How to get sexual and emotional needs met while single

[integral]

I'm asking because I don't think there is a realistic solution here other then to enter a healthy relationship. 

[somegirl]

7 minutes ago, integral said:

I think that makes it far less complicated! Poor standards is a nightmare. 

Absolutely. 

I know how it is first hand (having poor standards). I was miserable.

However, now I am unhappy cause I need to wait for all these things to line up so my physical needs can be meet. 

Just now, integral said:

I'm asking because I don't think there is a realistic solution here other then to enter a healthy relationship. 

I'm gonna cry 

[Qarni]

@somegirl The more i spend time single. The deepest my desire get to be with somebody who is oversensitive and emotional intelligent. Cause now only this type of girl can make me feel satisfied only. 

 

I think the only solution is to be with somebody who is emotionally available. Other solutions, masturbation, porn, toys etc nothing works. 

[somegirl]

3 minutes ago, Qarni said:

The more i spend time single. The deepest my desire get to be with somebody who is oversensitive and emotional intelligent

Oversensitive? Ouch, believe me, they are hellish to deal with. They will blame you for turning your head slightly left instead of right, so mych so that you won't be able to behave normally cause they take everything as an attack and personally.

Speaking from my own experience. ?

Edited June 10, 2023 by somegirl

[Someone here]

It's called masturbation. 

[Chives99]

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

Can you briefly explain what is a massage parlour? And an escort? What they are supposed to do?

English is my second language. ?

You can get erotic massages that are very spiritually cleansing or visit a sex worker read some reviews but don't ever develop feelings for them lol 

[mr_engineer]

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

I have certain standards. It's not that simple. I can't just be with any guy, just because he's a guy. 

I can't have sex with just anyone, it needs to be with someone who would care and respect me too, who I also fulfills my standards.

Makes things more complicated, doesn't it? ??

How I'm gonna meet him? Have no clue. I gave up on thinking about that. 

Then you can't be single and get your needs met. Self-respecting mature men don't 'care for' women who they're not dating, who they're just sleeping with. Because they don't have an incentive to care for you, you're not an attachment-figure for them. 

If you're single and you're not directly working on solving that problem, you are attracting two types of guys - one is the 'nice guy' who probably worships you, who helps you out in other ways but is too scared to make a move sexually, and the other is the 'player' who will have sex with you because he has good game, but who won't care for you. They won't care about meeting your standards, because they're getting into your pants. And that's all they care about. 

I'd suggest you drop the shortcuts and directly work on your attachment-relationship issues. Whatever's keeping you single. 

I'm not saying that there is no other way to be 'cared for' than to be in a relationship. I'm saying that if you want both, to be cared for and the good sex, you only get that through a relationship. HTH! 

[somegirl]

36 minutes ago, Chives99 said:

You can get erotic massages that are very spiritually cleansing

Oh. I don't think there are such places here in this country. But I'm not sure, will look it up. 

38 minutes ago, Chives99 said:

visit a sex worker read some reviews but don't ever develop feelings for them lol 

Ah, no thank you. 

[somegirl]

31 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Then you can't be single and get your needs met. Self-respecting mature men don't 'care for' women who they're not dating, who they're just sleeping with. Because they don't have an incentive to care for you, you're not an attachment-figure for them. 

Would disagree. 

34 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

I'm not saying that there is no other way to be 'cared for' than to be in a relationship. I'm saying that if you want both, to be cared for and the good sex, you only get that through a relationship. HTH! 

Well I realized this just now lol. 

I actually want a relationship. 

Dunno why this was so hard to figure out from the beginning lol.

[somegirl]

@mr_engineer yeah but I would disagree that men don't care for you when they only sleep with you. 

I mean we can freely let go of that notion. Like the only way to be cared for is to be in relationship. Men are human beings capable of taking care of girls even if they are only sleeping with them. 

[Spiral]

14 hours ago, somegirl said:

I basically NEED someone to fullfill my sexual needs. So what can I do to compensate for that need I have while single?

No, use the suffering to motivate you. So you become the kind of girl who get the guy she wants.

Edited June 10, 2023 by Spiral

[somegirl]

4 minutes ago, Spiral said:

No, use the suffering to motivate you. So you become the kind of girl who get the guy she wants.

Motivate me in what sense?

Would love to become that girl!

[Spiral]

6 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Motivate me in what sense?

