

As I said, I am willing to make compromises. 

30 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Nor is a man's beauty fundamentally controllable.

Going to the gym is something one can do, I was referring to that. I wasn't referring to facial brauty you are born with. 

As I mentioned in earlier comment, I surprised myself when I found myself attracted to a guy who is totally not my type appearance-wise, but his authenticity just made me fall for him. So authenticity matters a bunch and can make someone more beautiful.

Edited June 13, 2023 by somegirl

[Sugarcoat]

13 minutes ago, something_else said:

Some guy's true and authentic personality is just not attractive to women. For example some guys are authentically shy, autistic, and introverted. Or some guys are basement dwelling neckbeards who love video games. Or some guys are incredibly wholesome. There's nothing wrong with these really, but they aren't attractive to the majority of women despite being very authentic personality types.

When you say 'authenticity is the basis for attractiveness' what you mean is a very specific kind of authenticity which is more akin to confidence, leadership, and fearlessness.

I see your point here actually, and I agree. 
 

if your goal is to increase your likelihood of creating that early attraction with women in general then yes this is true

But then when it comes to attracting just the right girl for you then this authenticity is crucial even if you have a not conventionally attractive personality . Because even if most aren’t attracted to it there will be someone out there. And whoever that will be will be just right since you’re showing your true self so it will be that deep resonance 

it’s perhaps a harder path in some way but simultaneously authenticity is effortless  

[Sugarcoat]

50 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Most of pickup I see is coercion when it comes to actually getting results (outside of simply approaching and having a good conversation).

"I am not sure about this"

"Yes it is ok no worries, all good, come along"

"Hmmm not sure"

"Yes all good, come come"

This feels like high pressure sales, it works but it is based on you being super pushy.

Also I am not saying personality is not important but not for attraction. Comfort, rapport, intimacy and love are personality based. However attraction is what most guys struggle with, including myself. And that is quite looks based.

I have no issues with comfort rapport love etc.

Yea I see. I have my own struggles so don’t really know what to say here much. 
 

 

[something_else]

17 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I see your point here actually, and I agree. 
 

if your goal is to increase your likelihood of creating that early attraction with women in general then yes this is true

But then when it comes to attracting just the right girl for you then this authenticity is crucial even if you have a not conventionally attractive personality . Because even if most aren’t attracted to it there will be someone out there. And whoever that will be will be just right since you’re showing your true self so it will be that deep resonance 

it’s perhaps a harder path in some way but simultaneously authenticity is effortless  

Well lets say that 10% of men under 30 are basement dwelling neckbeards or some equivalent conventionally unattractive personality type. There are maybe 2% of women under 30 who could feasibly be attracted to that archetype of guy if he was suitably authentic. What do the other 8% of guys do? No matter how authentic they are they will never attract a girl because there literally aren't enough women in the world who would be attracted to their authentic personality.

So those men really have to take some effort to increase the likelihood of creating that early attraction or they will end up alone.

The advice of being authentic works for the majority of women, and it works for guys who are already attractive, either by personality/charisma, looks or status. It works because the initial attraction is already covered and what you need the authenticity for is building a solid relationship.

Edited June 13, 2023 by something_else

[Sugarcoat]

21 minutes ago, something_else said:

Well lets say that 10% of men under 30 are basement dwelling neckbeards or some equivalent conventionally unattractive personality type. There are maybe 2% of women under 30 who could feasibly be attracted to that archetype of guy if he was suitably authentic. What do the other 8% of guys do? No matter how authentic they are they will never attract a girl because there literally aren't enough women in the world who would be attracted to their authentic personality.

So those men really have to take some effort to increase the likelihood of creating that early attraction or they will end up alone.

The advice of being authentic works for the majority of women, and it works for guys who are already attractive, either by personality/charisma, looks or status. It works because the initial attraction is already covered and what you need the authenticity for is building a solid relationship.

Well I would actually agree with you once again.

What I would say tho is that I doubt that the majority of these guys with these conventionally unattractive personalities really are “authentic “ . 
 

So for example those gamers in moms basement are probably driven by some psychological addiction and perhaps past trauma acting through them making them be the way they are rather than that being their authentic self, even if they seem fully embodied in their personality. 
 

