When she tells you she is in an open relationship

[StarStruck]

Without you asking

Does that mean anything?

Usually it is older women who sprinkle their open relationship status into the conversation without me asking. 

But I’m not interested in older women so I never nibbled the bait but what do you guys think?

Also do you think women being nervous around you is a good sign or a bad sign? I thought nervous women around me was a bad sign but I found it means they like you and they walk on egg shells. 

Nowadays I’m just going out for socializing so I’m not out there to get me some. Mostly meditating and contemplating and going out once a week to develop my social skills. 

Edited June 8, 2023 by StarStruck

[Roy]

It means they are physically attracted and they probably just want you to pump them. Otherwise they wouldn't be bringing it up spontaneously.

It's not worth the drama and logistical headache to be involved in anyways.

Imagine renting a car while someone else is already renting or owns it. You have needs and places to be but your use of the car is spotty and unreliable at best, and might even be at the complete mercy of someone else's approval.. Not to mention even if you end up liking the car a lot, chances are you'll never be able to take it for yourself.

That's what getting involved in open relationships is like. Stay away.

On 6/8/2023 at 4:22 PM, StarStruck said:

Also do you think women being nervous around you is a good sign or a bad sign?

Typically good from everything I know. It means they respect and fear you somewhat.

[Princess Arabia]

40 minutes ago, Roy said:

It means they are physically attracted and they probably just want you to pump them. Otherwise they wouldn't be bringing it up spontaneously.

It's not worth the drama and logistical headache to be involved in anyways.

Imagine renting a car while someone else is already renting or owns it. You have needs and places to be but your use of the car is spotty and unreliable at best, and might even be at the complete mercy of someone else's approval.. Not to mention even if you end up liking the car a lot, chances are you'll never be able to take it for yourself.

That's what getting involved in open relationships is like. Stay away.

Typically good from everything I know. It means they respect and fear you somewhat.

Why do you think fearing a guy is a good sign? You think nervousness = respect....i don't think so.

[Roy]

18 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Why do you think fearing a guy is a good sign? You think nervousness = respect....i don't think so.

A healthy amount of fear/nervousness is a good thing. It's an emotional indicator and check that keeps one from making reckless, stupid, or disrespectful decisions. It's the same reason you (hopefully) had a healthy fear of your father. It's the same reason you have (reasonably) a healthy fear of your employer.

Typical functioning relationships that last, the man (or masculine dynamic) is the leader. Women naturally want to be led by their man. Leadership by it's nature requires a certain degree of healthy fear instilled to those being led.

Those who don't respect their leader because that fear is coming from a toxic place, or don't trust their competence, will cause the dynamic to fail. You won't stay with a man you don't respect. You also will (healthily) fear disrespecting or disappointing him if you respect him, while you won't if you don't.

Edited June 10, 2023 by Roy

[Princess Arabia]

29 minutes ago, Roy said:

A healthy amount of fear/nervousness is a good thing. It's an emotional indicator and check that keeps one from making reckless, stupid, or disrespectful decisions. It's the same reason you (hopefully) had a healthy fear of your father. It's the same reason you have (reasonably) a healthy fear of your employer.

Typical functioning relationships that last, the man (or masculine dynamic) is the leader. Women naturally want to be led by their man. Leadership by it's nature requires a certain degree of healthy fear instilled to those being led.

Those who don't respect their leader because that fear is coming from a toxic place, or don't trust their competence, will cause the dynamic to fail. You won't stay with a man you don't respect. You also will (healthily) fear disrespecting or disappointing him if you respect him, while you won't if you don't.

Ok. Interesting POV. Never looked at healthy fear that way when it came to man/woman relationships. I understand that healthy fear can be a good thing when it comes to circumstances regarding life threatening situations like a moving train or a burning building or a hot stove etc. but never in an intimate relationship. Respect, yes but not fear, healthy or not. I have to evaluate my interpretation of what healthy fear in a relationship feels like to see if I agree with you on this or not because I might be missing something, but I respect your POV on this.

[Roy]

38 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Respect, yes but not fear

Fear is one of the dynamics that is subtly woven into what "Respect" is.

39 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Ok. Interesting POV.

Cheers @Princess Arabia

[puporing]

Hard to say really. You could also just be someone they felt safe enough to express honestly with, the rest I can't say coz I wasn't there to see the interaction, it's just not necessarily an expression of interest like most assume it to be.

It's similar to a gay person telling you they're gay, is it always an expression of interest? it could be but depends how it was said/context, sometimes just to express themselves with anyone safe to, I mean how else is a non-normie gonna EVER let anyone know about themselves when they're 95% times surrounded by normies? They can't exactly put a sticker on their head saying they live a different life than most. 

In any case, I would suggest not to get involved (romantically) if you cannot accept the situation and have a need for someone to be totally monogamous.

Edited June 10, 2023 by puporing

[StarStruck]

@Roy @puporing she was nervous when dancing and after she pointed to her bf who just stood next to her. It was so weird. 

I think she was just out for sex and not a relationship anyway. I had my eye on a different girl so I didn’t even consider it.