Would love to become that girl!

Hunger motivates you to eat. Tiredness to sleep. Loneliness to make friends. 

This is the same. To better yourself and heal. 

[mr_engineer]

26 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I mean we can freely let go of that notion. Like the only way to be cared for is to be in relationship. Men are human beings capable of taking care of girls even if they are only sleeping with them. 

They're capable of it, they can do it. But, will they? And why should they, what do they get out of it? 

In a perfect world, humanity will have figured out how to make polyamory work perfectly and there won't be any possessiveness. But, in practice, with monogamy being the normal way to create relationship-security, with sex having the biological risks that it does, with the sexualization of women being as mainstream as it is, taking care of a woman you're sleeping with is a very, very tall order. This is an unsafe world for women and protecting a woman is a lot of work. Why should they take on the challenge of doing so, if they don't get exclusivity?

Getting laid is a literal dog-fight between men right now. Men are going to do anything they can to get into your pants. They will have good, bad and ugly strategies. Taking care of a woman you're sleeping with is a very tall ask. And it requires sufficient incentive. 

[somegirl]

4 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

This is an unsafe world for women and protecting a woman is a lot of work. Why should they take on the challenge of doing so, if they don't get exclusivity?

Because being a man doesn't depend on whether or not you are exclusive with someone or not. If you are a man, you have a need to protect, and will protect a girl cause that's how you are. How you choose to be. 

Will you not feed a hungry person just because you don't have anything to do with said person (it's not your cousin, friend, spouse)?

It's just manners and humanity.

Edited June 10, 2023 by somegirl

[mr_engineer]

7 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Because being a man doesn't depend on whether or not you are exclusive with someone or not. If you are a man, you have a need to protect, and will protect a girl cause that's how you are. How you choose to be. 

 

This is in a pre-feminist world, where women didn't have equal rights. As women gain more equality, men are becoming more and more passive. This is not a coincidence. 

The least you can give a man for protecting you, is sexual exclusivity. Men need to be able to secure people they can sleep with, in this otherwise unsafe dog-eat-dog world. It's not a safe world for men either. They're just stronger than women to be able to battle it out, they're built better for surviving in a 'survival of the fittest' unsafe world. And the way they do it is by being territorial. 

Edited June 10, 2023 by mr_engineer

[mr_engineer]

9 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Will you not feed a hungry person just because you don't have anything to do with said person (it's not your cousin, friend, spouse)?

It's just manners and humanity.

I will. And you will. But the average person won't. And I don't see it as a fair expectation. Because the world is unsafe for everyone, not just you. Or the hungry person. 

[somegirl]

23 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

The least you can give a man for protecting you, is sexual exclusivity. Men need to be able to secure people they can sleep with,

Do you think I don't want this? ?

The usual situation is thay men don't want to commit. I do. 

[mr_engineer]

2 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Do you think I don't want this? ?

The usual situation is thay men don't want to commit. I do. 

Alright. So, you're in reality about what a man who will commit wants and you're not resisting it. Good. This is the transactional part, these are the rules of the game that you're playing. You see these rules and you're saying 'I still want to play'. Good sign. 

The story doesn't end here, though. The real challenge begins now. Now, you are in competition against a horde of women who want the same thing as you. And, they're playing by the same rules. What do you do now? 

The answer to this question is that you find a way to stand out. And, in today's social-media age, the way you do that is that you find your authentic feminine expression, you figure out your ideal 'masculine archetype' that you want to be in relationship with and you figure out a way to make your masculine/feminine dynamic work. You don't have to do this in the context of dating, you can experiment with this in other contexts as well. 

Then, you figure out your criteria for compatibility, you figure out the men you're going for. Based on this, you figure out a dating-strategy, i.e. how you're going to go about creating this relationship. Then, you apply it to reality, look at the pitfalls you fall into and based on practical reality, define the 'red-flags' that you want to avoid. This is how you vet men. 

The farther along this journey you go, the more the men you want will see you as a high-quality option. Because when they see your standards and your criteria, they will see 'security'. And, a woman who knows what she wants is worth her weight in gold in today's world. There is a lot of bad information about what women want. It takes a lot of research for men to figure it out. If you know what you want and if men see you not settling for less, they will feel secure with you. 

[Leo Gura]

Lol, if there was a way, everyone would just be single and there would be no more babies.