So being able to embody authentic self takes work to undue all those forces acting through you - and that authentic self would probably be different than that isolated gamer guy - probably more attractive to more women

but maybe this is just my own disconnection from myself where I feel nothing is really truly me
 

 

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

I wasn't single up until 2 year ago, just a little side note ?

But yeah, I don't know if I am up to it since I realized few days ago that I desire to fullfill some of my human needs lol.

Like, these qualities I listed are ideal, but I am willing to take compromises and forget about some requirements. Just not crucial ones. 

As I said, I am willing to make compromises. 

Going to the gym is something one can do, I was referring to that. I wasn't referring to facial brauty you are born with. 

As I mentioned in earlier comment, I surprised myself when I found myself attracted to a guy who is totally not my type appearance-wise, but his authenticity just made me fall for him. So authenticity matters a bunch and can make someone more beautiful.

I see, I believe I "semantically" translated "to want" by requiring.
Maybe the language, idk.

[StarStruck]

Most males got sex through religion in the past. Their community would hook them up with a wife. Nowadays a bottom feeder don’t get to breed. Perhaps with a desperate female who is on the edge of becoming infertile who wants children. 

Women don’t choose partners with their brain but with their emotion so you need to find a way to be able to incite certain emotions in her that will make her like you. 

Being authentic is the dumbest advice ever. What does that even mean. At the end you will find to fix your masculine chemistry to flourish and live and attract a female. 

People using these buzz words without even knowing what they mean. Most females say they want a certain type of man and they choose another. 

 

Edited June 13, 2023 by StarStruck

[ndm678]

23 hours ago, somegirl said:

So far I didn't meet anyone special when I went out. Cause I go out in places where people usually drink lol. 

But I might join some social clubs, I will see. 

I stopped trying to meet people at bars and clubs. It seems drinking is an important element to their lives, and I'm not that type of person.

Social clubs/events are the way to go.  In my own experience, I've meet the coolest women at 'painting night', 'ukulele club', and events the University does for agriculture. 

These are all in the neatest city, which is quite a hike. The people there also live quite a distance away as well. But it sounds like your 'hometown well' is a little shallow.

Best of luck in your journey with this ??

[somegirl]

31 minutes ago, ndm678 said:

I stopped trying to meet people at bars and clubs. It seems drinking is an important element to their lives, and I'm not that type of person.

Social clubs/events are the way to go.  In my own experience, I've meet the coolest women at 'painting night', 'ukulele club', and events the University does for agriculture. 

Funny that you mention ukulele ? Since my friend plays it.

But yeah, I agree. Gotta see where to join. 

There was some nature camping I wanted to be part of but all places are taken ?

 

[Karmadhi]

2 hours ago, something_else said:

The advice of being authentic works for the majority of women,

It works because women are way pickier than guys. 

2 hours ago, something_else said:

When you say 'authenticity is the basis for attractiveness' what you mean is a very specific kind of authenticity which is more akin to confidence, leadership, and fearlessness.

"Just be yourself bro".

"Just be confident bro".

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

So authenticity matters a bunch and can make someone more beautiful

What was his authentic personality like?

[Chives99]

bunch of dudes here need to work on practicing self- love . How can you be open to being vulnerable with someone if you dont love yourself, when you love yourself you dont need anything from anyone  then your personality and charisma shines through. In terms of meeting a partner you need to find someone who gels with your personality, ive encountered plenty of women that i found physically attractive but i didnt gel with their personality so no point in dating them, although i wouldn't turn my nose at sex if it was on the table, but i dont think most warm blooded males would, doesnt mean i would want to date them though incompatibility issue

[integral]

4 hours ago, somegirl said:

tight vagina and big breast, something we cannot control

My gf has been doing this for a few months, night and day transformation. ?Not even joking. 

[integral]

5 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Don’t forget the soy milk. 

@StarStruck @Schizophonia Wait but you guys do realize that guy gets girls throwing them selves at him then second he speaks? Hes balance masculine/feminine, this is what you want to develop both, to be over developmental in masculinity will get you superficial results.