Just being in a masculine frame without doing any pickup has done more for my attraction than actually doing pickup. 

Currently I’m not even doing pickup. Just going once a week and being in my masculine frame and doing some mindfulness to pick up trauma energy in my body while socializing.

 

[puporing]

@StarStruck lol... She's probably just starting out and figuring things out. most people have no clue how to do open/poly relationships and still think in old ways when they get into it. It's a whole other mindset and way of being to master. Takes a lot of maturity and actual consent from all parties though which makes it tough. 

Edited June 10, 2023 by puporing

[StarStruck]

@puporing you sound like you have direct exp ?

[puporing]

3 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

@puporing you sound like you have direct exp ?

Haha maybe I do .

[integral]

If she messages you that she wants an open relationship out of the blue as a pick up line, she is saying "im willing to add you to the pool of men im having sex with". Its like a free ticket to sex she is offering. 

[Chives99]

if shes nervous its usually because she likes you, so as a guy being cool and stoic but at the same nice friendly and warm will make her comfortable as for the open relationship, its not going to be anymore than sex as shes not going to leave her partner, my dad was with a woman in an open marriage for years, stupidly believed she  was going to leave him for my dad

[puporing]

3 hours ago, integral said:

pool of men

common misconception about people in open situations. There are no "pool of men". 95% of men want strict monogamy like yourself, demonizes poly people/tries to "fix them" and in many cases "pump and dump" poly people through faking a facade of acceptance (though this also happens with typical dating dynamics), and/or are in a monogamist relationship already. And people in open relationships can be just as picky due to the massive consciousness/development required for a healthy poly situation. Their best bet is to find those like themselves instead of strict monogamists, but super hard to find.

Edited June 10, 2023 by puporing

[integral]

41 minutes ago, puporing said:

common misconception about people in open situations. There are no "pool of men". 95% of men want strict monogamy like yourself, demonizes poly people/tries to "fix them" and in many cases "pump and dump" poly people through faking a facade of acceptance (though this also happens with typical dating dynamics), and/or are in a monogamist relationship already. And people in open relationships can be just as picky due to the massive consciousness/development required for a healthy poly situation. Their best bet is to find those like themselves instead of strict monogamists, but super hard to find.

Ah this make sense, didn't realize how challenging it is to keep guys around. 

[puporing]

5 hours ago, integral said:

Ah this make sense, didn't realize how challenging it is to keep guys around. 

it's more like mismatch for both parties, so it's fine really. just saying open relationships does not lead to "more options" like some might imagine. it's more like if you are lucky enough to meet people who can match with you on it and just love you for you not your relationship structure. plus it's not like there's "no commitment" like people make them out to be (depending on the people involved), if you're aiming for quality/long term, it's just a looser/more independent kind of structure overall I would say compared to typical monogamy.

Edited June 11, 2023 by puporing

[integral]

@puporing If we go back to the main question, why would a older woman message a random young good looking guy she has not built any foundation or had no real dialogue with that she wants a open relationship? It strikes me as a attempt to peak his interest? On the other hand I think a lot of men will view this is unattractive as she sounds "loose". 

Edited June 11, 2023 by integral

[puporing]

51 minutes ago, integral said:

@puporing If we go back to the main question, why would a older woman message a random young good looking guy she has not built any foundation or had no real dialogue with that she wants a open relationship? It strikes me as a attempt to peak his interest? On the other hand I think a lot of men will view this is unattractive as she sounds "loose". 

If it is so what? I'm not sure what the problem is. One can always just say no, and seems like he did. 

Yes a lot of men will reject it because they won't be 100% "theirs", (or in many cases take advantage briefly and abuse or even rape the person because they think they deserve it for being in an open/poly relationship, or think they just want sex anyways, this is just the kind of consciousness we're in right now, just look at how you all responded automatically assuming a bunch of stuff about this person), but it's not necessarily because they're not otherwise attractive (though it could also be just that).

Edited June 11, 2023 by puporing

[integral]

@puporing No problem, I'm interested in the psychology involved and why she keeps bringing up the poly thing to him in this situation. 

[integral]

16 hours ago, puporing said:

If it is so what? I'm not sure what the problem is. One can always just say no, and seems like he did. 

Yes a lot of men will reject it because they won't be 100% "theirs", (or in many cases take advantage briefly and abuse or even rape the person because they think they deserve it for being in an open/poly relationship, or think they just want sex anyways, this is just the kind of consciousness we're in right now, just look at how you all responded automatically assuming a bunch of stuff about this person), but it's not necessarily because they're not otherwise attractive (though it could also be just that).

The reason I interpreted things this way in this 1 situation (older woman trying to seduce younger guy who is not showing interest) is because i had the exact same thing happen to me in my 20s with a women i spent about 2 weeks talking to. She explained she was poly many times and then towards the end she started messaging me drunk saying "I would let you do anything to me", for some reason this really turned me off at the time because we didnt even go one 1 date yet and she is already asking for sex, so I stopped talking to her. I understand there are many situations and poly has nothing to do with wanting to have sex with everyone.

Edited June 12, 2023 by integral