How Can I Practice Social Skills If I Don't Care What Anyone Has To Say?

[integral]

The thing with pick up is i cant practice it as i have no interest in what men or women have to say. Its me faking enjoying interacting with them. Its not that I think there dumb, they could all be elon musk and i would still ratter not interact with them and just listen to silence or do my own thing. The only social interactions I actually enjoy is physical challenges like a group of guys practicing martial arts together or challenging each other to do something like rock climbing, problem solving, team projects. Actually talking to people has 0 value to me and gives me no entertainment. Another issues is its not emotionally real, im not connected to them, there has to be some level of closeness for socializing to be worth it. 

Edited June 8, 2023 by integral

[max duewel]

Why would you even want to practice social skills if you don't give a fuck about any of that ? If you only care about bettering your leadership and group interaction skills then do exactly that

 

[integral]

25 minutes ago, max duewel said:

Why would you even want to practice social skills if you don't give a fuck about any of that ? If you only care about bettering your leadership and group interaction skills then do exactly that

Well the issue is general social stress having to be around people that I would like to practice overcoming.

[max duewel]

What do you mean with social stress. Is it draining for you to be social or do you have anxiety ?

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

3 hours ago, integral said:

The thing with pick up is i cant practice it as i have no interest in what men or women have to say. Its me faking enjoying interacting with them. Its not that I think there dumb, they could all be elon musk and i would still ratter not interact with them and just listen to silence or do my own thing. The only social interactions I actually enjoy is physical challenges like a group of guys practicing martial arts together or challenging each other to do something like rock climbing, problem solving, team projects. Actually talking to people has 0 value to me and gives me no entertainment. Another issues is its not emotionally real, im not connected to them, there has to be some level of closeness for socializing to be worth it. 

I did not do much pick up, you can definitely steer the conversation into the direction that you enjoy, I would definitely take care of listening to others as a social skill like martial arts for example even just reflective listening and curiosity, especially a fundamental is curisoity and thinking like the girl. I got recommended a book called chartise hearteau which is good for breaking the barrier into pick-up, yet I find it challenging to deal with the vulnerabillity at times and some stuff is better not practiced. (online & offline)

You can also give your best shot at phyiscal openers and dancing, that might also work as it's also a form of social skill imo and communication. I had some conversations, yet I am not particularly good at this yet and had a wing who helped me. For example he had a text message showing me ask her if she prefers cats and or dogs. (I would never ask such a simple question, I did not even like her, yet he thought I would like her and I just learned, still it worked I did not pull neither was their logistics to pull, I would have needed to stay with the group and risk her dumping me etc.) What I also learned is favorites of wine, to see what type of girl she is usually, red wine = fancy, loves quality, more serious, sensual and white wine = fun, more chill etc. You can look this up on the internet. 

I would just see it as fun, if you don't enjoy it look for tiny distinctions where you can enjoy interactions it all sounds to serious, how about beign playful? You could ask them funny stuff and get curious about getting to know others at least. Although at night time stuff can happen at "bullet time", mostly I am not at this level and apparently I am kicked out of a group, that gives feedback and it's still toxic, and has value. What I don't like is they run evolution type of game with the mystery method the frame is disgusting imo (besides a few naturals with game). I don't know if it's worth it to read about it Leo also mentioned this in his video, yet somehow said something against it on a thread I wrote. So I don't know what to think about it, I personally feel this is the absolute last resort sort of.

Check out some cool infield, and if not use a VPN and download some infield, I can send you a course also, I don't know if this is against the rules, yet it's only about beign social and having value, the course is kind of cheap with it's meditations, I did 25% of it approx, yet you can get a sense of what socialization is about. I still wish I would speak 3-4 languages and flirt with girls and be playful and enjoy human activity more, you also move more into the feminine I find ironically. Although I don't know how much masculine and feminine energy matters in game, as I did it only a hand full of times and also only night game. The course is not about any infield just about beign social and high vibe. Beign chill and social is great, what you seem to have going for you is indifference which is a key confidence trait imo, you can easily find interesting questions and look for body language and train that, that is the most effective I presume. Strong sexy eye contact, a bit of interesting convo and giving her insight into personality (I did a game called cube game during dates, they all loved it and it gave me plenty of insights and they were allowed to play it back, although it's quiet memory intensive, so I did this online), especially as you seem to get bored at convo. Start a convo with your body if you're into all of these things, I bet you can be quiet the looker and get something started physically. Also the course is about what value do you provide socially I made a list for example, that was great so I don't feel like an idiot who has nothing to contribute socially for example. 


Yes, pick-up has a lot of sleezy guys I legit appreciate owen cook a lot for doing this for just having fun and getting better socially. The point is some of the getting social guys feel even worse, so I dunno and society just installs hypergamy I feel at times. Not flirt and fun and beign authentically you. So I know how fake it can feel, yet I also had a burning desire with 16-20 to become very good socially. So I gave my best to be "superficial" and I even enjoyed the light heartedness of beign non-serious, even though I am very serious usually.

You can certainly run your own analysis and create fun on your own, even train like Ralston and create states from scratch that'd be next level type game . (Without Leo DMT Alien (leaving funny stuff out))

 

Edited June 8, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[integral]

@max duewel As a kid I had social anxiety, now its lack of interest, I dont really want to talk to them there is no dopamine.