To be honest you guys talk like virgins with not real experience in relationships. I'm not trying to pick fun here, I grew up with a sister in a green family, when talking to in real life women its natural and effortless there is a connection built and they always like me and they pursue me or show first interest. The game you guys are playing is like to reverse engineer the missed development you guys had with out social exposure to a healthy mother and sister growing up. 

Edited June 13, 2023 by integral

[StarStruck]

36 minutes ago, integral said:

@StarStruck @Schizophonia Wait but you guys do realize that guy gets girls throwing them selves at him then second he speaks? Hes balance masculine/feminine, this is what you want to develop both, to be over developmental in masculinity will get you superficial results.

To be honest you guys talk like virgins with not real experience in relationships. I'm not trying to pick fun here, I grew up with a sister in a green family, when talking to in real life women its natural and effortless there is a connection built and they always like me and they pursue me or show first interest. The game you guys are playing is like to reverse engineer the missed development you guys had with out social exposure to a healthy mother and sister growing up. 

So if I had a hot sister, my life would have been different. And I also saw the last comment you deleted. ?

[integral]

32 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

So if I had a hot sister, my life would have been different. And I also saw the last comment you deleted. ?

LmAoo well she doesn't have to be hot and btw you would not find your own sister hot and I think that's a important development of some kind. She could have a perfect figure and it would not look attractive to you.

I just see a lot of theory about what is attractive, it sounds right but its missing the component where your there actual friend, where your not coming from pure neediness to sleep with her with an agenda, where she is your sister, that your mature enough to understand she is a person and your not viewing her as "the hot 10". Got to talk to them like normal people! I don't know how to explain it other then i know what it was like when I was 20 and what I was experiencing when interacting with women was 100% that i wanted sex from them and created fantasies about romance with them and everything that left my mouth was not genuine.

The right frame is that your there understanding father or brother whos there genuine friend but can also sleep with them. lol Im not saying you want to make her feel like your her brother, thats wrong, im saying YOUR frame is that your her brother. Be mature! 

Edited June 13, 2023 by integral

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, integral said:

My gf has been doing this for a few months, night and day transformation. ?Not even joking. 

Quite interesting. A bit extreme, most women probably wouldn't go about it the way she does but kiegel exercises can help. Just goes to show we have to watch what we think is impossible because our minds and experiences are limited. Bigger breasts... that's easy, even nature provides solutions to that. Bigger penises too and all sorts of body parts can be changed. Even the non-physical like mindsets are changeable. This Universe is infinite and forever changing. We're the ones that always want to remain the same. There's a solution for everything except stopping change itself. When we open our minds the answers will come. 

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, Chives99 said:

bunch of dudes here need to work on practicing self- love . How can you be open to being vulnerable with someone if you dont love yourself, when you love yourself you dont need anything from anyone  then your personality and charisma shines through. In terms of meeting a partner you need to find someone who gels with your personality, ive encountered plenty of women that i found physically attractive but i didnt gel with their personality so no point in dating them, although i wouldn't turn my nose at sex if it was on the table, but i dont think most warm blooded males would, doesnt mean i would want to date them though incompatibility issue

I really can't understand the principle of "self-love."
This is not a subject for me, I may be disappointed with my ability to move my agenda forward for x reason but that's it.

1 hour ago, integral said:

@StarStruck @Schizophonia Wait but you guys do realize that guy gets girls throwing them selves at him then second he speaks? Hes balance masculine/feminine, this is what you want to develop both, to be over developmental in masculinity will get you superficial results.

To be honest you guys talk like virgins with not real experience in relationships. I'm not trying to pick fun here, I grew up with a sister in a green family, when talking to in real life women its natural and effortless there is a connection built and they always like me and they pursue me or show first interest. The game you guys are playing is like to reverse engineer the missed development you guys had with out social exposure to a healthy mother and sister growing up. 

We're just having fun.
Don't forget that you don't have the same biology as me, that you haven't been exposed to the same culture and upbringing, haven't had the same life lessons etc.

What you consider virtuous is a problem for us, that's all.

1 hour ago, integral said:

My gf has been doing this for a few months, night and day transformation. ?Not even joking. 

Ha ha, why not.