cope with rejection?

[Buck Edwards]

Out of every thing in my life, this by far is the hardest. It's not being rejected at the get go. I'm usually likable. But I usually get dumped after loss of interest. It's not much different than being rejected outrightly. Yet abandonment and rejection has been my greatest battle. Not getting the validation from the opposite sex. Not getting sex period. Not having romance. I find a lot of people desirable but nothing sticks for long. It gets boring after a while. 

The problem is not not finding someone. But finding someone who seems perfect at first and then being rejected by this "perfect person." 

It hurts like a million knives cutting through skin. Not even having that whiff, that slice of hope of finding someone romantically compatible and then it working out to some stable degree to a level where I'm content with how things panned out eventually and not feeling bitter anymore. Just knowing my youth is  sorted out romantically. Maybe I'm too desperate and needy for human connection. 

I'm not asking much. Just one successful relationship is all it will take for me to feel that awesomeness, that wholesomeness I keep craving for, (maybe validation I don't know), but that one thing where it would feel like true sustainable love that lasts at least for a year or two. 

I know asking for a lifetime relationship is a bit too much. Nobody does that. But a year would be awesome. A year with a person I really desire to be with. All it takes. Humanity. 

I would not even complain if they dumped me for good. At least I got some validation. 

Rejection is awful, period. 

Why can't we have nice things?

I know I sound like a baby whining for candy. 

What perspective helps? 

[nhoktinvt]

dude (or girl) sounds like you're placing your mental state, your faith, to someone and you're feel like doubting, it's ok, just sit with it, and go on with da journey

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0ctRMR8qXM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmNbrlmn00w

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eit85FAj4wg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3miuaOWsj8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7p3-MJJm_R0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXZQKkLWDaY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRzdqh4sYPQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jf_FhuvpwEc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsyMBJwd3Ig

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjDonXWvAg0

 

[TheCloud]

Not sure if it's true in your case, but I think the mind-frame you described tends to lead one toward being a beggar or an opportunist.  You either end up begging for scraps of relationships, little bits of validation here and there, just the leftovers they can give you without having to commit to anything, trying never to ask for too much lest it all be over.  Or, you end up an opportunist waiting and looking for weakness, for a chance or opportunity that your target has their guard down and is vulnerable and easy to access.  Getting someone on the rebound is a clear example of this, or being the "mistress" for someone who's unhappy with their current relationship.

 

These two modalities are ways you can seek relationships that require more desperation than confidence.  You're never really clear about your needs or goals with yourself or the other person, because you're desperately afraid they'll find out too much and dump you.

[Buck Edwards]

3 minutes ago, TheCloud said:

Not sure if it's true in your case, but I think the mind-frame you described tends to lead one toward being a beggar or an opportunist.  You either end up begging for scraps of relationships, little bits of validation here and there, just the leftovers they can give you without having to commit to anything, trying never to ask for too much lest it all be over.  Or, you end up an opportunist waiting and looking for weakness, for a chance or opportunity that your target has their guard down and is vulnerable and easy to access.  Getting someone on the rebound is a clear example of this, or being the "mistress" for someone who's unhappy with their current relationship.

 

These two modalities are ways you can seek relationships that require more desperation than confidence.  You're never really clear about your needs or goals with yourself or the other person, because you're desperately afraid they'll find out too much and dump you.

Yea the framing can go wrong in many ways, although the template or motive is about fulfilling each other's needs. 

[mr_engineer]

On 6/7/2023 at 11:24 AM, Enlightement said:

I'm not asking much. Just one successful relationship is all it will take for me to feel that awesomeness, that wholesomeness I keep craving for, (maybe validation I don't know), but that one thing where it would feel like true sustainable love that lasts at least for a year or two. 

I know asking for a lifetime relationship is a bit too much. Nobody does that. But a year would be awesome. A year with a person I really desire to be with. All it takes. Humanity. 

This is false. I know, you hear your friends say 'I dated this person for a year' and 'I dated this person for two years'. But, let me tell you - you're not missing much. 

The reality of most relationships is that they are very transactional. And, they do not, in fact, feel 'awesome' and 'wholesome'. One or both parties has to manipulate the other to get what they want. That's the way most of dating works. And, the advice that most people give of 'focus on yourself' and 'develop yourself first' is to not fall into these patterns. Because they've been there, done that and are telling you that it is literally not worth it. 

Now, why do unconscious people just 'happen' to date for years? Because they're repeating patterns that worked for them at home. And, they have some privileges in their upbringing. This does not make them wiser relative to relationships. 

Why is this the reality of most dating? Because most people are narcissistic who only care about themselves and what they can get from others. That's how most couples fight, in fact. It's pretty pedestrian and unsexy. 

So, what should you do? You should think back to having rejected someone in your life. It has happened before. And think back to why you did that. It was probably because they were low-quality in some ways and because you have standards and they didn't make the cut. This should give you some insight into your ideal relationship. So, the next step is to visualize that and to get ready for that. 

And, one final point - this is not going to happen with anyone. You will have to form a dating-strategy to vet people so that you find someone compatible. This is the point that the people saying 'focus on yourself' are trying to make. Because then, you figure out the kind of life you want and what type of partner would fit into that. 

HTH!! 

[Yimpa]

On 6/7/2023 at 0:54 AM, Enlightement said:

Why can't we have nice things?

Because God’s Love is Perfect.

[Chives99]

well done for having the confidence, im proud of you  , you just havent found the right person yet. When you find them you'll just know, its kinda like a force like gravity , you dont have to whip yourself into a frenzy to get them to like you or try and say the right thing it just happens.

[Yimpa]

The only one rejecting you is you. 

Relationships turn into relationshit when you force your own agenda and inadequacies into the mix.