@ValiantSalvatore Sorry i should of been more specific, for dates and stuff im properly socially calibrated, it goes well and there is a connection that is quickly built with lots of playful fun. The issue is on dates im motivated and want to talk and have fun, for random people i meet when walking my dog in the park everyday I don't really enjoy it. The social issue im having are specifically for meeting random people and having absolutely 0 interest in them. Yes I should change my mindset and try to find the fun in it, but I also have a issue with how society conditioned all of us to speak to each other and its souless, im already fully connected to these people they just dont know it yet.

[LSD-Rumi]

@integral I used to hate socialization and consider it an unnecessary burden. But now I see it as something beautiful.

It is like eating veggies. You learn to love them and see how tasty they are.

Edited June 9, 2023 by LSD-Rumi

[CARDOZZO]

@integral Tell me about your interests…

What are you obsessed with?

[Ramanujan]

7 hours ago, integral said:

The thing with pick up is i cant practice it as i have no interest in what men or women have to say. Its me faking enjoying interacting with them. Its not that I think there dumb, they could all be elon musk and i would still ratter not interact with them and just listen to silence or do my own thing. The only social interactions I actually enjoy is physical challenges like a group of guys practicing martial arts together or challenging each other to do something like rock climbing, problem solving, team projects. Actually talking to people has 0 value to me and gives me no entertainment. Another issues is its not emotionally real, im not connected to them, there has to be some level of closeness for socializing to be worth it. 

find like minded females who are  into what u are into and then date them. when u are talking to them, u are taking about things that intrest u and u will be satisfied. it is not pickup . u r exchanging ideas . and u will be satisfied

[mr_engineer]

Go to meetups where vulnerability is encouraged, in that case. If you don't have any around you, organize it. 

For example, I went to this 'meaningful conversation' meetup which this girl, who had created a card-game called '365 connection-cards' had organized. Going there helped me overcome my issues with being vulnerable. I'd suggest you look for those kinds of opportunities. 

[hyruga]

You certainly have to care what others have to say. If not, you won't be able to have good conversation.

I close more sales when I ask more questions and finding more about the other person.

[Spiral]

A fun conversation is typically not one where you exchange information.

[ValiantSalvatore]

9 hours ago, integral said:

Sorry i should of been more specific, for dates and stuff im properly socially calibrated, it goes well and there is a connection that is quickly built with lots of playful fun. The issue is on dates im motivated and want to talk and have fun, for random people i meet when walking my dog in the park everyday I don't really enjoy it. The social issue im having are specifically for meeting random people and having absolutely 0 interest in them. Yes I should change my mindset and try to find the fun in it, but I also have a issue with how society conditioned all of us to speak to each other and its souless, im already fully connected to these people they just dont know it yet.

I get what you mean without getting into bouts of conscious conversations (I did some training and I generally would say I am very good at it, especially reflective listening gives me a lot of power in group dynamics, I'd say conscious power even), I mostly have ideas on what I intuit could aid you, and serve you. 

• Make a list of what interests you in small talk and what you can talk about, with random people, especially as you actively train it.
  • For example I had the idea to talk about dogs simply and the weather what is your dogs name, I like your dog he seems to be fun and full of energy, I like your dog he seems kind of goofy and love worthy etc. Something like this.
  • Even the weather to get over the hurdle of beign "to deep", there is also a "fake to deep", get over that man! 
  • My aunt has 20 dogs, so I know dog owners and even online dog owners love to talk about their dogs, you'd instantly get a more passionate response, and I bet you have more insight than me
• Find videos how others approach strangers and look what inspires you, is it their flair? Is it the depth of connection they can build fast? Is it that they are confident and fully healthily masculine?
• Find each day one small thing that interests you about strangers, you could stop thinking about others as strangers and immediately see them as friends, compaions, potential dating material, fun girl, fun guy etc. You can give them a different identity than stranger in that sense or npc. 
• Make a list of a couple of non-conditioned way people speak to each other, for example I could run the cube game even! with guys, ask about their deep passions etc. Even just be simply very direct and invite for instant coffee and ice cream etc. To get out of the socially conditioning anti-holonic dynamics, if you catch my drift... I emotionally can resonate how it feels to notice power dynamics in relationships with others etc.
• Make a list of what is not souless and speak with others about this, test if you don't even like some souless stuff? The energy of the other could be full of soul, while you find the topic soulless.
  • To give a brief example I talk to shop owners and small talk as I somehow gained experience a bit with this, and see this as good testing ground to start small, I asked the kebab shop owner what is favorite soccer team is, the guy also always greets me with my name and ask me how I am doing with girls and in life etc. Gives me tips where I could go and feedback if stuff X is good for drinks etc. His eyes sparkled when I asked him the question about soccer, as he had so much "bad" small talk the whole day, and I noticed.
  • Enjoy the beauty in small things man! Humans are beautiful, I don't find it easy also so I look for the "real" mostly, sometimes the most fake people are realer than you think.

I would simply be open to this possibility, there is a lot of fake deep and fake woke. Just enjoying human baseline stuff, and basics can be enjoyable. This is where depth is built imo, sometimes for me it's to much. Even though I consider myself deep, with undergoing 30+ trips I notice then, especially I am responsible for building that depth, even in small talks etc. Hope this is useful and a good perspective to ponder about!

Edited June 9, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[gettoefl]

life is all about enjoying others, finding something interesting about them, marvelling in their uniqueness their talents their suffering their motivations

you might practice doing that with boring dull unintelligent people

you will discover there are no boring dull unintelligent people

everyone has tons to teach me to show me to contribute to my journey

it is fine of course to have preferences after one has discovered another's essence